Again I come to you for answers, I need help!?

Question

My grandson recently had to come live with his father, my son. I seems that he has become very disrespectful with his mother and her new husband. He will get angry very easy and start throwing things, punching holes of walls and confronting his mother like he will hit her. He does things in school and says things to his mother,without even thinking how bad he is sounding and looking. My ex-daugher in law is a wonderful mother and she called crying to my son that she could take it no more. It is my sons dream come true to have his son here with him. Now I am concern,because he gets this rages for no reason at all. He is 11 years old. I finished talking to my ex-daugh in law and she thinks she has failed..I do not think that nor does my son. What i want to know is how to control this episodes? What kind of help does he need.? As always thank you for your time and God Bless

Answer 1

I really do think your grandson could do with some professional counselling. Children in split family situation often have a lot bottled up as emotion, often they're not mature enough to recognise it as a crisis and understand things so the thoughts and anxieties come out as anger and rebellion. He doesn't understand what is going on himself.

A good counsellor will help him to understand and also help him to express himself with words as his emotions come out in the sessions.

I think it is important to get help now rather than later as he is approaching his teen years where hormones begin to kick in and he becomes bigger and stronger.

This seemingly angry young lad is hurting somewhere deep inside and this is the only way a young mind can express it.
In the meantime it will greatly help him when he is being good that it is recognised by ALL the family. Lots of praise and hugs.
He will begin to learn that he gets the attention when he is calm. Interact with him, play board games or go watch him play outside and talk to him.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Chris is right: get him checked out so that you see that it's not physical or mental issues. However, I see the one variable that is probably causing a lot of stress: a new step-father.

The dynamics of this child's world have just changed radically. He may not know why, but to him, all of a sudden, his mother has a new husband who is not his father, and his father is without his mother, and living at home with you.

That said, he has two significant adults in his life, you and his father who care for him deeply. Make sure your home is without conflict, without upsets, and make sure that he has a schedule to follow.

Has anyone tried talking to him? There ARE reasons for these rages, but this little boy needs help verbalizing the storm within him, and the only way he knows to reach out and ask for help is by creating chaos, because that's what he's feeling inside. I would sincerely beg that you talk to your grandson's school psychologist/counselor and have him evaluated there first. Have a parent-teacher conference with all his teachers and see how his classroom performance is. If there is a sudden decline, then something is going on somewhere, and this boy needs help NOW.

Make sure that the step-father is not abusing this boy. And by abuse, I mean playing sadistic mental head games, doling out verbal and emotional abuse, physical abuse, and/or -- I hate to even mention it -- sexual abuse. Make sure the boy's mother isn't totally ignoring him now that she has a new husband, too. He may be having abandonment issues.

Are there other siblings? If so, how are they being treated? Make sure there is no preferential, unfair treatment going on, and that all children get the same fair, firm, consistent treatment.

Bottom line: these rages have reason, and this boy needs professional help NOW. Get him to a doctor to be evaluated physically, then to a school or private psychologist/counselor to be evaluated emotionally. Find the trigger, and you'll find the key to the rages. I'm betting that the variable in all this is the new step-father, somehow or other. Just make sure that his school life is okay and he's not being bullied. Make sure that he's not getting abused anywhere. Make sure that the house rules are roughly the same between your house and his mother's house.

But he needs to be drawn out and get help expressing his feelings in words, so the problem can be solved. GOOD LUCK!

Cheers, K (teacher for 14 years)

Answer 3

Your grandson is probably angry about the situation with your son and daughter in law [ex].He cant control what is happening and it is very hard on children.He probably blames his mother for the things going on.He should be assured that it will be ok and his father and mother should readily be available to talk to him anytime he feels the need and be comfortable to do so.Your son may want to make it a point to bring up the subject and see if he will express his feelings on the matter.But he does need to know that it will be ok.He may even require counseling.Good Luck!

Answer 4

since he has been with his father does he still have these episodes? i think that his father needs to sit down with him and set some ground rules right from the beginning. he needs to tell his son that this behavior will not be excepted and that there will be punishments if he does act this way. but dad will need to follow through with what he says. he also will need some kind of routine to follow, and he is old enough to be doing things around the house.has anyone asked this young man why he behaves this way? there might have been something going on at home with his mother and her new husband. if he has not acted out since he has been with dad, then i think that what he was doing was acting out in hopes of being able to go live with his dad. as i said set the rules and follow through.

Answer 5

"We didn't evolve from apes. We are apes, we do exactly matters another way" - Richard Dawkins Big brains take plenty of assets to make and to feed. The different apes are competent to outlive very good of their atmosphere with out a very massive mind, or a minimum of they have been till we got here alongside and began putting off their atmosphere. Evolution isn't a wrestle to get a massive mind, this can be a wrestle to outlive, in any way crucial. We took one path, the chimpanzees took yet another. We aren't bigger than them, simply cleverer. Put a bare human and a chimp within the center of a wooded area; my cash is at the chimp to outlive. At a while and location ago our ancestors observed themselves in an atmosphere in which having a massive mind used to be an total competencies, in which the advantages of the massive mind outweighed the expenses. We have no idea what the drawback used to be that created that atmosphere, probably a fast local weather difference. Modern apes aren't our ancestors, they're our cousins. They cannot emulate us on the grounds that they do not have our brains. If and while mankind disappears from the planet, it's really feasible that yet another species will make the transition to our stage of intelligence.

Answer 6

I would get him into some anger management classes and it might help to take him to see a phychologist talk to your family doctor he or she can refer you to the route you can take i know it worked for me growing up to have a person outside of my family to talk to. Hope all goes well I have a friend who is going through the same thing his ex could not handle her son either he was very out of control as well he has started to calm down since they got him some help. Let your daughter-in-Law know she did not fail him failing him would be for her to do nothing and ignor it.

Answer 7

First of all he needs a complete physical so be sure these problems are not stemming from a brain problem. Then get him in couseling right away, before he goes to far and damages his life. He is one lucky boy to have a grandma, father and mother who care so much for him.

I applaud both you and your son for being so positive about his mother. that is nice to hear

Answer 8

It will probally be good for him to be with his father, I am sorry I don't have that much advice, except, it might be a cry for positive attention, and maybe he just needs a lot of attention right now!not to mention hormones

Answer 9

It sounds like he has some emotional problems. Why don't you guys have him talk to the school counselor. Maybe they will be able to help him and its free.

Answer 10

well i think you need to get to the bottom of why he getting these rages i would take him to a therapist he might need that kind of help are he might just need that @ss whipped