Cousins. Her future husband was adopted from Canada 36 years ago and does not have much family to invite. They also have a child and not a lot of money to spare why is my sister being so unreasonable
2006-11-04 09:44:38 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
"I have spelt decided wrong"
2006-11-04 10:19:03 · update #1
How very sad! Your sister obviously resents the fact that her children have not been included. I assume that she realises that your daughter is on a tight budget and that it is going to be a small wedding. If she does, she is indeed being unreasonable.
She should accept that she cannot have her way all the time. It is your daughter's wedding and if her aunt chooses not to attend out of spite because cousins are not invited, then she will not be missed.
Let's face it, if she decides to come and then bangs on about the fact that her children have not been invited, she will upset you and your daughter and you will be no better off.
Explain to her the facts calmly and tell her that you will be very sorry if she chooses to exclude herself. She can take it or leave it. Whatever you do, do not let your daughter be morally blackmailed in this fashion. I hope she has a very happy day, with or without her aunt and uncle.
As for yourself, do not feel guilty. You have done your best to smooth things over. Sisters can be a pain! It is her problem not yours.
2006-11-04 10:17:06 · answer #1 · answered by WISE OWL 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation but you need to think about the feelings of your partner's daughter. An 11 year old won't understand it being booked and paid for, she will only understand that her dad thought it was too difficult to accommodate her in his big day. Think about your decision carefully. Your parents don't need to take complete responsibility for the girl but maybe it would be nice for her to spend some time with her half-brothers and sisters... Have you asked her mother if she would be willing to come? They don't even need to stay for the whole time, the wedding day is the most important- she wouldn't be going there for her annual holiday. I'm getting married abroad this year and I can understand that it's going to be a busy time for you and that you have to have it all planned in advance...but... my wedding's in less than 2 months and I'm still making changes to the guest numbers and other details for the day. There would be no problem in inviting an extra child to your wedding over a year in advance. Hotels that provide wedding packages deal with changes all the time, you're paying them to deal with situations like this. What does your partner think? It's his daughter after all- does he want his daughter there? Do you want his daughter there? I think you should discuss all the options with your partner, his daughter's mother and your parents before making any decisions. I JUST READ the extra information you posted and I had to add more... I actually feel quite angry, this 11 year old girl probably doesn't know about the bad feelings between her mum and dad. You can't punish her for her parents' mistakes. She's made a big step in asking if she's invited and it's selfish to just cut her out like that. Unless you and your partner want nothing to do with the child you should be working out how to find a solution to this- thinking of friends that can help look after the girl or even asking your parents for help before even dismissing that as an option. If you didn't want children around you on your wedding morning or your stag and hen do's then you should have just left them all at home.
2016-05-21 23:44:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a shame, wedidings are expensive affairs and it is not intended as a slur on anyone but a means of keeping costs realistic and affordable.
Weddings and similar family orientated functions always seem to "upset" someone or other. I know this is your sister you are talking about and its upsetting for you, however if that is their choice you may have to accept it. Have you tried to explain to your sister about the cost and numbers? A childs future is more important than getting in to silly amounts of debt.
I hope you manage to either resolve this with your sister or come to accept that they are'nt gonna be there. You invite 1 cousin, you have to invite them all and before you know it you have an extra 20+ guests.
Is your daughter having a disco/buffet function on the evening that the rest of the family could come too? May solve a few problems.
All the best with this one, we had my daughters christening last year and upset a couple of people over our choices of godparents. You can't please everyone and its important that this doesn't affect you daughter and future son-in-laws day. Its their choice who they do and don't invite.
It'll also be a different matter if/when your Sister's children get married as your sister will then understand the stress and upset that goes with wedding plans etc..... Maybe you should point that out to her.
2006-11-04 09:53:04 · answer #3 · answered by mjastbury 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When I got married, I invited only aunts and uncles since my family is so big. With that and close friends we still had over 80 on our invite list. Our money was tight. Some family had a problem with it but we didn't care. It was our day not theirs.
Explain the situation to your sister. If she can't understand the money issues and the bride and grooms wishes then she wouldn't be much fun at the wedding anyways. It sounds like it may be better if she didn't come.
2006-11-04 10:21:35 · answer #4 · answered by KC 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That is a shame that they have decided not to come, but all you can do is explain to your sister why your daughter and her husband have decided not to invite cousins and say that she would love it if her aunt and uncle did attend. However at the end of the day it is your daughter an her husband wish not to have cousins there as they can't afford to have everyone. Hopefully by explaining the whole situation your sister will understand and they after that if she chooses not to attend then that is her decision
2006-11-04 21:10:30 · answer #5 · answered by Baps . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sister is being quite selfish and childish.
This is your daughter's wedding - and she is NOT required to invite anyone. If she was inviting some cousins and not others, that would be unfair - but if she has decided to draw a line and not invite any cousins, that is something your sisters needs to just accept. If she refuses to come, oh well - one less meal to pay for.
This is also not uncommon - my brother was married last weekend - he invited first cousins, but not their kids. My cousin was married recently, and invited only her parents, siblings and grandparents. It is a big family, with nearly 16 aunts/uncles, more then 40 cousins and another 20+ second cousins - and she wanted a very small wedding. I wasn't offended.
2006-11-04 11:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by Chrys 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My sisters getting married in July 07. We are having this problem she has decided to invite all Aunts and Uncles for the day and sit down meal. On the Evening all the cousins etc... A few Aunts have decided not to come because they think its cheeky... My sister only sees the cousins at occasions such as weddings, funerals and parties. She doesn't want to spend £40 a head on these people. She had told my mum its their choice its her wedding day and she will pick who comes.
2006-11-04 09:49:37 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think your sister is being very selfish. Selfish because she is whining that her kids cant come to the wedding when no other cousins are coming, and selfish because she is wrecking your daughter's wedding with worry that could be avoided.
Sit down with your sister and explain the facts of life. Explain to her that her children arent any better than the other cousins in your daughter's life. Because your daughter is a fair individual, she will NOT pick and choose favourites for her wedding. Explain to the sister that money is tight and you applaud your daughter's decision for a happy small wedding rather than a larger, stress filled expensive wedding that will put her in debt. If your sister tries the "well, I'll be sure to pick a gift that will more than pay for the money put out for my kids to come" approach, firmly tell her money does not buy love. Your daughter already loves her family and she does not need the added stress her aunt is putting on her.
My wedding was wrecked by an aunt who until the day before the wedding told me she was going to crash my wedding. She told her town (close to here) how all she and her husband had done for my hubby and how **I** was shutting her out. (we couldnt even invite aunts and uncles for budget reasons) It continued until my father in law told her to "SHUT UP Its a done deal, its THEIR wedding and they decided to not invite aunts and uncles at all rather than pick and choose. Deal with it and let them enjoy their day"
Good luck to you and your daughter. Oh...tell her to have a table with dunce caps on it that say "wedding crasher" on them just in case. :D
2006-11-04 15:26:00 · answer #8 · answered by Cariad 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for your daughter. Marrying the one you love should be the best day of your life and it cant have been an easy decision to invite some family members and not others. If her aunt wants to not be a part of her niece's special day, then that is her loss. I hope your daughter and her family have a wonderful day x
2006-11-06 03:14:31 · answer #9 · answered by flirtydesirablenurse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lot of people don't invite cousins to weddings, i think this reasonable as there is often too many and you may not be close to them. they can be invited to the evening .ur sis is being selfish she is going to miss out on an important family event. she's upsetting things, ur daughter has enough to do. ye should just enjoy the wedding,it's ur sister's loss not yours
2006-11-04 10:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋