When Your Children Fight/Argue, Do You Intervene, Or Do You Believe In Letting Them Settle It On Their Own?

Question

When my siblings and I argued, my mom would intervene, only when things reached a certain point...otherwise, she let us settle our differences amongst ourselves. What about you? For those that don't interfere, how do you prevent yourself from forcing your children to get along? My brothers and I get along fine now, and we have a close relationship...but I know some siblings, whose fights with one another during childhood, carried on into adulthood. Which method works better?

Answer 1

It's important for kids to learn how to solve thier own problems, but only to a point. When words are said that can hurt long term or if it gets physical, then it's gone too far. I am a Kindergarten teacher (and a parent to be) and I see so many students in school who have no idea how to solve problems on their own because their parents always take over for them before they've even had a chance to try to work it out themselves. I'm not just talking about Kindergarteners (they are so young that they still need help with this matter) but older students who just don't know how to problem solve.

There are several reasons why some siblings don't get along later in life and it's not usually just because of the fights but something that lead up to the fight. My brothers and I fought all the time, but it didn't affect our relationship as we got older, we are as close as ever.

However, with my husband, he was kind of made to be a parent with his younger sister, and his fights were more as a parent to a child. He stayed at home with her and made dinner and through the summer had to be the caregiver. The problem is, his parents would come home and yell at him if his sister didn't do her chores, but everytime he tried to enforce the rule (not violence, but things like sending her to time out) he would get in trouble with his parents too. He started to resent her and it has kind of continued as they became adults.

Answer 2

I have three children of the ages 12 yrs, 7 yrs , and 19 months. So as a parent I try to let my children resolve their own arguments initially. If they don't settle their issue within two minutes I intervene. Before things escalate I intervene. Children already know it is wrong to argue at a certain age. I'm giving them the proper skills to learn how to cut off arguments. I also ask them why are they arguing. Most of the time arguing is a power issue, and the arguments are silly.

I don't tolerate negative name tags, or physical fighting. And of course I tell my children my sister and I used to argue as children. But we have never had a physical fight. It is nonsense and foolish for people to act as children as adults, and carry over sibling rivalry. I also tell my children that family is a blessing from God. I tell them how as adults my sister and I pulled each other through life's crisis, when our mother was ill. Mom your children will be fine. You really already know what is best for your children. Every child has a different personality, and a different set of circumstances. All is well in Jesus name.

Answer 3

I am debating how to handle this situation right now. My girls are 2 and 3 years old and often fight. I do take the "let them work it out" attitude most of the time. I will intervene if things get too loud or physical. When I intervene, I try to make sure that they know they are both acting inappropriately. I don't believe these tussles are usually the fault of one kid or the other. I don't care who started it. I will take away the thing they are fighting over or separate them to try to calm the situation. I don't make them apologize - they occasionally will do so on their own.

Answer 4

Letting them figure it out on there own teaches them how to work there social skills which are very important. Who better to test your social skills on than a sibling who will eventually forgive you anyways. If and When it gets physical I would intervene. Your mom was a smart woman. Follow her example. It will be hard at times because you will know that one is right and one is wrong but just step back, pay attention and watch. You will no doubtly be amazed at your little ones and see a little of yourself in them.

Answer 5

I don't know if it is intervening, maybe more moderating. When my children were arguing I and is seem a little heated I would help them to communicate in a way that helped to solve the situation. I believe parents should not stop confrontations, but should help their children resolve their differences in a constructive way. Yelling and fighting is not constructive, so help them to use their words to be understood, and let them know it is alright to agree to disagree.

Answer 6

I believe it is best to allow the children to work things out on their own as long as things aren't physical. This teaches one at a young age to both speak their minds and stand up for themselves. Usually some common ground can be found, and siblings learn to respect the opinions of each other.

Answer 7

As long as we didn't get violent or verbally out of control, my parents did not intervene either. They let us solve things on our own. We all get along now, because we learned how to compromise.

Answer 8

im 21 my sisters are 16 and15 we still argue like cats and dogs but when in really comes down to it were best friends.. My parents always let us argue with a few will you stop its and be nice to each others.... We may argue but we have each others backs and stand up for one another when it really matters.

Answer 9

normally i let them figure it out for themselves. i raised 4 and am now raising 4 grandbabies - ages 8.7, 6 &6 . yes i intervene at soem point but thats generally after hearing MA -MA in various decible levels. most often i yell back "IS THERE BLOOD??" before even trying to straighten things out.

Answer 10

stable tale yet once I were his father, i think of i'd wring his b----y neck (metaphorically conversing of path) and then an afternoon or 2 or an hour or 2 after it giggle with my acquaintances and relatives. i'd make the blighter go through first on appropriate yet Oh boy did I and would I giggle