We have been dating over 2 years, we started dating our senior year of high school and everything was fine.we decided to go to colleges in the same city, about 30 min apart. Over the past year she has been increasingly needy. She needs to hang out every/all weekend, she needs to have at least a 10-15 min conversation twice a day, not to mention a 30 min phone conversation at night before we go to sleep. if i am talking to her online, and stop paying attention to her (because i am doing a paper or something) she gets upset and gives me attitude, when we part ways after hanging out all weekend, she completely shuts off and becomes very negative and depressed. She gets pissed if i only give her a 5 min conversation. I have a busy life to lead in college, plenty of work and such, and if seems like she doesnt understand. Now dont get me wrong, i do loveher,we have alot in common, laugh alot. I take pride in how well i treat her, i give her loads of attention,love and time, shes 2 need
2006-11-04 07:40:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
deb, let me rephrase. I spend every weekend, all weekend with her, i have done so for 2 years straight. Because of that, i have no more guy friends, or friends in general. I try, but i dont have time. She texts messages me 20-30 times a day and if i do not reply to all of them, i get yelled at. I get her flowers for no reason at all, or bring her food. If she is having a bad day, i will come and cheer her up. I take care of her problems for her, spoil her with everything possible. I have driven to her @ 2:00 in the mornign just to kiss her when she needed someone. I think the problem is i am to soft. I give in to easy, and i put myself out there to much and its going to end up hurting me. I love her dearly, and I give her all the time i can. I have to balance out her, schoolwork, writing for the city's news paper, the school paper, sports, and a job. I have to sacrifice all of my free time to make it work, and I do not think that is fair.
2006-11-04 08:10:02 · update #1
and its not the ammount of phone calls, i love talking to her. I truly do, i love spending time with her. Its just when i stop that i get my head bitten off. Or i only give a 5 min phone conversation and she treats me with attutide and depression all day. That is what im upset about.
2006-11-04 08:14:01 · update #2
As I recall, college is busy if you are doing all your coursework so if she has all this extra time that she needs to fill with your company then she needs to ask herself why? Is she not doing her school work? Is she not happy where she is? Sounds like she is not adjusting to college life at all and instead is just falling back on you because you're her safety. I think it's time to have a serious conversation with her. Maybe college is not for her, and that's fine, but she needs to understand that you are giving it a shot and that is going to take a large commitment on your part and she needs to back off and respect that. If she can't then maybe it's time for you two to split up. People do grow apart you know.
2006-11-04 07:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by elk312 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. She really is needy.
My boyfriend and I are also in college and we are also pretty busy. However, he is mostly the busy one because he goes to work as well.
I understand how his life is and I don't get pissed off at him for not calling me whenever and not giving me enough time. I get to hang out with him on weekends (most of the time).
I can see his effort.
How long have you kept up this routine of doing what she says..... having a 10-15 minute conversation twice a day..... a 30 minute conversation at night.... etc.? Maybe she's just become sooo used to that, that she can't handle a change. But she should be able to realize that you just can't do that EVERY SINGLE DAY. A routine isn't supposed to be PERMANENT. Things can happen.
Your girlfriend doesn't seem to understand your situation. It sounds like you really do try seeing her and balancing the rest of the things in your life. I think the problem in this relationship is HER. Being needy is not going to get her anywhere. She should understand how your life is... ESPECIALLY after 2 years. You should talk to her and tell her how you feel about this. Tell her you don't like the way she's been acting and that you're really trying. You just naturally have a life outside of her. And I really think you SHOULD take pride in the way you treat her. You seem like a really great guy. And if she really loves you, she will change the way she's been acting and understand your point of view. If she doesn't, there will be another girl who appreciates the way you treat her and will not treat you like the way your girlfriend is right now.
Just let her know how you feel because a relationship is all about communication. I wish you the very best.
2006-11-04 15:47:14 · answer #2 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
high school was over 2 yrs ago dude. by reading what you have to say i would imagine that you have grown mentally and is very focused with your priorities. honestly, if your gf is still stuck in high school mode then maybe you dont need that in your life right now. maybe you need to nicely space away from each other so that the both of you can prioritze and focus on whats real, what's now and what's important for your future.
if you feel that breaking up wont help any, then you seriously need to have a one on one face to face conversation about life in the now. talk about how much of a work load you have now compared to what you had in hs. explain the different aspects of what youre trying to get out of college and explain that its hard for you to move forward with her doing such and such. yes it might hurt her, but its the truth that you need to share with her. you never know why she is doing what she does. maybe she is going through something that she isnt telling you or came up with a conclusion that makes her feel insecure with your relationship.
you can try setting actual dates and times of when to hang out and/or call according to the schedules that you 2 have and that way it would a lot easier and not something that is a total surprise to have. also, that way time is committed to just you 2.
goodluck. best wishes.
2006-11-04 15:49:48 · answer #3 · answered by bjperez07 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obviously you really care about this girl. However, if she really cares about you, too, then she'll understand that the best thing for you right now is to focus on college. She's probably worried about you meeting someone else; why else would she suddenly become so needy? You can put her mind at ease by doing little things that prove to her she's the only one you're interested in. Surprise her with dinner one day or something like that. If you up the romance factor, chances are she won't be so needy anymore.
2006-11-04 15:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by skichamonix515 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You give her loads of attention, love and time? When???? All she asks for is to see you weekends, a total of maybe 45 minutes of conversation a day and you think she's asking for too much? This girl's going to be spending her weekends with a guy who has more time for her soon, if you don't wake up.
2006-11-04 15:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe it is because you are so good a guy that she wants to spend top time with you. There is a thin line between being fond and being obsessive. I'd bring out my feelings about this very openly to her. While stressing that you still love her and prefer her to any other girl, be bold and tell her plainly that her behavior is unacceptable and upsets you. If she loves you, she'll definitely understand and change her ways. Good luck.
2006-11-04 15:48:21 · answer #6 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kinda sounds like she's worried that you are cheating that she's worried that you have other women... OR maybe she's the one that did the cheating. There has to be a reason that she just started doing this and didn't do it when u 2 first hooked up
2006-11-04 15:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by lisas_lost 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
have you given her any reason to be so needy? what i would do is talk to her and tell her that you need to have some space not alot but some. you are struggling in school because she won't give you time to do your work. tell her that absence makes the heart grow fonder. good luck. i hope this works for you.
2006-11-04 15:47:35 · answer #8 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to get her self-esteem up? Maybe she's going through something she hasn't told you about. I mean, she's in college, so it seems to me that she's demonstrating independence as a woman. If the relationship's so great, talk to her honestly and openly about that area.
2006-11-04 15:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell her to get a life, and stop taking all of yours.
2006-11-04 15:42:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋