i need a polite way to dodge a touchy subject..?

Question

ok so heres the thing, I am 22 and married almost two years and when i meet new people at work or where ever the first thing they ask is am i married and when i say yes they want to know if i have kids, when i say no they want to know why not.
for me it is a very complicated thing for many reasons my mother has bi-polar disorder and so do a lot of women in my family this has caused a lot of problems for them and their ability to raise children.
i am very afraid to be a mother i am afraid that i will act the same as they all did. but that is not something i can explain to a person i just meet even my closest friends don't understand where i am comming from.
so how do i politely answer this question it upsets me everytime

Answer 1

I have a good friend who has also been married for 2 years. Her and her husband do not have kids and she does not feel the need to explain why. You don't have to give an explanation because no one is owed one. Why you don't have children is between you and your hubby. The next time someone asks why you don't have kids, tell them that you are waiting, or that you aren't ready and switch the subject.

Answer 2

First of all, you never have to tell anyone any more than you want them to know... always use short answer for stranger. Be friendly and smile a lot.....

Secondly, if you answer a question with a question, it will cause the person asking to find an answer and usually changes the subject.

Example: Do you have children? Not yet, how about you? (now they have to scramble to answer!!)

Just a thought, there is no guarantee that you are bi polar or that you wouldn't make a great mother.... don't live your life in fear.... that might cheat you out of your greatest blessing.. your own kids. Ask a Doctor or professional for their opinion.

Be Blessed!

Answer 3

Tell them that is a personal question and the simple answer is when my husband and I are ready to have a baby we will make the announcement to the whole office. Until then keep wondering. I hate it when people get so personal with you when they just first meet you. Sometimes even your closest friends don't know thing for a long time because you choose to share things when your ready to. Good luck to you. You know you don't owe anyone a reason for anything personal. You could always say NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Answer 4

The answers given previously are good ones for your closest friends (but how close can they be if they insist on harping on a subject which you have already made clear is not one you choose to discuss??); as for perfect strangers who want to know why you don't have children, ask them why in the world they would ask such a personal question.....Dear Abby would say the same......your decision to have children or not is not for anyone but yourself and your husband to decide, however, have you considered consulting with a therapist to try to resolve your fears about your ability to cope with childrearing? Still and all, that is a big decision and you need not let outsiders influence you in one way or the other. Blessings be to both of you, and whatever is meant to be is what will be.

Answer 5

I used to ge tthat a lot too. I would tell people that "we just aren't ready yet, perhaps in a few years after we are settled we'll start trying" or something to that effect.

It's tough because for some reason many people still believe that the second you get married you should start popping out babies and when you don't that something must be wrong with you. Don't take it to heart, many of us just want to experience a little more of life with our husbands before having children and quite frankly there is nothing wrong with that.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Not all married people have or want children. It is a choice and it is between you and your husband. Answer the question with a question. I would ask them a question like "Are you willing to gain the weight for me or come over for the 2 am feedings?" Then continue to tell them you like being a couple of "DINKS"...double income no kids ;^>
I wouldn't take those people serious, it is like the weather, a general question to get you involved in a conversation, and some people don't know where the etiquette line is.

Answer 7

Honey bun don't allow people to get under your skin. The best way to answer that question is to explain when it's time for me to become a parent(or mother) it will happen. Your not rushing or delaying the process but allowing it to happen naturally. If you encounter any religious people just say the Lord has not blessed me as of yet with children. He will do so when the time is right. If people are not satisfied with that response who cares. You don't need to explain your reason to everyone you meet.

Answer 8

That would surely suck. Just like the lady said above, just give them some BS answer, they'll probably be satisfied. Don't give up. Can't you regulate being Bi-polar w/ meds? I know that wasn't your question, but I hate to see someone put something so special like having kids, out of the question. I'm not bi-polar but my grandmother & sis-in-law are. Sorry, i'm sure you didn't want to hear this I just cant imangine going though my whole life w/ no kids.

Answer 9

You can sweetly say; We aren't ready yet.
Your "friends" understand, the new people are just trying to make conversation, most of the time.
You can talk to your doctor. There are medications for bipolar disorder.You know what is best for you.

Answer 10

It's none of their business. Just say "We are not ready for children yet," or "We'd like to enjoy our time together first for a few years" or something like that. You don't need to get into the rest; it doesn't concern these people.