11 yr old son, pissed at his dad & taken it out on me.(we r divorced) I have been remarried for 3yrs. He loves my husband, he takes time to do the things his real dad should. When he goes to his dad's he comes back so angry & I don't kno how to help him. He will tell me whats wrong after I have to remind him that I'm the Mom not Dad & change his tone. I have xplained to him I can't make his dad act better and its not his fault his dad's not being the dad he wants him to be. I have a 9yr old girl that is like me, she could care less, does her own thing & goes about her way. The girlfriend my x is with has 2 girls. I think the boy is tired of girls at his dads. They always get their way, dad's a jerk, i don't wana go. Tried talking with my x but he's an IDIOT & don't seem to get it. Now the 11yr old just hates him & will rarely go but I'm left with the 11yr old taking it out on me & not his dad. He would not harm a hair on his kids head, he just simply ignores his son. What do you do?
2006-11-04 12:47:22 · 10 answers · asked by novemberdarlin06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
See a therapist. Seriously. This is FAR too important for you to handle on your own or take the advice of from most on here. Truly, see someone....a professional can help!
2006-11-04 12:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by s g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. My daughter takes it out on me when she gets home from dad's, pretty much because she knows I will always be there for her, and he hasn't always been.
I took my kids to a chiropractor that specializes in deep relaxation when I was divorcing and we were going through nasty custody disputes. It still helps a lot. You can find one of these doctors local to you (hopefully) at www.donaldepstein.com.
Therapy can help, but only if he really wants to go. Actually, I made my 13 year old son go when he didn't want to, then he liked the guy and gained from it, but my daughter has NO use for therapists. So they don't always work. But the chiropractic works for everyone (even you!) because it releases tension without needing to rehash it. And let's face it, rehashing it doesn't always help in these situations.
Good luck.
2006-11-04 12:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a dysfunctional situation. A possibility your family maybe beyond common sense help, and you will need professional help. Unfortunately, some professionals are more messed up than your family..
I sense a lot of anger in your child. don't make things worse by getting on his case. Stay with the kid and just keep expressing love and tolerance.
He is in control, for anger is his power over you and your husband. It is ok for him to hate his parents once in a while. But with time, maturity and attention, he will come around. I experience the same situation, and I hated my parents. As I grew older, my mother became mom and I loved her so much. Hang in there and make sure you are there to mend his hurts. His father was just a sperm donor, but you chose to have him.
2006-11-04 13:01:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's shame your x is such an idiot. your son is feeling that he is being ignored and, of course, that would make him act out with anger. have you tried talking to your x, letting him know that he is ruining your son's life - letting him know that you realize he has a new family with his new girlfriend - and you're not trying to hurt that relationship in any way - but can't HE see what he is doing to our son. he my not be aware how he is destroying his boy's life. let him realize if he doesn't change his ways, he'll be losing his son forever and there is nothing you can do to change the situation. don't yell so much at your son for what he is doing - he has to place his anger somewhere and you happen to be the one he turns to - he is not mad at you - he's mad with the way things are. if your x can't change his ways - i hope you'll son will soon mature and realize what his father is really like. until then don't blame yourself (or your son), and try to love your son unconditionally, even if it means you have to put up with his anger, until he realizes he placing it with the wrong parent. good luck to you and your son.
2006-11-04 13:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would not force him to go to his dads unless it is court ordered. Then i would make sure that he understands that as parents sometimes we dont know when we do things to hurt the others feelings. He is not angry with you but frustrated with the situation and has no other way to vent his feelings. Let him know how frustrated he is and you understand how he feels. Kids alwalys think we dont understand..remind him when he goes there it is only for a short period of time and perhaps make sure he has things to occupy his time.. has he tried to get his dad to play video games with him or something when he is there?
2006-11-04 12:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by Pauleners 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should really talk to your ex and explain to him that if he wants his son to be in his life for a while he should really pay more attention to him... i dont think he understand that his boy is getting older and that he's gonna hold a big grudge against him if his dad is not really there for him... try to explain to him that the son he has with you is his and not the 2 other girls...
2006-11-04 12:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling for your son and some family counseling you and him, not your ex.
2006-11-04 12:50:50 · answer #7 · answered by Sue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont make him go back till he wants to,make it plain to him that if he dont want to see his dad then just dont go
2006-11-04 13:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't a lot you can do. Just be patient
2006-11-04 12:50:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your son that s all you can do
2006-11-04 13:00:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋