Crazy Sister In-Law!!?

Question

My sister in-law is a pathological liar, manipulator, and borderline personality disorder. When she's having a good day...she's a wonderful person, but when she's having a bad day...it's AWFUL!! She puts her kids through hell as well as the rest of her family. Her daughter is 14 and very defensive of her mom, she thinks her mom is just fine and that everyone is just mean to her. Should I try to talk to her about her mom or just leave it alone and let her realize it on her own? I just worry about their well being and that it will be too late.

as for some of your responses..yes it does involve me part of the time, when she brings me into it. She's constantly trying to cause problems in my life and home. She abuses her meds, I have witnessed it. I had to pick up her kids at the police station an hour away this evening becuz she was driving under suspension and intoxicated.

thank you(most of you) for your nice advice...I will take it all in and think over how I should handle it..as for my niece..i will let her be and just remind her that im always here.

Answer 1

It does sound as though your SIL has some mental issues going on and they are very serious. Because you are family, you do have certain rights and responsibilities in regards to her children.
I don't know what country you are in, but your SIL is definately is not capable or fit to be parenting at this time. The children may need to be in care of some family members or a Foster situation. Depends on the laws of your country.
I know it's very sad and hard to do but try talking to a social worker connected with the Mental Health team associated with the person treating her. This is serious and warrants immediate attention.
Because you are the SIL as well, of course you are emmotionally involved.
If I could make one statement, please don't make statements that she is "crazy" rather she is mentally disturbed.
I know you didn't mean any harm with this comment.
I have had to deal with family problems with mental issues and it can be very frustrating and draining.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Well it only further proves that you can pick your fiends but you can't pick your relatives ,,,, I think that involving yourself in this situation would only open you up to criticism that you wouldn't appreciate ,,,, So you don't want to go there ,,,, If your in-law is like what you've described then this will be recognized by others sooner or later including the 14 year old ,,,, If the daughter and your in-law have a close relationship then don't try to interfere with that ,,,,The daughter would just go back to her mother and tell her that Aunt so and so said this or she said that and then there would be fire works ,,,,The daughter wouldn't be able to do anything about it in the first place so it would be wasted effort to try to talk to her about anything ,,,, It would only be opening up a can of worms and you don't want to go there either ,,,, This is your brothers wife and family not yours ,,,, Jump in where you shouldn't and it might make you look like a busy body with nothing else to do ,,,, If your brother takes no exception to her behavior or even if he does,,,,, then far be it for you meddle ,,,,Getting involved the way you are obviously thinking about doing would have absolutely no profit in it for you but instead put you in a bad light weather you are right or wrong ,,,, with not only your brother but maybe other family members too ,,,, Leave it lay ,,,,, It will festor all by it's self ,,,, But then again I might be all wet ,,,, You didn't mention one way or another in your statement what your back ground is or weather you have a degree in the areas of psychology or psychiatry and qualified to make these observations and diagnose her behavior,,,, But no matter ,,,, The only thing you can do is know her for what she is and be careful around her so that you don't make her your enemy ,,,, It's all too often that interference ,,,,, no matter how well intended ,,,,will usually back fire and you are made to look like the villan ,,,, A full pot will sometimes boil over and make a mess ,,,, so just sit back and watch what happens and when this mess comes ,,,,At least you won't be implicated in it ,,,,I think that you should be prepaird to offer support to the children if it comes down to that and hold back any criticisms you might feel ,,,, just be there in supportive capacity only and help do what needs to be done ,,,, but have them seek your help ,,,,, What ever you do ,,,, consider this situation from all angles before you make a move and be prepaired to live with the consequences should that move be the wrong one ,,,,, Hoped this helped ,,,,, Yoda told you this

Answer 3

No one has the power to put any one through any thing. Stop being so judgmental, step back and see all sides of the situation. Sound like she is hurting and needs some kindness and understand. Never get between a mother and her children you will always lose. There may be issues you do not know about usually there is more to a family problem than meet the eye

Answer 4

These kind of family conflicts are not uncommon. Some people are so caught up in their own view of what the world and everyone in it should be. What our job in the world is to do, is to keep doing what's right. I know, I know it seems unfair because what you want to do is something that will show immediate effect. But in reality, alot of times when you try to do something about it, it gets worse. It's called, Good Intentions Lead to Bad Decisions - believe me, I live by that myself. So if you just keep doing what is right, (on your part, not your sis-in-law), then good things will amount to it. Some people never change, but don't let it rent your space. =) God Bless

Answer 5

If your sister-in-law has raised her daughter all 14 years of her life with little to no help or has been her primary care giver, doing or saying anything against her (your sister-in-law) is just going to make your niece angry and resentful and possibly discourage her from coming to you. It's tough, I know, but the best thing would probably be to make sure the daughter knows you're there if she needs you and to keep an eye on her.

Answer 6

I was diagnosed with bi polar and it sounds like you described me about 16 yrs. ago. The diagnosis was WRONG. Maybe you could get your sister in law help of a different kind. If she feels like you are judging her then she will be resistant to any help you may want to offer her. I found this program just about 2 yrs ago. It has helped me so much if I would have known about this program when it first started (approx.13 yrs ago) It would have saved me so much pain and heartache. It is worth every penny. They even take payments. You could most likely use it as well. Plus the program is easier if you are doing it with someone. I have been threw the program 2 times now. I have referred it to some of my old councilors for them to use themselves. The program is called
ATTACKING ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION
customer service 1-800-944-9460
customer Information 1-800-944-9428
Phone support 1-800-515-1133
http:\\www.stresscenter.com

Answer 7

If your sister-in-law has a borderline personality disorder, it is because of her diet. She needs something to help her maintain her mental state of being. If you love her (and you should) try to help her.
There are others suggesting stay out of it, that is not a good suggestion. There are things you can do to help. Do some research on herbals or supplements for brain disorders such as Omega 3. Ask her daughter about it and if she will help in the research. Also, please try to change your opinion of her, she needs help, not name calling. You could also ask her to help on the research when she is having a good day. You could also ask her husband to think about helping. It takes love to start a cure. Keep that in mind.

Answer 8

Honey, stay out of OPP. Unless it is affecting you and yours, leave it alone. Daughter will have to grow up and learn things on her own. All you can do is be supportive, as an aunt, and be there for her when the crying game starts. I know that it hurts to see trauma and drama going on among family members all of the time, but most of the time you have to remember.....it's not your soap opera....it's theirs. Let them have their "Days of Thunder". Chances are that is what it is all about in the first place. Just be a peaceful observer, and not a bit character in the saga, and you won't see yourself in episodes 8,9,11, 14 and about to be written out of episode 17, if ya know what I mean.

Answer 9

Just leave it alone.

It totally does the daughter credit that she is defending her mom--no matter how crazy that mom is! And if what you are saying is true, you should not try to make the daughter choose sides. Instead make sure she knows that you are someone she can trust and turn to if she needs to, and leave it at that.

Answer 10

She prolly does realize deep down her mom is the way she is. She lives with her after all. She might just feel defensive because she wishes people would be more sympathetic to her mother's illness, which is very serious and debilitating. She might also feel that because people judge her mother they might also somehow be judging her as well.