Why doesn't she trust me?? What DID I DO?? Ladies and Guys can you Help?? I need to know!!?

Question

My gf was molested by my friend(he's not my friend now), she's okay but now she wants absolutely to physical contact. She is a 5'1 gymnast who used to love to be held and touched. I used to be able to walk up behind her and pick her up cuz she's so light, but now she is talking about quitting gymnastics cuz her female coach keeps asking is everythings all right. She won't even let her family hug her. If a person bumps her in the hall at school she gets all uneasy. What can I do to help?? When will she (if ever) be the same again?? She blames herself. When she cries I go to hold her and she pulls away. What can I do To help? She absolutely does NOT want to report it. I will stand behind her no matter what she decides but What can I do to help. Her family knows but Why is she so afraid?? What can I do to make her trust me??

I hate seeing her like this but I try to help but she pulls away. How can I get my gf back?? When will she be back to normal??

Will she ever want to be held or touched again?? Will she ever want to have sex again??

Answer 1

I've been in your girlfriends position and your not going to like what I have to say but YOU can't do anything to make her the "same" again. She won't ever be the same again. She is always going to have trust issues and the physical thing will always be harder for her then a person who hasn't been through what we've been through. I have gotten a lot better over the years with tons of medical help and a lot of support from my family and friends. The best thing to do is let her know that your always there for her. Let her know that if she wan't something physical that its up to her and that she needs to let you know. Don't try to touch her or test her because everytime you do your pushing her further away just use words instead of your hands. Tell her you care abouyt her, tell her that you want to hold her bur that your okay waiting if she needs time. be patient and if she's not seeing a "talk doctor" find a way to suggest it to her because thats what she really needs!

Answer 2

If her family knows why don't they support her in reporting the molestation and getting her the help she obviously needs? Re: Councilling? She needs to talk about it. If she can't talk about it, write about it.
Events like this unfortunately forever effect lives. Will she ever trust you again? What makes you think she suddenly doesn't trust you at all? She talks to you doesn't she? That's a good thing!!
My advice is just be there for her, let her know that you are (Stay positive!) and will be and don't try to touch her. Obviously she gives you negetative signals when you have tried. Let her come to you, when she is ready, re: physically.
This girl need loving support from those closest to her.
As for her gymnastics, encourage her to keep going. It is a positive thing. Perhaps talk to her instructor and tell her to stop asking her if everything is alright and tell her why to stop, or else have the parents talk to the instructor. Good luck.

Answer 3

You should insist on her gtting some kind of conuseling because this has had a dramatic effect on her and the way she acts around others as well as you. You should just let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk but at the same time you will give her space so that she can heal and not feel overwhelmed by you. This friend needs to be reported because it is obivious that she does not feel safe around anyone maybe if he is in jail it will help her to begin the healing process she needs in order to start to rebuild her trust and self esteem

Answer 4

Molestation is a crime and has a phsycological effect on a person. I think your gf is looking for justice, which she cannot get due to social or family reasons and is being supressed. If you care enough, give her justice even if it has to be a legal step and closure on this traumatic incident is very important, as the effect of it is already manifesting by her refusal to hug. Take action my friend and do it now!

Answer 5

She will never be the same she need to report it so he doesn't do this to someone else.And not to be mean but he didn't molested he he raped her. She need to get help and if her mom and dad know then they need to step up and do their job. The reason she feels it is her fault is because she not a little girl she should have been able to make him stop. but that is the way it happien. Someone need to stand up for her because right now she can't.I Know what you're going though my 15 year old daughter is going thought this to. She will never be the same person again but you can help her get help before it to late when stuff like this happien to people they lose who they are and start doing thing that can hurt them to make the pain go away so please don't wait for her to say it's okay to report it because it might be to late. and she need to be seen by a dr. for what going on in her head.

Answer 6

as hard as it is, be patient and continue to be there for her. it is going to take a long time for her to be able to trust again and the shame and humiliation she feels for herself are very dangerous things. keep telling her it is not her fault and try to get her to a counselor. if she doesn't want to report it they won't make her but they will be able to help her emotionally and psychologically and that is what she needs right now.

stay true to her and just be yourself, let her guide you in what you offer as to physical contact, and continue to let her know she is a good person and it was not her fault that no one has the right to abuse another person whatever the cause.

Answer 7

it's not you, it's what's happened to her. she needs to talk to other people that have been through the same thing. I went through a very similar situation in high school with one of my friends and i didn't say anything either. it totally messed me up and i tried to kill myself. i was then forced into a support group which REALLY helped me. They are annonomous and full of girls going through the same thing. she will get better, it just takes time. I just got better and that happened to me when i was 15 and I'm 25 now. I just started to feel better 4 years ago enough to get close to someone and fall in love and marry them. the sooner she gets help, the better for her mentally and emotionally. she doesn't have to report it, she just needs to look for a support group. no police or parents involved. please feel free to email me if you have more questions or have her email me. good luck. just keep showing her that you care and you're not like the others.

Answer 8

You have to consider how recently this happened. If you truly love her, keep hands off but keep telling her you love her, and wait until she reaches for you first, then go very slowly. Having been a victim of rape, I understand how she feels, but she can learn to trust you again if you just give her room to heal and stilll be there when she's ready for physical contact again. Be her strength, her friend.

Good luck.

Answer 9

that sounds more like rape to me. the poor girl. molestation usaually doesn't have thoses kinds of deep side effects. i know. personal victim xperience. on both sides. rape and molestation. she could be holding out due to anger. she might hold resentment because no one waas there to protect her. more time is all you can do for her at this point. continue to show her your there for her now. respect her new found phobia space. you may not want to but you have too. she a grieving victim

Answer 10

You're paying for some other guy's mistakes. Building trust is a slow painful process, and you may never succeed. Do the best you can. Hopefully, she'll come to trust you.