My ex & I have a 22 mo. old. He's dating a woman (for 5 months) who has 5 kids, 19, 16, 14, 10, 2 1/2. My ex & I get along pretty well, we feel it's what is best for our child. We are partners child rearing. No bad feelings. We discussed introducing girl/boyfriends to our child (& other things) . I'm of the opinion we should wait, he siad we could "cross that bridge when we come to it." Turns out he has crossed that bridge and his girlfriend spends time with him and our child. I'm angry because he lied (again). But what is done is done, I've asked to him to try to be honest and keep me informed. He wants me to meet her, to "ease my mind". Frankly I don't need my mind eased. She introduced him to her kids right away. That's fine if that's her choice as a parent, I'm of another opinion but don't believe either of us are wrong. I trust my ex to take care of our child and keep him safe, so I don't feel like I need to "check her out."
What do you think? Should I meet her?
2006-11-04 09:25:33 · 20 answers · asked by seaelen 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I think that it is something that you have to be comfortable with yourself. One thing that you have to look at is, is this other woman going to be a part of your ex's life long term or is she just someone that is there today and gone tomorrow. If it looks like it could last, then i would say its a good idea. But if your ex is the type that doesn't have long relationships then i would put it off. I had a friend that would introduce her son to all of the guys that came into her life and it screwed up the child. He would get to know the guy and then the guy would be gone. Her son would go as far as calling the guys daddy. i felt so bad for the boy. You know your child the best and you should do what you think is right.
2006-11-04 10:05:58 · answer #1 · answered by fazugosgirl 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-21 23:43:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is a serious long term relationship, I would say yes. However, in the early stages, it could be pretty uncomfortable. I would probably wait a little bit before you met her. The impression that I get about her is she cares about how the kids feel about the relationship and probably has ended a probably a few relationships fast if her kids had a problem. However, this is probably a guess. In the long run, if this turns into a long term relationship, it is an idea to have at least some meetings at least twice a year for planning purposes to be in the same page. A friend of mine and her husband meet with his ex and her husband twice a year with summer planning and even the winter holidays to make sure the 16 year old does not miss an important family event with either family. And this custom has been going on 14 years with great success. Just view it as not checking her out but view it as getting to know her as a parent and how they mesh as a couple.
2006-11-04 12:07:51 · answer #3 · answered by dawncs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I whole heartedly agree with your opinion about introducing new boyfriends/girlfriends after a serious committment has been made. The last thing you want is to confuse your child with multiple people entering their lives.
At any rate, If he has offered for you to meet her, I would take him up on it. Obviously if the child is with him, his girlfriend will probably be there. You could get a feel as to how she is with your child and see if she's someone you can trust. Do you know much about her? You can see what HER parenting skills are so you can be rest assured, your child isn't going to be treated any differently just because your ex has a new girlfriend. Just how soon after they were dating did she introduce him to HER kids? He may not have told you he introduced your child to his new girlfriend when he did, because he knew how you'd react to it. If it had only been one month or let's say, 3 dates, would you have been OK with it?
On a side note, it takes 2 really mature individuals to put their differences aside for the sake of this child. Congratulations to you and your ex for thinking about the best interest of your 22 month old before your own personal feelings about the relationship that ended. It's extremely rare these days.
2006-11-04 11:32:21 · answer #4 · answered by Mom of 2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From my experience, it is almost certainly this new girlfriend who will be taking care of your child when the child is at Daddy's house. Daddy won't be doing it; the girlfriend will.
Especially since she has so many darned kids. I think you should meet her so you can judge if you want her taking care of your child or not. If all her kids are rude and have piercings all over their faces, then you don't really want her watching your child.
I also trust my ex to care for our son, but it is his girlfriend who does most of the child-raising at their house. I am fortunate that she does a very good job of it. So I think you should meet the girlfriend, yes.
2006-11-04 10:45:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So where did he lie? He did not agree to consult you on when he introduced your child to his girlfriend. He said "we will cross that bridge when we come to it". He came to it and made the choice to introduce his child to his girlfriend which as the child's father he has the right to do. You are making way too much of a very small issue. Twenty years from now it is not going to matter when or where your son was introduced to this woman, twenty years from now your ex may not even be involved with her. IF he is planning on a future with this woman it is more feasible that the introductions be done now.
2006-11-04 10:37:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Be the bigger person and meet her. What can it hurt? If this does turn out to be a long term thing for them, you will have some interaction with her from time to time as you and your ex have a child together. Meet her, be friendly towards her, and who knows? You may make a new friend.
2006-11-04 09:34:35 · answer #7 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you should have been upset. First of all ur ex should have told you about his plans to have his new girlfriend meet ur child. Not because he needs ur approval, but more out of respect for you just to let you know what is going to be happening in your childs life.
2006-11-04 10:07:07 · answer #8 · answered by Marie W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's necessary unless he plans on marrying her. If you don't want to meet her, then don't. Just tell him it's not necessary as long as he feels your son is safe and you trust him with that judgement. Although, if he lied what is he hiding from you. I would be more worried about that, than anything else.
2006-11-04 09:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this. Nobody knows another person well enough to bring their kids into it after only five months. Yes, I think you should meet her, get her full name, address and phone number.
Your ex obviously cannot be trusted for truthful information, so you'll have to take on responsibility.
2006-11-04 09:34:47 · answer #10 · answered by beez 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋