My mom and dad split up when i was 18 months old. Mom remarried when i was 21. stepdad and i have never had a great relationship but my mom and him are paying for their part..rehearsal dinner and alcohol at reception. that is a big deal. my parents are not wealthy at all and 150 plus people are going to be there. on invite it says moms name as giving me away and remebrance of late father.
2006-11-03 11:32:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Write a letter, by hand, to your step-dad. Don't put it off.
Acknowledge the support that he and your mom are offering you and how much that means to you and your fiance. Let him know that if you had it to do over again, you would have discussed the wedding wording with him and your mom first so as not to have hurt his feelings. Be sure to let him know that the omission was not a slight but a mistake and that you are sorry.
At the wedding, during the toasts, thank him and your mother for their generosity, love and support.
OWN this now so that you can put it in the past.
Good Luck and don't let this cast a pall over everything.
2006-11-03 11:59:34 · answer #1 · answered by anirbas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd hand write him a note of apology and be sure to include him in the wedding. Be sure to list him on the wedding program, include him in the receiving line if you are having one, publically thank him for all he and mom did to help get the wedding together. Be especially sure to thank him, personaly, for all he is doing by paying for the wedding. I don't blame him for being offended. If I came into an adult child's life later and then ended up paying for any part of the wedding I would let the child know I was offended. Not knowing how much over 21 you are now, I'm guessing you should have known better and paid for your own wedding. The not great relationship could not have been that bad if he was willing to pay for the wedding and is offended he obviously thought the relationship was better than you did.
2006-11-03 14:09:55 · answer #2 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you messed up, hun. There is plenty of advice on the internet on how to word invitations in cases like this. Did you have the invitations done by a professional? They should have the right advice on how to rectify the situation. The only thing I can think of is, order a new set of invitations. They don't have to be as fancy as the originals. Just the simple white or cream one page card stock as a new invitation, with a note stating an error was made on the original invitation.
EX: "There was an error in the original invitation that has been corrected. Kindly accept my apology for any confusion this has caused."
Good Luck!
ETA: I'm assuming you already sent the invitations out, if you haven't sent invitations out yet. Order new ones. It's an expensive mistake, but you own it, right? I believe you knew exactly what you were doing when you decided to leave his name out. Your intentions were very ungracious, not how a groom-to-be should be representing himself.
2006-11-03 11:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by ihavethat45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With conscious and unconscious acts like that, it is evident you and he didn't/don't have a great relationship. I also would guess it is in large part because of you and your rebellion to your mother's choice of a partner.
I have 4 grown daughter's of whom I was a single parent to them for 9 yrs. I have had a number of friends/marriages/significant others and none have ever dissed any of them. There was some that one or more didn't like but they never expressed that to me. They always gave them respect. Point is you don't have to "like" or "approve" someone to respect them. Preaching done- sorry.
You are aware of the disservice you shown him. Now, I think, a good start would be to honestly apologize to him face to face. And added gesture would be to (if your mother agrees) is just to either have him give you away or both of them walk you down the aisle and give you away.
Lastly it would go a long way for you to make an announcement either at the wedding or the reception saying how good a provider and support person he has been and that you appreciate that.
You don't HAVE to say you love him, nor give details to guest. Just show and voice your appreciation.
2006-11-03 12:28:06 · answer #4 · answered by GERALD S. MCSEE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with him and apologize. Make sure from here on out he gets the daddy role. Top billing on the program, walking you down the aisle (him and your mom can both do it if that makes you feel better), daddy dance with the bride and a toast of gratitude at the rehearsal dinner and the reception. And don't forget a nice gift for him at the rehearsal dinner and buy him a souvenier from your honeymoon. Big weddings are expensive, I know because my husband and I paid for our own and I worked 3 jobs at one point to save for it. But with all of that planning, even if you aren't paying for the whole wedding, things can get overlooked! I completely forgot to mention my mother-in-law's parents on the program in the section where we remember grandparents duh!! I felt like dog poop for doing that but I just totally blanked out. I apologized profusely and sure they were in the credits for our wedding video. Have fun and relax! Unfortunately this won't be the only mishap but hopefully the others will be very minor!!
2006-11-03 16:04:31 · answer #5 · answered by Charlotte G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blame the wedding planner, or spouse to be and even her mom if needed for the glitch on the invites. If you are not good at lieing to someones face, call on the phone and make up something to the effect that you did not see the invites till too late and that you are really sorry. Then let him know that his contribution is much appreciated and will be acknowledged at the actual ceremony. It is prolly your mom that is the most hurt, not him so make nice to her too.
2006-11-04 05:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't printed the invites, you could have them read:
(Your name) and (His name)
together with their parents
invite you to celebrate their marrage
date, time, place
if it's already done, there's little you can do. If he married her when you were 21 years old, he's not your father, he's your mother's husband and is contributing to your wedding because he loves his wife (your mom) and wants her to be happy. If he married her when you were 21 months old, then the invite was kind of cold.
2006-11-03 11:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down and tell him that you are sorry - that you didn't mean to exclude him and would never intentionally hurt him
tell him how much you appreciate that he was there for you and your mom while you were growing up - and that you appreciate how much he is helping with the wedding.
then, at the weddding, make a special toast to your mom and stepdad thanking them for their help with your special day
and if you're up for it, share a dance with him - doesn't have to be a sappy 'daddy's little girl' song but it might be nice if you asked him to dance with you right after your first dance with your hubby
happy wedding!
2006-11-03 13:09:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you having programs made up for the ceremony? Make a thank you notation on the program to the parents (all the parents). That should cover everything, but don't tell them you are doing it. Let them see it first hand, it will mean more.
Good Luck!
2006-11-05 06:34:04 · answer #9 · answered by Hudson Valley Ceremonies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oops! You already have the invitations, you can't afford to buy more. I guess you could say sorry, but the damage is done. Just be extra nice, his feelings are hurt. Maybe do something special with him and your mom. Sincerely apologize.
2006-11-03 11:35:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋