My son throws a fit everytime....(Parents only please)?

Question

My son HATES goin to his dads house every other weekend. My son is 6 and has been going there since he was a baby. His step mom is super nice to him, and he loves playing with his step brother and sister. I speak nothing but praise of them here at home, yet he just hates going and throws a tantrum when they pick him up. They're refusing to take him this weekend cause of this and i'm to the end of my rope on what to do.
I've taken stuff away from him, grownded him for it, talked to him asking why he hates it so much. He dosen't have a real reason. I don't want to bribe him and them refusing to take him is letting him get his way. We've sat down and talked about it, yet still have no answers. If any of you have dealt with this, please give me your input, I feel like i'm failing as his mom.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are a great mom, why would you feel you are failing as a mom? Maybe it hurts him to see his dad with "another women" he wants his dad and mom to be together. Do you have a boyfriend or husband? Or maybe there is something going on that no one knows about. Maybe his dad yells at him a lot or is just not a good dad to him. I am happy to know that you are not keeping your son from his father, I think a lot of moms use kids as a weapon in divorce and I hate them for that. But your son is 6, he knows what he wants. I would say if your ex does not want to see his son just because he crys it goes to show that he can't take the pressures of being a good parent and maybe he does tend to yell at him more over stupid stuff. I would not want to be around someone like that, would you? Talk to your son more and don't make him go. He will come around on his own. Let him get out of it one week, but also let him know that the next time its his dads week he will have to go. Then when the time comes act like normal and if he again does not want to go, don't push him. You can try to talk him into it but don't push. I think over time he will rather come around and go, or he will open up to whats going on and why he does not like going. But make sure his dad still calls him and maybe stops by some just to say hello. Ask his dad if he can plan a fun trip one of the weekends and have him invite his son instead of making him go. Then it might seem fun to him and he will want to go willingly. I hope this helps, I'm not a parent but I've pretty much been around every type of parenting style since I was 12 and I'm a home daycare provider so I would like to think I know at least a few things.

Answer 2

He has an issue. You don't know what it is. You might not say anything bad but maybe he is picking up on a bad feeling or something?

Instead of shipping off your miserable son, go out with him, his step mom and his dad for a wicked evening of fun! I'm thinking Chuckee Cheese or something equally revolting :P Maybe he just needs a break and to have fun with everyone - and not have to deal with missing his mom. Maybe during this time together, all of you could show him you adore him by just having fun - no questions, no tantrums. Plan to do this once a month until he's past this phase. Bring the step brother and sister too!

AND while you're out maybe you will pick up on something tiny that is setting him off. Is his step brother hitting him while his back is turned and threatening him? Does his step sister show her new panties or something if she is a little smaller and it is BUGGING him? How can you know if you don't all spend time together having fun?

He's 6. Make this a positive thing and your answers will come out in the wash. Stop grounding him for having feelings and remember. He is only 6.

Answer 3

First of all, it sounds like you've done well and you are absolutely not failing as a mom!!! This is a really tough situation. Kids go through all kinds of things at different times and we each parent as best we can. Please don't take the responsibility on yourself.

It's great that his step mom is supportive of him. Maybe the three of you adults need to sit down and talk together. It would be really helpful if you're all in unity and working together to figure out what's going on.. Children can't always explain why they're doing what they're doing, but there's always a reason-even if it isn't being articulated, even if the child himself doesn't know what it is. Are you concerned about the possibility of abuse? I'm not suggesting it, just clarifying. Your description of the situation makes it sound wonderful, but obviously there's something that's going on. Is your son jealous of what you do while he's not there? Is there some game or toy that he's leaving behind? I don't know, just trying to brainstorm a bit.

I understand your concern, but this is mostly a problem between your son and his dad/step mom. Let them get involved in the process. I don't know if you've tried reward charts, special time with you when he returns, a special outing with them, etc. What would happen if for one or two weekends, your son only went during the day and came home to sleep? Is he attached to his bed at the moment?

As a parent, I also really want my children to be close to their father, but the fact is that not all of them are. Mine are older and therefore are able to make choices and sometimes they're hard for me to watch. But for me, I'm looking at the long term of my kids having a healthy, happy relationship with their dad and working towards that goal.

Hope this helps. God bless you.

Answer 4

Sometimes just like adults, children need to be able to talk to someone that doesn't have anything to do with their day to day lives, like a child counselor. There is also a couple of questions that need to be asked, like: has he always thrown a fit ? If not when did it start? Does he think his step mom is great or is that you opinion? When he goes to his dads is his dad there or does his dad have other things like work ?As for his dad not coming to pick him up because his son might throw a fit is not only a cop out for the kid ( he should spend some time with his son finding out he doesn't want to see him) but very inconsiderate in your own life.

Answer 5

It seems like something is going on that is causing your child problems. My first husband and I have been divorced since 2002 my son lived with my parents for awhile and when he found out that we were getting a divorce he didn't like it. My Mom put him into counceling and I think that helped. Even though he is a true suvivor I think that it helped him deal with the fact that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to live together anymore. Even thought his Dad has lived near him off and on and lives near him now he hasn't always. It was a while there when his Dad didn't get to see him much because my son didn't want to spend the night with him. He was ok with his Dad until it was time for bed and then he would either get sick or really worry about his grandparents or me. I have been married since 2002 and he gets along with step-dad. He can spend the night with Dad now (He is 12) but I think that it was the seperation from Mother and home because he spends most of his time with Me and with grandparents. We live with my parents. I still think that if Dad moves away he will have the same problem. Try counceling and try to be very supportive to his needs. Maybe you can work with your ex and the step mother to reslove his fears. If he really doesn't want to go though don't force him. As long as they keep in contact he will come around sooner or later because he will miss the physical contact.

Answer 6

I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but I'd like to offer you some support.
My 7-y-o daughter goes through phases of wanting or not wanting to spend the night at her father's house. She's keen to spend days, just not always the night. At one stage, I was going over in the wee small hours to pick her up, after a tearful phone-call (Mum....!) I never try to pressure her, but just let her dictate the type of contact she has, I don't see this as 'letting her get her way' (ie a bad thing) - it's her right to have contact with her father that I'm concerned about, not her father's 'right' to have her stay over, or any sort of 'rule' on my part about my free weekend - I don't have such a rule. She feels comfortable and in control enough to be able to change her mind about sleeping there. Perhaps if your son grows to understand that the routine is there to use when he feels comfortable, but he isn't going to be forced to go, he'll relax. I'm not suggesting you should allow him to demand to go to his Dad's any time he wants, but let him know he's welcome to start back on the fortnightly routine whenever he feels comfortable. He may well miss his 'other family' soon enough!
You're not failing as his Mom - you love him enough to be asking for help when you feel you need it! Hope I've provided some.

Answer 7

If it was my chid and I have 3 (7, 5 and 2 they are girls). My oldest 2 are to my first partner and he is married with another child as am I.
If it was one of my children, I would be concerned with whats happening when he is at his dads. If they are such nice people why doesnt he want to go. Do they not let him get away with things you might. If he wont talk to you about why he doesnt want to go, you need to get him to talk to someone ( a specialist even)
You are not there with him, so how can you be sure something isnt going on. I would be concerned with him being abused (maybe not by his dad and step mum) but someone else that goes there, he maybe too scared to talk about it.
I hope for your sake hes just being a brat and something nasty isnt happening.

Answer 8

The only thing I can think of is to give him a little break, it's probably a phase he's going through. He sounds like he is demanding YOUR attention, and he's getting it tho negative. I raised 6 children in a visitation type setting like yours. I didn't have a lot of problem like that, but the fact that you feel he's getting his way, tells me he's kind of insecure and needs you. Usually this will work itself out, if you don't make a big deal out of it and give him special attention in other ways. Also you could talk to a counciler on how to deal with him, or he may need to talk to someone else. Good luck!

Answer 9

I feel your pain, my daughter is only 2 and we are already having trouble. In her situation there is no step mom, just daddy and his parents, and she loves to see them, but says that daddy doesn't love her, he loves her cousin(same age) instead. This started when he took her to play with her cousin, and he payed more attention to her instead, so my lil girls heart was broke. Maybe something similiar happened, with your sons father showing more affection to the other children, and you son felt unwanted. I hope that itsn't it, but I know it is a common occurance. With my daughter, we just keep telling her that se will have fun once she is there, and ask her if she wants to see everyone else that will be there. I wish I could offer more help, but I do want you to know that you are not alone.

Answer 10

you should income administration of the region he's like being a monkey on your returned and as quickly as there they gained't get down for no longer something extraordinarily latter in genuine looking teen Age each and every from time to time somewhat spanking on the backside which incorporate your hand is all that it takes each and every from time to time I try this with my babies I additionally do no longer decide to spank till I relax all opportunities first previously they get a spank with my hand I hit a flyswatter as speedy as i'm able to't common the air in basic terms the noise on my own from how briskly the flyswatter is going nevertheless the air to hit the wall or table usually gets them to quit I yell a lot and that they do in comparison to that still in case you punish them you should adhere to the punishment in the different case they think of they could have it there way each and all of the time.