My father sexually abused my, My family did nothing?

Question

My father sexually abused for eight years, I called out for help and they didn't believe me because I was young. As I got older they started to believe me, but did nothing. I failed at school, and had no self esteem, I couldn't tell my brother about this and even though it was weird I begged my siblings to sleep with them in their beds. My Dad found out about this and screamed at me to sleep in my own bed, and when I would lock my door, he said it was a fire hazard, but he just wanted to molest me. This doesn't affect the way I raise my children, but this does affect me a lot. I lost my childhood and I matured at a young age. My mother turned the other way while this was going on, just because she wanted to live a good life. I didn't say anything for 5 years for my family, If my Dad got arressted my mom who is old would have to get a job and we would move back to Spain, I did this for my siblings, Is there anyone I can talk to about this?

I recently told my brother about this to warn him if he ever has kids, and he seemed like he was the only one who cared. My brother told my dad that he knew about this and my dad got mad at me that I told him, It happened to me and I deserve to tell anyone I want to.

I don't trust men, except for my husband and my brothers.

where do I get help?

I can't call the plice, I don't want him in jail, I don't want anything to do with him. I moved out of the house at 17

Answer 1

well it happend to me too, not by my dad but by my uncle i was 4 when it started and 13 when it ended. it hurts and you feel robbed of your childhood i still get flashbacks of what happend it hurts but i take it day by day and so should you. keep a journal with you or take up boxing to relieve anger because i had/have alot of it. my aunt did the same thing and she stayed with him even though she knew what he was doing she endangered her oen kids dont see your father anymore because it will only hurt you counseling isnt enough, but be strong for your children and most importantly yourself dont let your father dominate you by stopping you. when you speak out about what happend YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM ANYMORE HE WILL BE BECAUSE EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT HIM!!!
-kat

ps you can talk to me anytime or e mail me at my email adress [e-mail]

Answer 2

Thank you for being so brave to share your story. I want to commend you for focusing on being a good parent. No child should have to suffer the way you had or make a decision to protect your family you truly are a brave person. You definitely should get individual counseling and continue being such a great parent to your children and not repeating the same mistakes your father did. Even though the scar may not ever go away you can still live a productive life

Answer 3

This is a very sad but common situation. I have been through this very same thing with my daughter and as of yet she still has not disclosed who has done this to her. I have had her in all kinds of therapy sessions, but nothing...She is now 11, well I found out when she was 8 so no telling how long it really went on... I found out when her doctor called me and told me my daughter had gonorrhea. I have blamed myself because i didn't see any signs and she always talked to me about things but apparently not this...I used to cry daily because I didn't know who or how long my baby suffered. Until she finds the strength to open up I will never know. I try to encourage her. I don't talk about this situation. But I let her know her beauty not just the outward. Letting her know no matter what she is special and worthy and should be treated as such.
I am so so so sorry you were alone for so long.
I talked with a therapist up until last year because it messed me up so bad. It helped me with my anger and disappointment that I had with myself.
I will tell you want helped me more than anything. And that was turning to GOD...Staying in prayer...

Answer 4

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's a shame that you had to take the fall for your family and today you are the only one burdened with it. I would suggest that you call the police and let your siblings take care of your mom IF your dad ends up in jail..He repeatedly molested you and there is no justification for that. He deserves to face the music for his sick actions.

But honestly, you do need to seek professional counseling. It will bring things out in you that you have bottled up for so long, and believe me, that will only be the beginning of years of healing for you. God bless!.

Answer 5

four: First; get yourself a competent Counsellor to deal with the various "shame" issues you have from the abuse. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT !!! Parents are the sole protectors and providers for their children and when they fail in that area children suffer as a result. I know the tendency is for the family to protect the perpetrator [ abuser] and blame the victim for up-setting the proverbial "apple cart". Sexual abuse is devastating to a child, as you know. Call the police in on this, as there is no statute of limitations for this crime. Do NOT let your dad away with this because he will abuse, sexually, his grand kids [ girls] . The adults have to be the ones to protect the children, as they [children] can't protect themselves ! Sexual abuse is akin to "soul murder" and destroys a child's quality of life, day by day !
Once you are in counselling "four", you will begin to get the weight off your back you are carrying around with you everyday. Do it for YOUR children and husband so YOU can become the best mother and wife to your family. GOOD LUCK TO YOU !!!

P.S. You are keeping your children away from "dad" I hope !!!

Answer 6

Honey I am so sorry for all that you have been through and for trying to keep piece for the family, but I think you should find out if anyone else was being abused also. I think that counseling is in order now, and you should report him. He might try it with someone else you love. You are a very strong person but shouldn't have to carry the burden alone. I will pray that the Lord will give you the inner piece you so richly deserve. Hugs to you and your husband and children . may they be Blessed also. I know the Lord will give you the comfort that i asked for you. God Be with You forever.

Answer 7

I would try to get some counseling.
Unfortunately, there is a statute of limitations on reporting abuse. If you are an adult, the authorities probably can't do anything criminally to him. You can always sue him...I think this is a civil case. But I would definitely try to get counseling. I know what sexual abuse can do to young people as I used to counsel adolescent girls that had been abused. Get counseling, step away from your family and heal yourself, and then decide what you want to do legally. I would, however, keep him away from his grandchildren. Molesters rarely stop.

Answer 8

Any good therapist will help you deal with the emotional after effects of abuse. Your mom would not have been sent back to spain with several children here. That was a lie. I would tell the police now and just send this guy where he belongs. I would burn his life to the ground.

Answer 9

You need to get professional counseling. My heart breaks for you. Your mother should have protected you. No child should have to go through this. You say you don't want your dad in jail, but you must consider this, he might do it to some other child if he is not locked up.

Answer 10

you can talk to anyone but be sure that you trust them. there are a lot of cases just like yours but so many of them have not come out. you can help them if you would like and find that you are able. as for your family not doing a thing about especially your mother i think that maybe it was denial and if they accepted it then it would ruin their world not because of you but because they didnt see it coming. i am glad that your brother listened though. as for your dad it is you that makes the choice in your relationship with him now. and if you feel that you dont need to talk with or associate with him in any way because he makes you feel uncomfortable which i completelly understand then dont dont talk to him. what he did was wrong and as much as i believe he should be punished for it, its up to you now.