Your partner slowly stops wanting to have sex, feels it is not an important act, even though in the beginning you discussed the fact that it was very important to you and your bf/gf agreed. So months go by with very little contact and what contact you did have was unsatisfying, (he was done in under 5 mins). Very little contact being 4 attempts in 16 months. I very much love him but NEED to have a sex life, Now he says go else where but I know he will leave if I do, its not just the act I need but the intamecy and feeling also, so if I get my sexual needs met elsewhere is it cheating? Breaking up was concidered but not wanted.
2006-11-04 05:24:36 · 24 answers · asked by Shell 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow many responces ty. One thing I need to point out is that I know he is not a cheater, no question or concern there and he is not gay!! Just thinks sex is not needed..Weird
2006-11-04 05:31:39 · update #1
Hey Seeker..Sorry but no, I am good but you made me laugh ty!
2006-11-04 05:38:58 · update #2
Hello Shell,
Don't stick with a guy that can't take care of your sexual needs. There are plenty of guys out there (the majority of them) who would give their eye teeth for a girl friend who wants more sex.
I don't feel that you need to cheat on him. I think that you should dump him and look elsewhere. It sounds like he just isn't as much into you. I know, it's a tired cliché that "there's better fish in the sea", but it's true.
I'm sure that your boy friend can find an old dried up prude that he can make very happy, but you need to take care of yourself and your needs first. Best of luck to you.
--Rick
2006-11-04 05:34:42 · answer #1 · answered by rickrudge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is this dude? If he is a young male, his sex drive should be pretty way up there. A decrease of testosterone levels can greatly reduce the sex drive. Also some drugs can also effect sex drive. Steroids can reduce sex drive and so can alcohol and tobacco. If he is healthy, then it could be stress related. If you don't live together, you don't know what he does on his off time. If he has been with another person all this time, he could have an active sex life elsewhere, and too tired to deliver when it comes to you. He could be gay.
I know with my ex, there was a drastic decrease in wanting to have sex. It happened to infrequently, my advances were turned down 99% of the time and it got to the point that what little enjoyment I got out of it wasn't worth the effort. Also, if you fall out of love with someone, or worse, you start to hate them.... then you can really feel dirty after having sex with them.
In any case, you need to find out what the root cause for his lack of sex drive. Until then, you will not know if it can be fixed.
2006-11-04 05:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the chances are he has had this problem for a long time and he should seek counseling,,a mans pride can take a good battering but not where sex is concerned,it IS unfair for him to want you to go outside the marriage because you dont seem the cheating kind and hopefully he knows this,,you are right tho,,he wont like it BUT may not say anything to make you leave him,,this could destroy everything,,he needs to know you want a whole husband,not half and sex is something you should be able to expect in a marriage.keep going with the cuddles and kisses but you have to stress you want him to get help,,you want a love life with him not another man.
2006-11-04 05:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DITCH HIM LIKE CANCER!!!!...he is destroying you on the inside. If anyone tells you that sex isnt important and to go somewhere else they really dont care about you. If someone loved and cared about you they wouldnt put you in harms way. I would say anything less than a year and a half and you dont see it getting better then leave him. yeah its gonna be hard but it is better than spending another 6 months-1 year knowing that you wasted valuable time in your life with this person that never really cared about you or truely loved you inside out.
2006-11-04 05:32:04 · answer #4 · answered by one_beyond_beauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Shell
I have some good news and some bad ones. The good news is I suspect he is not cheating, the bad news however is that I think he might have lost interest. I think the relationship needs some excitement to get both parties more excited about the relationship. Try roleplay or some kama sutra it might living up your romance
Love
Juanita B
2006-11-04 05:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Juanita B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in almost the same situation as you. I get plenty of sex at home, but I want more. I found a guy who I would love to include in my life, but he is 1500 miles away. I already have a vibrator, so I end up fantasizing alot about my husband and my other guy w/ me at the same time. I don't consider that cheating.
2006-11-04 05:31:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to him. If he says he has no interest, ask him if he really wants you to go to someone else just for that.intimacy is an important thing and if you don't feel it is in your life at the moment then it is probably best to end the relationship and go elsewhere......
2006-11-04 05:29:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is cheating. If you sleep with another person that is cheating.
I know that you are saying that sex is important but until you can work that out with your partner, aren't there other ways of achieving intimacy?
See if you can get him to have non genital sex. Kissing, touching, stroking. You know just be intimate but no sexual parts are touched. You never know it might lead to sex but you will for sure get intimacy
2006-11-04 05:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by CaTT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you need to understand that this is not a functional relationship. You have a basic need that is not being met. The question is, why is he not interested?? I wouldn't say that you should get your sexual needs met elsewhere, I say you should end the relationship. Who did not want to breakup?
2006-11-04 05:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by EchoCharlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men need sex more than that. So chances are he is already getting it somewhere else. And by saying go else where to get it he is subconsciously given himself away. Were not hard to figure out in some small way he has told you that he has your just not catching it. And besides he gave you permission to get some so go get some! Hell call me!
2006-11-04 05:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by don b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋