military/ Pensacola?

Question

Ok i have a question about Pensacola, now i don't want to be a pessamist but i'm really upset about what my husband of 7 yrs did when he went for his NDI last yr in pensacola... he's a marine and i have hardcore proof that he was at least "trying" to cheat on me. I found a myspace account that i got the password to and saw the emails to girls there that he was trying to pick up. i have been a faithful wife to him this whole time, he's been through 4 deployments and once for a yr. I ran into another two girls that had this same problem when their men (marines) whom were in pensacola. Anything on this? i heard they (girls) are easy there... i'm not happy and he's deployed again. I'm ticked, and want revenge, i've been very good to him... we have two kids and i thought we were happy but i'm tired of his bull**it denials. What should i do? pls help, i can't talk to him until march and i'm going crazy....Why????

Answer 1

When your husband returns from deployment, the two of you are going to need to have a serious conversation. You're justifiably upset about his flirting with girls through his MySpace account. At the same time, he's likely going to be upset that you "got" the password-- he may accuse you of going out of your way to spy on him, and turn it around so that you're having to defend yourself.

It has nothing to do with Pensacola-- any place would do (and in any case, the problem with MySpace is that he has no idea if the girls actually were in Pensacola... or even if they were actually girls!). If he was picking up girls in bars, it would be a more serious problem... but it's still a problem.

You are going to need to talk to somebody long before March-- someone neutral, and professional. Otherwise this is just going to keep building up-- the anger and jealousy and hurt and fear-- until you explode. Kellie, you wrote that you want revenge, but I think you know that getting revenge would, in the long run, be bad for you, for him, and for the children (especially for the children)... particularly if it turns out that he never actually cheated on you.

Do you know a clergy person you can talk to, or a counselor? If you're on base or near one, the chaplains' office would be a good place to start. Not only do chaplains understand the military system, this is an issue they deal with a great deal. They can also contact the chaplain assigned to whatever unit or MEU your husbands' deployed with, if they think that somone needs to talk to him right away.

The most important thing right now, though, is to avoid doing anything that will create more damage. That means taking care of yourself, and not letting the rage sour your life until March-- your kids deserve better, and you deserve better. Kellie, try to remember that this is the same guy that you once fell in love with (you can, if you try, even remember why-- what it was about him that made you want to spend the rest of your life with this man). The guy you married seven years ago is still in there, even if you're having trouble finding him right now. The things you liked and admired-- they're still part of him. Was he loving? Smart? Cute? Funny? He was something, or you wouldn't have married him and borne him two children, wouldn't have stayed with him for seven years. It may take some serious work do get rid of whatever junk he's buried all those positive attributes under, but if was once worth it he probably still is... and it's worth the trouble, for the marriages sake, for your sake, and for your children's sake.

Good luck, Kellie. I really wish the best for you.

Answer 2

I concur with the answer above. I don't think there's anything magical about P'cola that makes men unfaithful. From the sounds of it, there were problems long before he travelled there. P'cola isn't much different than any other military town. Being a Marine here isn't anything special since there's a few thousand others already here.

Answer 3

i don't think it is a military thing, or a pensacola thing. i think it is a thing between you and your husband. sounds like you have marital issues that would best be handled privately. but since you've made it public. If you consider your marriage worth saving, then i suggest you confront him and tell him that you don't believe his stories and that you both should seek help from a counselor. if he says no, then it is simple. say good-bye to your marriage...