My brother is being released from prison. Is he nothing but an ex-con low-life?

Question

My younger brother (early 20s) is being released from prison after 2 years. He will be staying with me until he gets back on his feet.

He seems to have grown up during his time inside, and appears to want to be a different person to what he was. I believe that he should be given the opportunity to show that he is not the person that he used to be, while others seem to think that ex-cons are nothing but a lower life form that do not deserve to be given the time of day.

What do you think?

Answer 1

He is not an ex con low life; he deserves your loving support and help as he guides himself back into regular life.

The one thing that REALLY bothers me about society and the way they think about people coming out of prison is that they don't want them resuming a life of crime, but yet they make it as difficult as possible. What do people expect when ex felons are treated like scum by people who think they are "better?"

Just be a good brother to him, set limits and consequences (as if he was a teenager) and expect him to follow through. Be positive, don't expect him to mess up because your expectations of how he will do will be a key determinant. I teach high school kids, and I have found that if you expect high achievement out of everyone, you get higher achievement than if you expect some to faiMF The same goes for behavior.

Answer 2

My husband has been in federal prison for 26 years. Yes, there's a lot of prejudice out there, and I'm personally amazed to see all the good people writing in to you about this. Usually there is negative response to questions like this, per your "lower life form" remark. THAT is what I'm used to.

No one will ever be the same after going to prison. For the third-generation gang-bangers, it's a way of life, and they aren't going to change. Prison doesn't rehabilitate, it simple warehouses people. However, smart people quickly learn that it hell on earth, and they never, ever want to go there again. They have an appreciate for freedom, and for choices, that most people never learn.

In the prison world, two years is nothing, but to your brother, it was the longest two years of his life. Like war veterans, he has seen things he will never want to talk about. He won't be able to sleep at night, and he won't trust people right away, because he has seen the worst. So try to look beyond his actions you may not understand, work with him and be patient. Also be patient when people are nasty about his convict status. The general public has no idea what prison is really like, and what it took for your brother to survive those two years. Turn the other cheek when people make stupid remarks, for his sake.

The term "scared straight" often applies to these younger guys, and I hope your brother was one of the smart ones.

Good luck to him, you and your family.

Answer 3

I think if he is mature enough, then he should start looking for
work and or school right away. This way he is not out and doing
nothing. They get bored and start going back to their old routine.
My sister was in prison for two whole years and she did not go
back to old ways. She started a college for dental assistant and
is also working full time. She has been drug clean for 7 years,
and were so proud of her. She also graduated from college and
received a certificate of completion. So now she has two jobs
one as a manager at longs drug store and a dental assistant
at a dental office in Bentwood. So anyone can do it if they put t their mind in the right place. So give your brother a pat on
his back when he has accomplished his goal. Good Luck to
your brother and yourself for helping him out. He will be needing
the help to get him started. Once back on his feet then he can be
on his own. And hopefully he finds someone to share his love
life while he is at home kicking back, when not at work. Your
a brother, but he can have a girl companion for a good conversation. Instead of just guy talk.

Answer 4

It only matters what you think. Do you believe that your bro. deserves another chance? People can and do change. Some want to badly but do not have the strength to resist temptations that drag them down. Others change so completely that you dont recognize them for who they were. But one thing for sure, they all need support and help. Tell your bro. that you love and care for him and want to see him become the person that you know he is hiding from. Offer your support and help him however he needs. But also lay the ground rules. Let him know what you will and will not tolerate. Express these guidelines strongly and tell him that there will be no exceptions. And that you set these rules not only for his protection but yours also. Stand by them strongly, but keep in mind that sometimes how ever hard we try to change it is hard to live a new life. And chances are he will sway and faulter occasionally. Be sympathetic but not a sucker. Trust him until he shows that you cant. Encourage him, ask him how he is progressing. Get him to talk about things that may try to control him. Remember, people can, and do change. If they want to, and have good reason to. Be his reason.

Answer 5

Sometimes people do things stupidly. Hopefully your brother learned from his mistake. You have to follow your heart and do what you think is best for yourself and your family. I would let my brother come live with me too after prison. He would have to follow the law and do better for himself and prove that he deserves the respect and chance that I am giving him. I would lay down some basic rules and tell him that he is being treated like a teenager again because he did screw up the first time.

I wish you the best of luck with your brother and hope that he truly is rehabilitated.

Answer 6

First and foremost he is your Brother and nothing can change that and the fact that you are letting him stay with you means that you care for him and what happens to him. If he isn't on parole and don't have to report any where, then you won't have to worry that he will be visited by a parole officer. If he is truly reformed and tries to find a job (Not an easy task) then he deserves your support no matter what other people think, HE HAS PAID his debt to society.

Answer 7

I think that it won't take long for you to find out if he has truly changed in prison. I say this from experiences with members of my family, including my own kids. I have noticed that people always say they changed in prison. If they start being accountable for their own actions, start doing constructive things like get a job and participate in programs like AA, NA or church, get new friends, and demonstrate a change in attitude then they most likely have changed. If on the other hand they are still playing the blame game, hanging out with their old and toxic friends, and doing the same old things, and having the same negative attitude, saying one has changed is merely lip service. Change comes from within. Nothing changes when nothing changes.

Answer 8

By the way you are phrasing this question it almost seems like someone specific is making this claim against your brother and you are looking for confirmation or someone to give you a rebuttal to the claim.

Are these 'other people' that you are referring to family members?

Is having him living with you going to negatively impact your relationship with family members?

Is his living with you going to affect your job security?

I am not asking you to answer these questions for me but to consider them for yourself.

If you can say 'no' to all of these questions, then by all means, take him in if that is what you want. If you have to say yes to any of these questions then perhaps you need to consider alternative living arrangements. He may have done a dumb thing to land in prison but I doubt he is stupid and he would understand.

Something else to take into consideration is the type of relationship the two of you had prior to his going to prison. Did he have respect for you as an individual prior to going to prison? Were you the more dominant personality in your relationship or the more submisive one? He may have changed as you mentioned but people have a way of reverting back to old habits when not forced to behave in a certain way as he would have been while living in prison.

Depending on the type of crime he committed, you will know soon after his release whether or not he learned his lesson. If it was a crime where being influenced by other people may have played a part and he attempts to renew relationships with former friends then it will be a problem.

He is your brother and what you owe him as a sibling is to be there for him emotionally as long as he is there for himself. You do not owe him risking your own way of life to give him that 'second chance'. If you have your own family now, husband/wife, children you owe them protection from harm that bringing him into the household may produce.

It is your choice but you can not be all things to all people.

Your brother is a big boy now and if he has changed he will definitely understand that living under your roof may bring hardships upon you. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't want to do that to a sibling.

Answer 9

For two years? That doesn't hardly constitute being a low-life, maybe misdirected or stupid. I believe in a second chance, but only one of them. Make sure you type up and have him sign some sort of contract outlining his responsibilities. Give him a week or two to get realigned with society. The second he sees any weakness on your part pertianing to the contract you will get walked on. Be a brother to him but make sure he gets some tough love. Oh, don't allow anything that resembles what he did to get locked up to happen at all, if it does put him on his rear. Its not worth what you have in your home (family or kids, maybe your reputation) to put up with any crap. Be fair but firm. Good Luck

Answer 10

If he's being released, he must have paid his debt to society and should now be given a chance to rejoin the mainstream. You didn't indicate why he was sentenced but being he served two years, it had to have been a felony. He should try to have his rights restored and resume an honest life.