What do I do when I am in love with someone everyone tells me is not good for me?

Question

I am in love with my daughters father. We have been in an off again on again relationship since I was first pregnant.(she is 2 1/2 ) Our last split was last winter and we are just now starting to get along since we broke up due to physical violence on his part. I am not avictim type person that is why I left him, however these feelings won't go away and I feel in a state of stagnation. Can't seem to move on. Anyways if anyone has any good advice let me know. Thanx

Answer 1

If the man has a propensity for violence that won't change. They learn it from childhood and it is normal for them. Without counseling and a lot of hard work with a 12 step type program, he will not change his behavior. As far as loving him goes and not being able to move on, I understand. You are grieving the loss of your relationship. I might suggest you do some grief counseling yourself to find out what is so familiar to you about him and why you can't let go. I am grieving myself and it has been about the same amount of time accept my man is dead. I still have a hard time, but am getting help and have a tremendous support group. I would let go and get on with your life with counseling, just as your own support group is telling you. They love you and want the best for you, if he doesn't bring out the best in you, then they see that more clearly than you do in your denial. Good luck.

Answer 2

If you had the courage to walk out of an abusive relationship, be strong enough to stay out of it... who knows better than you, what you would have undergone... going back to something so painful would be punishing yourself. Be strong, find other interesting people and stay away from him- I know this is easier said than done- but you seem to be a strong person- you can do it. There are people who care about you- who ask you to stay away from him- you can lean on these people who are there for you, when you feel weakened. Also this time you have more at stake since you have a daughter together and her feelings could be hurt if things don't work out. . I don't think it's a chance worth taking. Do not allow yourself to get back with this man.
Take care and all the best

Answer 3

You have a connection, that's for sure. We can't always see what's best for us when we are in the middle of a bad situation. Our feelings (which will change) cloud our judgement. If everyone is telling you this is a bad relationship, then something is wrong. I'm not saying to dump the guy, but be on the look out for issues you may not think is a big deal now, but in a few years will be a big problem. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Only you know this guy and maybe some friends do,if he has violence towards you you know he will hurt you and it is also not fair for your daughter to live that way,she has to live your life right now do you want her growing up seeing violence,you may love this guy but if he is still the same move on before you lose your daughter and your life,it can get that bad you know,you here about it everyday,if you stay I hope your friends will keep and eye on you and your daughter and do something if you don't.

Answer 5

If he ever raised a hand to you,he is NOT good for you.People on the outside have a better perspective as to what is going on than you do.I do not say that to put you down,I've been in the abusive relationship.Every one told me that I had to leave and he wasn't good for me,I didn't listen,not many women do.We love them and think they will change,they won't.Trust what people are telling you,they are only looking out for your best interest.In a few years,you will totally understand what they are saying and wonder how you could have ever been so stupid.Any man that loves YOU,doesn't abuse you.Your child deserves a life free from fear.You will find a good man that treats you like you deserve.

Answer 6

Get over him!!!!!!! It will be very hard because of the bond that u 2 will alwayz hold becuz of the child but physical abuse is never a one time thing, if they do it once and u take them back that says to them "Baby u hurt me, but its ok to do it again when we are in disagreement " and that aint cool ever! So as I stated b-4 get over him even if it means taking counseling like I had to.It may hurt for a while but that pain will heal, Physical pain sometimes will never go away

Answer 7

You have to think what is important to you. Your daughter. Do you want her to grow up seeing that? I was in an abusive relationship with my son's father..It took me three times to finally leave him for good. I loved that man with all my heart. But I walked away, it was very hard I couldnt even stand to hear his voice without wanting to be back with him. But now,. we are friends and we are both in my sons life. Things are really great this way and we are both in relationships. I am happily married and he has been with his new girl friend for awhile. Love shouldnt hurt. It is the greatest feeling. Never any different if its with the one for you. true love only comes once but lasts a lifetime

Answer 8

split with him I am only 14 but sounds JUST like my mom and dad my dad was physical with my mom but she went back with him several times...don't put ur daughter through that it will give her an unstable life and due to the fact that this has happened to me so many time i have grew not even to CARE if my dad where to did tomorrow even though she is only two i hope she is in ur custody too

Answer 9

if it was a physical relationship (in a bad way) then don't go back soon enough the feeling will go away, try dating someone else that might help

Answer 10

Start right now to make a firm decision to move on in time you will be stronger for it thank you