Hey everyone! I need some help. I'm not to sure what it is?

Question

I'm not to sure what it is, maybe the migrane, the flu, the fact the has distroyed everything and broken just about everything or the stress of being a single parent while me hubby is deployed. NOT TO SURE!!!
About 30 minutes ago, she went into the kitchen and threw the dog watter and food everywhere, this was after a day of screaming at her lungs for not getting her way and just being a pain in my ***. Anyway. After she did this. I went off in a rage and grabbed her by her arm and smacked her hard on her butt. But as I was going to smack her again I stopped and she was screaming at the top of her lungs I put her in her crib and she laid there crying.
I am sitting on my couch crying my heart out and trying to figure out why did I snap. I swore I was never going to a raise a hand to my child, I have popped her on the hand before but that was about it.
She is sitting in her room right now laughing and playing and I'm still on the couch I want to hug her and tell her I'm sorry

Answer 1

I hug my daughter after every incident where she gets punished, and I will do the same with my son when he is older. It isn't about with-holding love, its about teaching them, and if you feel that you should explain that you are sorry, then do so. I always tell her that I love her, and that she wasn't punished because I don't, but because of her actions. Even if all she gets is a time out, after she gets up I kiss her, hug her, and tell her that I hope we never have to do that again, but you have to behave for me. It feels aweful to have to punish, but you did the right thing by stopping yourself and putting her in a safe place while you give yourself a chance to calm down. FORGIVE YOURSELF your a mommy, and we make mistakes too.

Answer 2

Go talk to someone in your FRG. There should be some sort of support system while your husband is deployed. I'm a military wife and although I don't know the stress of a wife who's husband is in Iraq, I do know the stress of being alone due to TDY and field training. It's stressful to parent alone. You need an outlet though, someone you can lean on and talk to. You can go hug your daughter and tell her you are sorry if you want, you don't have to sit there and cry alone. She is probably stressed too because you are. Kids sense those things. You did good though and seen what you were doing and you stopped yourself. You went for help here. I seriously would find a friend though. You need to get some relief some how. I know that we all think we will be fine but the truth is, we aren't always fine doing the single parent thing. I've been fortunate to have great friends around every where we've been stationed. Do you have a church you can get involved in or anything around there? If not, contact your FRG and see what they can help with. If they won't do something go up the chain of command until someone will get a group together for you wives.

Answer 3

I have been there. Tell her you are sorry. She is a person not an extension of you. We all deserve respect and telling her you are sorry, which is the truth, is the right thing to do. It is really tough when you are on your own raising a child and we try so hard but we screw up. Don't beat yourself up, it will make everything worse. If mommy's not happy... Don't try to make it up to her with anything, just tell her you are sorry, mommy made a mistake. It will set a good example that we all make mistakes, we shouldn't hurt people and if we do, we should apologize. Hang in there mom, you are better than allot who would not think twice about it.

In reference to a previous answer, do not tell her it won't happen again, even if you believe that with all your heart. If you say that and it happens again, trust issues...

Answer 4

in my opinion

Give her a hug and tell her you are sorry for losing your temper.

This will make you feel better and it also shows your child that it is okay to be wrong and ok to apologise.
Your child will then grow up, being able to apologise and make ammends.

Everyone snaps.
I relate to you, I have gotten very angry with children before - I've worked as a Nanny, and I feel SO BAD when I lose my temper and shout at them or say something nasty.

Talk to someone about how you feel.
Ask yourself why you snapped.
Try and learn from your lesson.
and then forgive yourself and LET IT GO.
Move on.
Make it up to your child by doing something nice together, you can show her you love her and are sorry by maybe, taking her to the park or spending some good quality time with her drawing pictures or something.

Good luck, it's not easy

Answer 5

Every parent has a moment when they smack their kids on the butt, it is fine. The big thing is that you stopped yourself, so you are not out of control. Since you said you put her in her crib, she is a little one. When she acts up, just put her in her crib and get a cup of tea. She will get the idea that she will be given a "time out" and you will have some sanity back. p.s. don't make the time out longer than the cup of tea, probably 5 to 10 minutes.

Answer 6

Noone is perfect, especially someone trying to be an only parent. We all lose our cool at times, especially when we are overloaded with stress. Just take a moment to decompress. When my 17 month old blows a fit, I literally have to walk away or walk out of the room, and let her blow a fit on her own...I show her no attention when she does this. Sometimes, to them, negative attention is better than no attention at all, so I won't give into it. Give yourself a break, this is a hard situation. God Bless you and your Husband.

Answer 7

You need to seek help ,you are under stress maybe it would be a good idea to pickup the phone and call someone,to help with the
child so you can relax.Don't think about what you did that will make it worse.GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

sometimes you need to raise a hand on you child caz then they are never going to learn but her screaming like that and she screams until she get what she wants i hope you not giving what she wants when she is screaming like unless if she can talk then its ok but if she can then don't give her everything she wants when she screams.caz if you do when she grow up more shes going to think that when she screams she gets what she wants and that not good

Answer 9

I hope you take a minute to read this because it is very important to the welfare of your daughter.
First of all never, ever hit your child. If you thought about being hit, from your child's perspective, this is what you might feel....
When we are children, we believe our parents are there to protect us and love us. Your behavior communicated everything but that. Can you image how confusing this act is to a child? You are the most important person in her life. You are unconciously teaching her that hitting/violence is a part of a loving relationship. It most definitely isn't.
Because your child is very aware, she can pick up on your emotions. If you are stressed out, feeling overwhelmed, resentful or scared, your child has the ability to sense it and her actions illustrate her internal unrest. If you are angry or frustrated, your child may begin to act out or misbehave. The child feels the negative energy but she does not know how to deal with the emotion she is feeling. Young children have no way of coping or conveying their emotions so if they have an uncomfortable feeling disturbing them, they might begin to act like a terror.
Although we tend to think of children as oblivious to what is going on, we need to understand that they are very perceptive. You are the adult and it is your job to pick her up in loving arms and help her sort out her feelings ...( Why are you so angry? Is it because you miss daddy? I miss him too but in time he will return to us and we can hug and kiss him when he comes home...) You can never fail as a parent if you go to your child with the best intentions and a loving shoulder to lean on. Try to figure out what happened in her day to cause her actions.(Being denied her favorite candy) What seems trivial to us can be extremely important to our child. What is important to her should be just as important to you. If your daughter is very young, she may just be bored. Children this age can not entertain themselves for long so she may be looking for amusement by throwing the dogs bowls. In order for a small child to grow with optimum brain function, they must be stimulated with play, toys, singing, dancing etc. and the participation of the caregiver is crucial. Try to remember that a small child can not predict the outcome of an action. (ie If I tip this bowl, water will come out. Their thinking stops at tipping the bowl.)
Your child should recieve just as much respect (and more) as your coworker or friend. Help your child to express herself and all the hard work will pay off. She will be a more calm child as a result.
I tell my children all the time when I'm wrong. I use sorry whenever I've made a bad choice. Explaining our bad behavior also helps the child to understand. This has been my philosophy and parenting style with my two girls(now 7&9) and they are pretty empathetic little human beings.
Please, don't use violence as a punishment. Your aim as a parent should be to educate and improve your child in every aspect of her person. Every time you hit her, you steal a piece of self-esteem from her. She deserves the best and if you happen to make a mistake, let her know you are sorry. You child loves you unconditionally at this point and she thinks you are the center of the universe. Treat her the same.
Talking the talk is easy but it is our job to walk the walk. She learns considerably more from your actions or lack of actions.
There was a point in my job as a mom that I had to make a conscious choice to be positive or negative and resentful. I chose to do the best job I could and to love them whole heartedly and if you do your best at parenting than you start to feel better about yourself and your abilities as a mom. They truly do grow up fast.

Answer 10

no u did the right thing every child needs a little discpline yes I konw u feel bad cause I would but if you pat her up she's just going to do it again but if you show her like you did then she will know mommy's not playing games with me .