Help with the In Laws Please?

Question

My hubby and I are having the most incredible trouble with his family. For some reason they absolutely hate me, and for that reason they tend not to spend any time with their grandson. Every time we do see them they make my hubby angry and frustrated. Recently they went away and sent an email to my hubby telling him to do something, and in brackets was - this is a threat.

My family totally love my hubby and think that they are just jealous, but it is now getting to the point where I want nothing to do with them, and I dont want my son to have anything to do with them either. What can we do to try and repair this situation?

HELP

My MIL and FIL dont think that I am of higher standard than what they want for their son. I am nothing but a country hick as my FIL has said to my face mind you. My hubby has always stuck up for me, and has told me that he is over it all too. I dont want him to loose contact with his family over something silly like this, but it is up to him I suppose. All I can do is have nothing to do with them, and hope that my son wont notice that I never visit them.

Answer 1

your husband and you need to talk face to face with his family and talk about what the problem is. Ask them what it is that they dont like about you, and if it can be fixed some way. If they dont seem to give you a answer and the problem doesnt get fixed than, than its time to tell them right up if they want anything to do with their grandchild and be part of his life than they need to put their feelings aside. If they dont than your husband i am sure will understand and wont be angry with you if you just stop talking and cutting off alll comuntication with them till they learn to smarten up and act like adults.
No one needs to go through life stressing about something like this. But you really need to tell them straight up how you feel, than go from there.

Answer 2

Ouch! Anything with in-laws can be such a mine field. But it sounds as though your husband is as fed up with them as you are.
So -
Just because he is related to them doesn't mean he has to love them. There are great parents, there are good parents, and then there are the people who just happen to be biological parents, but don't understand the first thing about good parenting.
The same holds true for in-laws.
If they sent a threatening e-mail to your husband, it's time to pull the plug and sever the cord. Be pleasant if they call. Send them Christmas cards and birthday cards and all the sort of stuff, but let them come to you if they want to see their grandson. And if they don't want to see their grandson, they aren't going to be part of his life in any case.
At this point, it's going to be almost impossible to repair the situation, and frankly, you would be much better off just to keep your distance from them. It would be nice to say, just do blah, blah, blah and everything will be fine, but it won't. And there comes a time when relations between you and your husband (and your son) are far more important than trying to cater to despotic parents.
So, concentrate on your own family unit, enjoy your parents and you and your hubby can bask in their warmth.
Sorry, I wish there was a magic formula, but truly, some parents are just impossible and it sounds as though his fit in that category.

Answer 3

They treat you badly because your loving spouse allows it. If he put his foot down about you being his wife and his family now and tell them in no uncertain terms they are not allowed to disrespect you in any way shape or form, then they can piss off. Might not want to say the last part. They will be ticked for a bit, but it will smooth over and things will be better in the long run. I would divorce a man that allowed his parents to be abusive to me, especially in front of my children. Just because they have always been the way they are does not mean that your husband can't stand up for you, if he don't he will loose you eventually over it cause abuse is abuse and no one deserves to be abused by anyone.

PS, if your husband does do this, you have to be gracious and start fresh when they come back into your lives. Otherwise things will never change and you will be miserable.

Answer 4

You can't make them love you, that is their choice. Did the email say why they don't like you - is anything changeable - if only for when you see them.
Let your hubby take son to visit them and you use the free time to do something for yourself. Luckily you have your family. I would still offer them to come over every 2nd christmas but the rest of the time I would not bother.

Answer 5

My mother-in-law never liked me either. I had tried for years, I was always kind, always pretty docile. In fact, I would come away from visits hating myself because I wasn't acting like me.

She has mental problems and the problems escalated until we had to cut off contact with her. We didn't want to, but she had gotten so abusive, leaving nasty messages on answer machine and at my husband's work. We cut her off until she gets some help.

Your first duty is to that little family you and your husband created. You cannot have your child exposed to that kind of hatred towards you---your husband should go and see them, talk to them and tell him that his loyalty is with you and your son. They will have to be kind or not see any of you.

Answer 6

I'm not understanding your question. You say you don't want anything to do with them and yet you ask how to repair the situation? It sounds to me as if your husband doesn't have a very good relationship with his parents and if they hate you, I'm not sure repairing this is really in your hands. I wish you luck

Answer 7

what is it they want him to do?? if i were you and your husband i would simply tell them that after receiving this e-mail that the two of you have given this a great deal of thought and the two of you have decided that beings that they are not able to except you as his wife, and this is effecting your child, that you no longer wish to have any contact with them. and you also need to let them know that you did not like being threatened. what does your husband say as to why they don't like you? I'm sure they have told him, and he needs to tell you what that is. so that you can have a better understanding as to what is going on. but needless to say i would not have contact with them or allow my child to have contact with them. also i think it would be a very good idea to save any e-mail or letters or even phone calls.

Answer 8

i'm so sorry for you. especially since there is a kid involved they need to get over whatever it is they dislike about you. let them know that you don't care whether they like you or not. it is about your son having grandparents. don't try to repair anything, let it go. for whatever reason they dislike you. fine, probably has nothing to do with you anyways. take care of your family and see that your son has regular contact with your husband's family. somebody has to act like an adult and i fear it's gonna have to be you. good luck!!!

Answer 9

The best thing that you can do is be the best you that you can be. Be a great wife, be a great mother, be a great person. We can not truly have a direct impact on those that are around us. We can however directly affect who "we" are. Let them think and act how they want to. Just don't let it change you. You stay the same wonderful person that you are.

Answer 10

I have almost the same problem with my in laws. How does your hubby feel. Does he support you or is he tring to keep peace. Ya'll might need to sit them down and just tell them "Look we are a family with or with you" and see how that goes. GOD Bless