How do you get a father to do more with the baby?

Question

My husband is a wonderful husband and he made me decide to stay home with our little girl, but he has entirely too many " projects" going and I can not get any time for myself. I am even rushed in the shower with him telling me to hurry or following me around with her in his arms, he has only changed 5 diapers and she is 3 months old. I have only been away from her for a total of 4 hours and that was to get my nails done. He does not realize I need a break to do things tooo and I want him to have more of a relationship with her. Oh, he also wants another baby SOON. I told him if he helps more and he said No, you can raise it till it is 2-3 then I will help more.... I love him and our baby ---- help, what do I do... How do I make him see we/I need him more???

Answer 1

theres no way i would even consider have a 2nd child he need to grow up and he should want to have a realtionship with his daughter not you tell him he needs to thats crazy my husband was crazy about both his children son/daughter even know with them 9-7 he sends me out for mom time by myself

Answer 2

He has to see and understand the need. You are basically doing too good of a job with the baby and not good enough communicating with your husband. He simply doesn't understand. I am a father of a little one....not that little, but he used to be that little. My understanding changed when my wife got sick and I had to take over. I don't want you to get sick, but sometimes it takes something rough to get someone's attention. Try inviting him to read your question. Maybe make up another profile and ask him to answer the question. Write him love notes. Slip some details in here and there without making accusations. The quickest way to get him to quit listening is to make accusations. Just describe your day and your needs. Leave him out of it and let him see the need. Make him ask you questions. Refer to counseling. You don't have to be headed to divorce court to get counseling. In fact, the sooner the better. Get your relationship straight before it can get that crooked. In other words, don't wait for the oil light to come on before changing the oil.

Answer 3

You may not want to do my solution, but it worked. Here is the story. Had baby and decision was made for me to be a stay at home mom. Same as you. Had to do everything. Same as you. One day I was making dinner, load of clothes on, and baby needs changing. Hubby came home and sat down and said I'm not moving. I did - I picked up my purse and the car keys and left for 5 hours. When I got home, dinner was cooked, laundry done and baby was clean and asleep. I told him it took the two of us to make a baby and I was not going to do all the work myself. Never had the problem again. However, do you have the nerve to walk out and go to a movie?

Answer 4

First, dont have anymore kids. At least, not right now. It seems that he is afraid of her. Thats just a guess, of course. My brother was deathly afraid of his daughter when she was first born and also changed her very few times. He was afraid to hurt her, she was so tiny to him.
That being said, he needs to come clean as to why he is so distant from your little girl and why he refuses to help you. You need your sanity and some time to yourself every now and then. If he refuses, find a sitter or family member to give you that time. If he complains, tell him it should be him watching his own child and not someone else. You have a right to be able to have some time to yourself. There is only so much baby talk a person can take before they lose it.

Answer 5

Sounds like a really tough, tiresome situation. Hope I can help.

It sounds like your husband might be nervous about taking care of the baby. He might not know what to do with it, or even how to interact with his daughter. (Him following you around while holding the baby and saying he will get involved in the child's life when she is older are signs that he just doesn't know what he's doing now.)

I'm sure you've talked to him in passing about the idea, but have you two really had a good heart-to-heart talk? If you think that might help, I'd sit down with him when you're not distracted (maybe after baby is in bed) and let him know you support him and that you want him involved in the baby's life, and ask him if he wants to talk about it. (He may not open up now; guys need time to think about their answer and find their true feeling.)

Maybe all it will take is showing him how to hold, feed, bathe, talk to, coo at, cuddle, and care for your new baby. Maybe you could spend time around other children (like at a park, your church nursery, around the neighbor kids, etc.)

He might be dealing with feelings of abandonment from his past. He may be uneasy about caring for the new baby because he himself was mistreated as a baby. (Just an idea...)

Maybe (and I sure hope not!) you're only telling us half of the truth, and his forcing you to care for the baby is his way of abusing you. (Not too common, but does happen.) Please make sure you're in a loving, commited, not abusive relationship. It is for your and the baby's own good that you are in a safe relationship.

With that said, I would strongly caution you against having another child quite yet. He needs to take an active part in the first child's life and be able to help you before you two have a second baby. Things will only get harder, more stressful, with less time for yourself if you have two little ones and he won't help at all. Not to bribe him or hold this over his head, but you might mention that once you see him involved in your first daughter's life, then you will know that you two are ready for baby #2.

For right now (other than getting him involved in the daily tasks by showing him how) enlist the help of any family, friends, neighbors you know and trust. Family and friends love to help where they can, and maybe even just having them there to talk for the afternoon and help you watch your daughter will give you the recharging your batteries need! Stay connected with the outside world by phone and e-mail too.

Even if you can only take 15 minutes a day for yourself, it's important that you do! Even a mental break can be helpful.

I wish you the very best of luck, and hope that things improve. If you need further help, consider reading books on the subject or talk to a counselor or family therapist about this. Sometimes an outside source can give the help you need. Take care!! :)

Answer 6

If he wants another baby, I think its time to sit down and put all the cards out on the table.. A marriage is a partnership for EVERYTHING, including parenting. I am a SAHM to 6 kids and there is NO way I could do everything alone. My dh had originally wanted 6 kids right after we had our 1st, we sat down and discussed what needed to be done and got on the same sheet of music. And if he cant agree to parent his child, then another one is a BAD idea and should be VETO'd

Answer 7

Are you by passing the problem?

He sounds like he's affraid!! Don't punish him for that.
If he doesn't want to slow down on all his projects, give him time, tell the baby is a bit older. Right now, it sounds like he's in fear of hurting a little baby!!

Hirre a babysitter when you need time for yourself. If u can afford to get your nails done, you can afford a few hours of relaxation.
Until he started spending more time with the baby, I surely wouldn't be jumping in bed to be making another one any time soon.

Answer 8

ok, news flash... your husband is being unhelpful, disrespectful and ignorant. it takes 2 to make a baby and he should be helping out more. i am willing to guess that you have not really pushed the issue with him too much for fear of aggravating him. why should he be the lucky one? let him know exactly how you feel and you shouldn't care whether or not he may get upset at you for bringing it up, which by the way is only because he knows you are right... he doesn't seem to care how you feel right? be blunt, direct and stern with him.... SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE!

Answer 9

He's a wonderful man but he MADE you DECIDE to stay home with the kids.? That does not sound very wonderful to me.

If he does not know what he is not doing is bothering you then I really dought he will all of sudden start helping. Not a bad thing but that is really not a guy thing to just start helping with the kids and things.

Answer 10

hello,
well i had the same problem.....i had to stand up to him and tell him they didn't come with a book for me ......and that i needed more time to my self.....so what i would do is leave the baby with him for at least 5 hours at a time 2-3 times a week....i would go to my sisters and not answer the phone.....or take my cell with me so that away i could get a break.....and there is no way i would let him have another baby.....not untill he has more to do with the new one....that would be no fare to you to be tied down with 2 babys and him do what ever he wanted.....you need to let him know that you need an break and he needs to do more with her......by the way he helped maker to and he needs the responsibilty to not just financialy but mentaly for the babys development....i know it gets tiring but thats why me and my daughters father isn't together i seen i could take care of her by myself with out his help and i left.....because its just not him there for her but also to help you too....

Answer 11

I think you must see the positive thing of your husband. Actually almost male has never been taught about baby care, but if he try to change diapers, I think he care to his baby. He works hard to earn money for family. Do you think that's not enough for you? He care about you and family but in his way. How can he loose his job to care his children. It's not responsible way to do as husband to let his family suffered because of no job.

Believe me, he is good husband for you and he care to you and your baby.