Single mothers???? PLEASE HELP!!!?

Question

I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old girl. I haven't been with her father since I was preggo, and he hasn't played an active role in her entire life. He only sees her once every 3 months. He doesn't pay his support, he doesn't buy any necessities for her, ( clothing, school fees/supplies, etc.) And he never has. But every now and then, when he decides to step into his daughter's life again, he will bring up taking me to court for custody. I have tried to avoid it cuz I was told that I would end up with joint custody and I feel that's not in my girl's best interests. When he wants to be, he can be VERY controlling and has already told me that when he has his visits, he is to have them and she can't do her planned activities, ( sleepovers, dance lessons, etc.) And countless more demands. I would like to have sole custody and give him visitation rights. Do I have grounds for this? Why should he have joint custody when he has never played an active role in her life??

The courts have already tried to make him pay support..HE JUST DOESN'T....Most of his threats happen over the phone. There are plenty of witnesses for the things he does....and yes I do keep receipts.

Answer 1

Get yourself an attorney & make it so that your child support has to be paid to the court & then distributed to you. That way if he doesn't pay, the court will find him.

Also get your back child support for all the years that it hasn't been paid.

Document all the days, weeks, months, years or whatever that her father has ignored her. Or document only the days that he's ever been around her. Give that documentation to your lawyer. You'll be able to gain complete custody of your child if you can prove the father has not been in her life.'

Answer 2

I'm wondering here if the two of you have actually gone to court on any of this because of some of the things you say. Is child support for her court ordered? If so, and he is not paying take him back to court. Is the joint custody court ordered? If not take him to court, however, keep in mind that a joint order of custody is NOT for the parents benefit but for the CHILD'S. Whether he wants to exercise that right or not is his CHOICE, but it is in order for the child to have contact with her father be it every three days or every three months or even every three years. It is the CHILD'S right to have access to BOTH of her parents.
That also goes for the child support, it is NOT for the custodial parent, that is for the expenses incured in raising a child, that includes school fees/supplies. The amount awarded is based upon the non-custodial parent's income and the custodial parent's expenses in caring for the child. IF you had this all out in court the court would set visitation times and dates but obviously this hasn't been the case. But again he should have joint custody because of your DAUGHTER's right to see her father.

Answer 3

well, then let the boy take you to court. You can tell the judge yourself that he has been told to pay child support and that he hasn't to the day, show him the reciepts and tell the judge that if this man really wanted to be in the childs life that he should be able to try and help out financially first and start to reintroduce him back in the childs life.

As for the threats on the telephone, get a speakerphone that records the call and record it. This man sounds like a sleeze ball and just trying to get attention. That is no way a man should act anyway, so good luck and whatever you do, do not ever let that child be alone with that man.

Answer 4

It's scary isn't it? You know, he may just say that to upset you. It could just be head games. You don't know for sure though, so if I were you I'd talk to an attorney. The first visit should be free. Take a list of questions so you don't forget anything you want to know. Find out what is involved in getting custody. What you need to do and what it costs and if there is a payment plan.

Another thing you may want to do is go to your State Attorney Generals child support division and take him to court for support. When I went to court with the AG in Texas they had a visitation plan that went along with the child support.

Answer 5

First of all, its not right for him to come into her life when he wants, and then she has to miss all the stuff she enjoys doing. Go to a lawyer. If he is not in your life, don't tell him, or anyone else that he knows, people have a way of telling and not meaning too. Tell the lawyer what goes on, see if you could possibly get sole custody. As far as child support, My mom's ex, not my father, refused to pay, so WHEN he works it comes out of his checks. He doesn't see their kids. He was very abusive.
I wouldn't worry about him taking you to court, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, and he knows that or he would have already taken you to court. If he doesn't have a court order to see your daughter, you don't have to let him.
The best thing you can do is go to a lawyer monday, and see what can be done.

Answer 6

If he has not paid any support in all this time, no judge is going to give him custody, unless he can prove abuse on your part. You can keep him from seeing her unless he files for visitation rights and the visitation schedule is then ordered by the court. He will not have rights to see her, except for the times he is scheduled, and then with advance notice.

You should seek professional legal advice. Do not let him control you or your daughter's life and do not be afraid.

In reference to his visitation rights, the court may order him to pay the back support and keep up present support or lose his rights. You can fight him on this.

Good Luck!
Sue

Answer 7

If you have not filed for child support do so now.... Get a lawyer and bring all saved reciepts. Take him to court let the judge know you want him to have supervised visitation. Explain everything to your lawyer and have a chat with GOD you will do fine. The key is take him to court don't wait for him to take you. This shows that you are fed up and tired of the b.s. and you just want whats best for your child. Since he isn't doing anything for her. If he really wanted your daughter he would have taken you to to court before this. Talk is cheap make him walk.

Answer 8

My friend is a single mother, and got a book and researched all her rights as a single parent. She now knows exactly what she can do. Laws may vary by state, so you need to do your homework.

As a child who grew up with no father, I am actually very glad now that he was never around. My friends who had dads like your daughters who are in and out of their lives whenever they please, all had a very hard time. Girls with unstable male role models often end up having guy issues in the future. When it comes to parenting, it should be all or nothing. Thats what being a real parent is all about. This man should not be putting your daughter through the agony of never knowing when daddy will be there for her, and as she gets older, it can cause real problems. My two best friends had fathers like your daughter's dad, and they both became promiscous teens who liked to date really clingy men, and then break their hearts. It caused them a lot of agony, until they realized that trying to fill the hole their fathers left in that way was harmful. Do your research, find out exactly what your rights are, and fight for your daughters future.

Answer 9

You need to go to court so the threats stop. Tell the judge what you told us and ask that any time be spent supervised or limit it to one day every couple weeks.

They will find in your favor likely all though when I went I ended up with 50/50 custody :(

Enforce the child support- he'll go to jail if he doesn't pay.

Answer 10

If he has not paid support, odds are the court will not grant joint custody. Be honest with your case worker about why you don't think it's a good idea (him being controlling etc.).