My boyfriend of 2 years says he is in no hurry to ever get married. But that was before he met me. He has mentioned a couple times that if he ever got married I would be the one he would want to marry. He sees me as marriage material. Well, I wasn't in that big of a hurry either.. a year ago. I keep hoping he pops the question soon, even if we just get engaged... that would be enough to hold me for another couple years =) I don't want to tell him I want him to propose b/c that would ruin it, ya know? I need advise on how to plant it in his head and make him think it was his idea... I've hear it's possible, ladies.. help me out! And men, offer any advise you can on this subject please. I would love to hear your side too. Thanks!!
2006-11-04 03:45:56 · 19 answers · asked by Jen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You don't need to plant anything in his head. He's already got it in his brain. What he needs is some assurance from you that you're thinking the same thing and that you'll be saying yes without hesitation. So you just need to figure out hiw to assure him that you'll be saying yes.
2006-11-04 07:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to get married, then you should bring it up. You really have to feel this out for yourself. From JUST reading what you've wrote here, I would be inclined to suggest that you NOT propose to him with a ring, but that you discuss it with him instead, because he may not be ready and that would be quite an awkward and upsetting experience if you proposed. But, if you truly feel that he's having the same thoughts, then propose to him. But...just remember, surprises are fun and everything, but there are other ways to incorporate the element of surprise into engagement without it being the ENTIRE idea of marriage. I am engaged and we talked about it first, and once we felt ready, we picked a ring out and then he kept it. He took me out on a surprise day and I never knew where we were going and then suddenly at a very special botanical garden, he proposed to me, and I was just as surprised as ever. Anyway, I would just be careful because sometimes men aren't thinking about marriage as quickly as women are and it may be a shock to him.
It's great that he says you're marriage material, but don't misconstrue that to mean that he wants to be married now or even wants to be engaged to you now. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you! He just may not be ready. Good luck!
2006-11-04 03:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him you want to be married, that will not ruin the proposal. And that is silly about the being engaged being enough to 'hold you' for a couple years. Either you marry or you don't. If you are looking for signs he is ready to commit to you alone, that means you have an unequal relationship right now and are not open with each other about your expectattions. It would be really really easy for him to please you an ask you then put it off two more years then dump you. Happens to a lot of young women, and then you have wasted almost 5 yrs with someone who never honestly wanted YOU for YOU.
But the bigger issue is you have dated him for two years and the two have you have never sat down and said flat out to each other things like this- " being married is important to me" "I want to be married to you" " I want to be married after I graduate from college and before I turn thirty" I want to be married before having children with you" " I see us owning a home together 5 years from now" " I want to be a stay at home mom when we are married" It is not a big deal he sees you as marriage material. The question is does he see you as his partner for life??? You will not know unless you start talking honestly. If he can't do that with you, he is far from being ready to be married. Starting your engagement tricking him into proposing is a very poor idea and immature emotionally. Love is a decision.
2006-11-04 04:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in this same situation. Only I told him I want to get married and now he said I did ruin it and I feel like it's never going to happen. My best suggestion would be to bring up petty details about "oh I hope my wedding dress looks like that!!" or when you see a ring you DON'T like, tell him "I want a princess cut diamond for my engagement ring." Just subtle clues. Asking him directly will make the wait that much longer.
2006-11-04 03:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by memememe!! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he hit her once, he'll do it again. And next time it may not just be a bruise. It could be broken bones. Scars. Anything. What if next time he picks up a weapon? Abusers don't change their behavior without help. With my husband I was lucky enough that it just took a family meeting. Once it was out in the open that he was hitting me when he got mad and both my family and his knew about it and he heard what they had to say about it, it changed his behavior. Generally, once its out in the open it embarresses them. They won't want it to get out that they're a woman beater. If it takes more extremes than that, they're not worth keeping around. The pain isn't worth it. Try to encourage her to take pictures and hold hard evidence of any abuse until, if she ever does, leave him incase anything legal ever comes up.
2016-03-19 03:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would maybe bring it up when talking of how ideas you've had a year ago has change on different subjects. Ask him first has any of his ways of thinking changed from the time you two met to where you are today. And go from there. I hope this helps you and good luck.
2006-11-04 04:05:56 · answer #6 · answered by sweetone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but this is pitiful, and makes me embarassed to be a woman. Either he wants to get married or he doesn't, and if you want to get married and he doesn't, that's just the way it is and maybe you should find someone who DOES want to get married OR stop trying to "plant it in his head" and just enjoy what you have the way it is. I'm sorry, but I really am disgusted when women or men try to change their partners. Either take the person as he/she is or move on.
Playing head games is not the way to a happy long-lasting stable marriage.
2006-11-04 03:55:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It depends on how old you are but usually two years in plenty long enough to know if he wants to marry you or not. I would have a serious talk with him because when guys know that you are the one then they dont wait, if they are serious guys.
2006-11-04 04:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't be offended by this, but if you're still at a stage where you're playing games with each other and can't simply sit down and talk about what you both want from this relationship, you aren't ready to get married.
2006-11-04 03:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If he hasn't asked by now, chances are he won't.
Some men are afraid of the implications of marriage.
There are those guys that believes that the vow is indeed "til death us do part" and does not want to make a promise that has a 62% failure rate.
2006-11-04 03:54:24 · answer #10 · answered by Doubting Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋