I'm not a mum yet but would love to have children in the future. It worries me that so many kids nowadays want too many material things (even those who don't get everything they want). My husband and I would like our children to have a privaleged upbringing but I would hate for them to not appreciate how hard we work to give them nice things. Any tips on getting the balance right?
2006-11-04 04:39:26 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Give them what is good for them, only allowing luxuries for special occasions. Feel free to say "no" and mean it. If they go through that tantrum stage, it will be much shorter if you ignore them. As long as you give them attention, or give in to their screams and give them what they want, it will continue. Loving firmness is the key.
When they are old enough to do any chores, give them regular chores to do that are age appropriate, and an allowance. That way they begin to learn the value of money, and gain a sense of self-esteem resulting from being a productive, giving member of the family. They also enjoy buying something with their own money. This can begin by age 3 to 5 with chores as simple as making their own bed and picking up their toys and a little allowance that will buy them an ice-cream treat or something once a week.
I was not wealthy when raising my children and would tell them no often because I did not have the money. They are now fine young adults who are not greedy and content with what they have. What is important is that there be love in the home, and attention. Children with a priviledged upbringing who had no boundaries are often miserable and greedy. I would rather be poor and have children who know they are loved.
Shower your children with TIME and affection. That is much more important than material things in shaping their character and happiness. Material things are nice, but secondary to parental love, which they don't get from things.... but from loving and fun times with you.
God Bless,
Sue
2006-11-04 04:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have three children and found the best way to make sure they are not spoilt is to use certain things as a daily reward for behaving and helping. This is not saying that my children have to do chores as they are only 6, 4 and 1 but to appreciate something you have to feel like you have earned it. My children go horse riding and dancing etc. But if they do not behave these privileges are taken away after a warning so that they have the choice to stop or pay the consequences. I also believe children who are extremely loved and are shown lots of affection do not need loads of material possessions and up to a certain age do not even realise the difference. Good luck in becoming a parent when you are ready it is hard work but a lot of fun and worth every effort.
2006-11-04 06:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by clairewENSLEY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A privileged upbringing doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be materialistic. I think that a privileged upbringing is about having two parents that want and love you, and will spend time to play with you. Take you for walks in the park, teach you how to bake cakes/cookies etc. Somebody to tuck you in bed at night and give you boundaries. It is a hard balance to strike but I am sure that the fact that you are thinking about it, means that you have the best of intentions and I am sure you will make a good mum.
2006-11-04 11:18:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I worry about the same thing!
I think the best thing to do is to communicate with your kids. Not only does communication bring a family together, but the kids will have at least some idea as they get older how mom & dad provide these nice things. Another idea would be when the kids are old enough to have them earn some of these things. My first lesson in earning things was when I was about 7 and I really wanted a certian doll. My mom told me that I would need to earn the doll via chores. At the end of each day, if I had done my chores, my mom would pay me a small amount. At the end of about a month I had enough to buy the doll myself. It ended up that the lesson was a twofer - working to earn money and learning to save for something you really want. These teachings have stuck with me, and I still have the doll almost 30 years later (I think I took such good care of her because I had to earn her).
Great question! :)
2006-11-04 04:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by CatTech 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Teach them to understand 'No'. My brothers and sisters used to slap their children to reinforce 'no' when it was necessary, that little sting got the children's attention and did the job and there's no need for slapping anymore.
Also, get them to do what you did for nice things - to work for them. They have regular chores to do at home - age appropriate, of course - that have to do with the upkeep of the home in general, such as folding laundry, tidying the living room, emptying or filling the dishwasher, setting the table, putting out rubbish, etc., and this is what gets them their pocket money. If they don't do the chores, they don't get the pocket money.
I would also suggest that you leave their bedroom as 'their' responsibility, just ask them to pick up all the stuff off the floor once a week so you can hoover in there, but otherwise don't interfere unless asked (again, depending on your children's ages). You can always close the door on any mess - it's much easier!
But it's better to be firm and consistent - clothes get washed if they are put in the laundry basket, for example, or those clothes simply do not get washed. Otherwise you are picking up after them. You could set a day for certain household jobs you will be doing, say Wednesday for hoovering, and they have to pick stuff up off the floor for this. And agree that Thursday (for example) is a laundry day - and favourite clothes are more likely to be clean and ready for the weekend. They'll appreciate what you do if they have to contribute to it, because if they don't have to contribute to it they don't get what they want ... and if they don't get what they want, it'll be because they didn't follow through on what was generally agreed to be their responsibility ....
2006-11-04 05:48:16 · answer #5 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Err on the side of a simpler upbringing. A great upbringing should have as little as possible to do with material things. Make sure they know the value of money early. Instead of an allowance, make them work for things they want.
2006-11-04 05:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by tamesbadger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try saying no more often than yes. Be resolved early on not to give in just for the sake of a quiet life. Realise that bringing up children requires resolve, self discipline and a great deal of time.
Too many people bring children into the world for the wrong reasons.
2006-11-04 04:52:52 · answer #7 · answered by Peter W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just don,t answer to their tantrums, or else they will be spoiled if they know that you will give them anything they want in the shop. if they are big enough to understand teach them how to save and budget their own finance. tell them the truth, the reason why you can,t give them anything they want just like that. there is a proverb that says, only buy what is necessary, otherwise all things go to a waste. children learn best by observing those who are closer to them. do not overspent on treats while at the same time you have already told your kids that you don,t have money for treats or else there is a fight.
2006-11-04 05:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by nyango 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The greatest gift you can give your child is your time,they learn from you, children dont remember how many playstations etc, they got when they were children but they do remember times spent with parents, days out, doing special things together, reading stories etc. it dependes on what your definition of priviledged up bringing is.
2006-11-04 04:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never forget how to say "no". When you don't say 'No' to your kids they become spoiled.
For example, my daughter is 9. She has several friends who have TVs & steros in their rooms. A few of her freinds even have cell phones. I think that this is redicilous!!!
She has asked me about getting fake nails too, other kids dont have them but she thinks they are cool. Ive told her that when she is 16 she can get a job and pay for fake nails. I will pay her cell phone bill (when she is older) if she has good grades and is a responsible teen. I feel good about all of this.
Just because you can give them what they want, dosn't mean that you should.
2006-11-04 04:49:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋