My Dad died several weeks ago. I need advice?

Question

He died after suffering from cancer for 2 years. I struggle on some days. How can I cope better.

I am not religious at all so no God answers please!

Answer 1

Registered Nurse Here; Well hun, wish I had a magic wand to wave over you, and rid you of all the pain, and gut wrenching emotions, you surely must be feeling. A Wise Man,"My Father", once told me, "Life is for the Living", treasure your memories, for no one can take them from you. Your dad had suffered 2 long years, his suffering ended, and even though you suffered with him, now you suffer alone. For when someone we love so dearly dies. We all wish for that one more sunrise, one more sun sent, one more day to be with and talk to that person. It's always, "If we just had that one more day", Your in a hard place right now, most things began small and work up to something big. Sorrow and death starts out big, and with time, we all learn how to be thankful for what we had, gradually the pain lessens, although we never forget, the sorrow and pain begins to lessen, and we are left with our dreams, the only place we can be with the loved one again and our memories. I know you said no God Answers, and maybe this is splitting hairs, but if you could reach for a higher power, in find some peace and tranquility in this. I know you can't see or touch this higher power. But neither can one see the wind, but it's sure felt. Who knows maybe when that wind blows by you, it's your daddy, letting you know his presence.

Answer 2

I lost mine too from cancer this year in June and the sad thing is that there is no easy fix. You'll have sad days and low days and days when you'll not know how you can go on. But the thing is somehow you will so long as you face up to it which clearly you are doing by asking this question. Talking, as with so many things, is the answer. Sometimes a friend will be the best person to talk to other times a stranger on the net. I also found that it has helped to keep a diary of my feelings over the last few months, somewhere where you can just unload your feelings. Stay strong, from the number of answers you have here you've clearly a lot of people out there thinking of you and if i can do anything to help then.... [e-mail]

Answer 3

My mum just died 3 weeks ago from cancer. She sufferred for 8 mths. Up to now i haven't really accepted that she's no more. Everyday i talk abt her and it does help. Always keep in mind that he's no more suffer'g and that he';s in a much better place and that he will always be with you in ur heart, love and memories.

I have seek medical help. Try to do the same. Also do remember that ur suffer'g cannot be greater than others. I have seen mothers lost their little child and try to console myself that my mum has live enough. My mum was the only family i had, my dad died a few yrs ago. So, am all alone in this world yet i try to help others in their suffer'g and it help mine.

My thoughts are with you.

Answer 4

so sorry to hear that, i found the best way to cope after i lost a loved one was to throw myself into things like work and hobbies and not dwell on things 2 much.
Other things u could do would be to try and raise money for cancer awareness and make your dad proud by helping poeple with cancer. I took part in the race 4 life this year for cancer awareness and only made a small amount but felt like i had acheived something. I know its not easy and some days u will find it harder then others but dont bottle it all up have a good cry and let it all out, hope this helps xxx

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss...I lost my dear dad to cancer July last year and some days I still struggle. Its such early days for you honey, and you need to give yourself a break, you will cope better but this is all part of the grieving process. You cannot possibly get over losing such a huge part of your whole life so soon and no one should expect you to. If you feel like you need to cry for your dad, then do it. This all takes time, and I am not going to say that time heals because personally I don't think it does, its just that, in time, we learn to adjust to a different way of life, life without our loved one and things certainly aren't quite the same without them again. I hope you are lucky enough like me to have good friends and supportive loving family around you to grieve with you and help you through this, we all need each other at times like this. Your dad has been a significant, important part of your life, and like me, you never imagined he would never be around. I talk to my dads photo most days, I cry to him, I tell him I miss him and that I love him and that I wish he was here...I honour him and light a candle for him and think of him ...to be honest there is nothing else I can do...if you ever need to chat..email me...sending you love and hugs ...take care xxx

Answer 6

My husband passed 5 mo ago today from lung cancer. I am still struggling. Thankfully I have children so I have to keep going but it is soooo hard. I am not religious either. You need to stay strong for your family members. You might want to try a support group it helps some people. So sorry for your loss. Good luck and hang in there

Answer 7

My dad passed away when I very young. He was also a very young person (he was 36 and had skin cancer). It never gets easy, but it gets to be less hard. If that makes sense. I still have days that I struggle thru as well. Talking about your dad to anyone, family, others that knew him, it all helps!

Concentrate on the good and loving memories and keep pictures up! I still talk to my dad on occasion... Just in my head, I'll say stuff, like, "man dad, i bet you loved that'... it really does help.

Sorry about your loss, love and time will help heal the hurt.

Answer 8

you dont need pills or religon or any other silly idea all you need is a close relative or a best friend to talk to- an old friend of the family that knew your dad well would be your best bet to sit down and laugh about all the fun times you spent with your dad hun x i know its not the same but im a nurse and lost a patiant of mine who in the time she had cancer we became very close and now i look back and laugh at the good times we shared its the best way and the only way to get through celebrate his life, im sure thats what he'd want most xx good luck hunnie xx

Answer 9

My father passed away when I was 16... That was 30 years ago. You will have good and bad days until the grieving process is complete. That is different for each person. It will take time. My father also was sick for almost 2 years and it was very hard after watching him become sicker and sicker. The only advice I can offer is rememer the happy times and let the grieving process complete. It is very hard to lose someone you love. I just lost my mother a few years ago and it takes time but you will see that in time you will be able to think of them without as much pain. I hope I have helped you a little.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel ,my dad died in july this year ,after having bowel and liver cancer for 8 months ,I am still trying to come to terms with his death ,I miss him so much ,he was my hero and I cry every day. I am not religious either so god doesnt even come in to this .They say times a healer but I dont believe that at the moment ,this is the hardest thing i have ever had to face in my life.I think you just have to take every day as it comes ,and try and think about all the good times you had with him ,if you want to chat ,please email me ,take care xx

Answer 11

I am sorry for your loss.
My dad died last January. I have just taken it 1 day at a time. I believe I could not ask my dad to stay on earth in his mortal body another day. He was so sick, and It would be unfair for me to be so selfish to expect him to suffer and be in pain another day just so I would not have to go on without him.
I always knew my parents would die some day, and I never expected to out live them. I just never wanted my dad to leave me alone in the world because of the safety I felt with him around.
As time goes on, your pain and grief will become less and then you can remember the good times and understand your dad raised you to be the person you are today, with a conscience, knowing the difference between right and wrong, and being who you are and now its up to you to be that person
Grief is experienced by everyone in their own way and if it helps to cry, then cry. Your life has been touched by your special dad and he would want you to go on to be the person he raised to be like him.