Would you look down on a...?

Question

woman who had a baby at 19, but was married? would you still see her as a "teen mom"?

Thanks for your answers. My husband and I are now 21 and 22, and LOVE being parents, and are considering trying for baby #2 soon. Unfortunately, not all people are as kind about it as some of you. The people who KNOW us think we are doing great. But situations like the other day annoy me. My mother introduced me to a coworker, and she wrinkled her nose as she looked from me to my daughter, and asked "what GRADE of highschool are you in this year?" ugh.

Answer 1

I try not to look down on any woman who has a baby based on her age, its all about how well she treats the baby. As for a teen mom, I wouldn't see her that way personally.

Answer 2

I got married at 20 and we had our first by the time I turned 22. People are always really skeptical and tacky about asking if I had her out of wedlock.

I think it is sad and rude the way people assume the worst senario.

I try not to be offended and, instead, feel sorry for their pessimistic outlook. Besides, even if I had been an young, unmarried mother, they would still be worse off because they can't see the beauty in childbearing -- no matter what the mother's situation.

Good luck with #2, I can't wait to have another baby! It is such a wonderful experience!

Answer 3

Back in the day, before women had real choice with thier lives, it was common for women to have babies young. Then with the revolution in womens rights there was a big movement for later marriages and babies, and more emphasis on careers for women. I feel that now there is this stigma against women who have children young, like society has gone to another extreme. Like a successful woman is one in a suit and not one with a baby strapped to her hip.

It is unfortunate that there are many teen moms who are not ready to be parents in either a financial or emotional sense but there are younger moms out there that are more mature in these areas than others and are more than capable of raising a healthy child.

I am a young mom, having had my son at the age of 20. He wasnt planned but I am so happy he happened. My husband and I were planning on getting married but when I found out I was preggie, we jumped the gun and did the next month. We are expecting our second child next April are so excited. We love being parents. My husband and I met 3 years before the baby, lived together and learned how to have a successful relationship with eachother. We work very hard at being good parents and good partners to eachother. What shame is there in that?! I know many other moms my age in the same situation who are great parents.

That is a big difference between a struggling teen mom and a young mom who made a well thought through desicion. I have had to deal with that stigmatism in the past, not as much now, but who cares?! I might look down on a mom who is not ready to be a parent and treats thier child poorly but that isnt really an age thing at all.

It is nice to be well established, have a house and all that stuff but it certinaly isnt the most important when it comes to raising kids, at least not for me. Younger parents get there soon enough. We'd probably be well off, but I chose to be a stay at home mom for my preschoolers. When the time comes, I will go to post secondary and get a career. Rather, than getting my career, having kids, taking time off and then having to re-train or something.

It probably isnt wise for anyone to judge a situation based on appearances and if they do, it is thier problem. There are many younger families that do well.

Answer 4

No-one really has the right to judge or look down on others but unfortunately so many of us do!!

Whether married or not a 19 year old is not a teen mum in my opinion.

And secondly, so long as the baby has been loved and looked after and raised responsibly then you should not ever worry about what other people say.

LOL and as for your mum's co-worker, who does she think she is????? I hope she is just a co-worker and not a friend of your mum's because she doesn't sound like a very pleasant person.

For your sake I hope you haven't had to put up with too many people like her and if you get any more comments like that, take it as a compliment that you look young for your age.

You could also think up a couple of polite retorts to these type of comments, lol - just look them straight in the face and say "what a rude comment to make" or "what a strange thing to ask a person you don't know" :-) ... hopefully it might make them feel as uncomfortable as their comment has made you feel.

Take care :-) and don't let these sort of people get you down.

Answer 5

No, she is a woman and deserves the same respect as any other mother at any other age range. Congratulations to the 19 y/o mother. That is the healthiest time in a woman's life to have a baby. Age is just a number and should not control or overly dominate the birthing process!

Answer 6

I personally wouldn't look down on a woman at 19 becoming a mother. I think by that age you are mature enough to make the choices best for you...it's just like making any other serious decision (i.e. going to college, going straight to the workforce, etc.). Some people choose to have children early so they can enjoy their grand kids, enjoy retirement early, etc. I wouldn't see her as a teen mom, I believe the teens should end at 18, when you are responsible for yourself. "Teen" has such an awful, immature connotation with it. It all depends on your maturity and responsibilty as well.

Answer 7

She is a women, married, why would it be a problem...you could consider her a teen mom, but sounds like she is more responsible then some of the other moms out there who are in their 30's..

Answer 8

Nope not at all. I got married in high school at the age of 18. I am 21 and now havong my 1st baby. You are married what is the problem? Absolutely nothing! Congratulations!!

Answer 9

No. I'm getting married next December ... I'll be 21. We want to start actively trying for a baby a few months before that.

Answer 10

I was a single mom and I had a lot of people look down on me especialy when the "father" left. Everyone has their own issues to deal with and thats not our problem. Feel sorry for them, not for us we are the lucky ones. My son is now 7 and I am married with #2 on the way. But for years I was looked on in a negative way, some people are crule. Just try to love them and forgive them. God bless and good luck with the second one.