what do you think i should do?

Question

i have some issues cos i was abused by two of my previous boyfriends. with my bf now i find myself holding back for no reason, sometimes unable to speak. not often but sometimes. things have actually got worse since i started councelling, before i was aware of what had happened but i couldn't completely remember. now the councellor is retracing what happened. i feel weaker and less able to cope with it, i dont wanna be a victim and this is how it makes me feel. i'd rather put the past in the past and move on. i think my relationship is worse for looking back all the time. but we are always told 'gotta look back to move forward' do you think this is true?

Answer 1

I know this is hard to deal with and seems overwhelming right now, but looking back and what happened will give you the skills and the strength you need to make sure that the past never repeats itself. When it comes to working through the pain of abuse, the only way to complete healing is through the pain, not around it.

You don't have to worry about being a victim because you're not. You are obviously very brave and very smart, and this difficult time will not last forever. Hang in there!

Answer 2

Sounds like you could use some professional counseling. Don't give me that look;) There is no reason not to ask for help if there is something that can be done that can change the rest of your life for the better. The fact that you had two boyfriends in the past were that abusive was a horrible thing. And yes, I am a firm believer that you have to look back to more forward and that you have to know where you have been to know where you are going & you have to know your mistakes from the past so you are not condemned to repeat them. Confronting the past and learning from it will more than likely make your current relationship much better. Please, consider getting help, it can really change your life. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Not necessarily "looking back" interms of reliving the past. Instead what you need is time to understand why you went through what you did and what impact did it have on your self perception. Sometimes we subconsciously seek out certain situations or relationships if we have a pattern of abuse. Its never your fault though.
Honestly I hate to say it, but you arent truly ready for the next relationship until youve cleared away all the "excess baggage". Otherwise, the next person has to pay for their mistakes. And you want to be Whole when entering a relationship, and not just a Product of past abuse. Im sure that your new person wants to be with you WHOLE and WELL, and you cant give what you dont have. Take some time to process and accept your past, become comfortable with it, realize that your PAST isnt you and doesnt determine your future realtions. Then when you are comfortable with everything, you are ready to move on and share your well-being with a partner. And whoever is willing to wait for you is worth it!

Answer 4

You should stand up on your feet, and stop being abused.
You should kick in the a s s anyone who tries to abuse you.
Help will only come from yourself.
Keep talking to this councellor, no harm, but all you will get is an ear to listen, and someone who will stirr your past, and you dont need this.
Forget, move forward, and be prepared from now on to kick a s s. Stand up !

Answer 5

Well I think you do need to deal with the past..but that can mean many things,,,you can just try to figure out what ,why,and how these things happened to you...or you can just relize that you cant go back in time and you will never be happy until you move on...we do have ways of sabataging ourselves...I had a bad relationship and it was very hard but my b/f now i have to give the benifit of the dout..or i will ruin it w/ my horrible thought of the past...I just try my hardest to kick them out as soon as they enter my mind..sometimes its hard and others its easy...goodluck!!

Answer 6

Listen, we are all different and if you are feeling worse, don't keep doing it. I never have believed dwelling on the past helps anything. Talking to anyone that is a good friend does the same thing. If you are on antidepressents ask to stay on them or have them changed if they aren't making you feel better. Then get away from this councelor. Maybe another one would be better, maybe not! Your M.D. can give you antidepressents if that's all you need or just get over it and try to appreciate what you have and let him know you love him and ask him to be patient. If he loves you he will do that for you and you will be fine.
The past is the past and nothing can change it, you can change the future and sounds like you are on your way. Maybe you needed to know that. Right? Good luck.

Answer 7

i just got out of that type of relationship. the last thing i want to do is look back at all of it. before that relationship i was a strong person. now i feel so much less. and when i look back on it i feel even worse. to be honest i try not to look back. i know one day i will have to deal with it, but not now. right now i have to find me again. i know I'm in there i just have to stop being afraid and be me again. that's what you have to do. you can email me if you want to talk. i have found that talking with someone that's been there is the best. not some counseler.

Answer 8

no. on a car the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield.its only there for a glimps so that u can make a safe decision.keep looking out the windshield .if you look to long in the rearview mirror you will cause more wreckage for your self. u may email me [e-mail]

Answer 9

Take a breather from the current boyfriend. Tell him that you are seeing a counselor and that YOU need to take care of yourself right now. Tell him you love him and promise to return. If he REALLY loves you he will be ok with that--if not, no great loss.

If this is the information that you need, please rate it. Thank you.

Answer 10

I think you have to deal with something before you move on. It won't work to just push it back. At least it doesn't for me cause it will always pop back up again.