I'm in love with you so,
It aches in every part of me; I have to let it go
I think about you all the time
But compared to you, I’m nothing, just a piece of slime
Around you I feel awkward and shaky
I try to talk to you, like I want to, but my mind gets weak, my body gets achy
Everything about you is beautiful
I just glance at you, and I feel wonderful
I want to be with you so much
I procrastinate, and procrastinate; I try to pull it off in the clutch
I know this can never be
I'll have to quit and end this charade eventually
It pains me to see you now
I sit and stare, looking at God’s great creation, and just think, wow
These feelings are so real
I look at you and feel so much appeal
I'm sorry if this poem seems corny
But to walk through life without seeing you, would make the path of life dark and thorny
I really hate feeling this
I just know I will have to disappear without you into the abyss
I will carry a part of you with me forever
So see you later, whatever.
Please rate this
2006-11-04 11:18:19 · 23 answers · asked by B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No offense, but if you give this poem to a girl you like, you're going to most likely end up in the "friend zone".... or worse, she's going to ignore you. It portrays you as being a bit clingy. I would suggest focusing more on how she makes you feel by something she's done for you.... maybe how you seeing or hearing something reminds you of a time you spent together. Try to think of something nobody else has told her. Be specific... show her you care about her feelings... tell her how you want to make her feel.
2006-11-04 11:31:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are desperate. Let her know what you think of her, not how horrible you are without her. Don't appoligize to her for your feelings, don't be desperate one minute and blow her off the next line. Is it a good bye poem? Not really sure what your are saying cause you are all over the place. If you like her and want to get her, be positve about her and your feeling about her. Don't put yourself down even if it rhymes, Positive and romantic. That is what girls like, for instance, I am nothing without you, could be I am everything with you. Get the idea
2006-11-04 11:25:32 · answer #2 · answered by Sue 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thats is so sweet and when you give it to her maybe she'll feel the same way about you. I think that you and her could spend alot of time together. Just tell her how you feel and if you send it as a secret admirer watch her as she reads it and see what reactions are. If they're good one than tell her that you wrote the poem
2006-11-04 11:23:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her why she's particular. Be user-friendly. you're able to usee similies and metaphors. occasion of simile: Your eyes are like stars. Examlpe of metaphor: you're a rose of immeasurable attractiveness. examine the poem aloud to learn the meter; now and lower back poems sound humorous whilst the "rhythm" is off. in case you desire it to rhyme, bypass like this to locate rhyming words: aool, bool, cool, dool, eool, fool, gool--ghoul, hool, iool, jool--jewel, kool--cool, lool, mool...etc in the process the total alphabet. %. the be conscious you like, and use it. Or a minimum of, that's what I do. you are the artist finally, in basic terms write regardless of feels precise (:
2016-10-03 07:02:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me tell you something about poetry. it doesn't always have to rhyme. the word slime should never be used in a love poem, and also it's usage here is very forced. i can tell you used to it make a rhyme out of the word time. i think it's great you are taking the time to do this, it's very nice of you, now take a little more time and fix it up! you have a good start here.
2006-11-04 11:22:15 · answer #5 · answered by advicemom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if thats how you feel give it to her so she will know you can not put some ones feeling on a rating scale if its from your heart then it is you your feelings are just as important then the next persons hope you start feeling better about your self like you really should feel like slime but if that is how you feel well thats how you feel I wish you a life full of love and Happiness
2006-11-04 12:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by jamnjims 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you pulled the lines out of a bunch of love songs and pieced them together into your poem. Be careful, becuase if she catches on, It might make her laugh.
2006-11-04 11:22:34 · answer #7 · answered by Just a guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you handle honest criticism? Good basis, but it needs work. Smooth it out. Let the words flow more. And drop the what ever ending.
2006-11-04 11:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by Isis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was really good, but if u love her then y r u saying so much about how ur breaking up, or leaving, and that its paining u 2 b with her?
2006-11-04 11:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by WIDE OUTxx0017 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
minus 6
2006-11-04 11:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋