He said he cheated on me coz I wouldn't sleep with him, so that makes it my fault?

Question

I found out my boyfriend cheated on me and he admitted it. He said he only did it because he needed to have sex and since I'm saving myself for marriage he just had to get it somewhere else. He said he made a mistake and it was just sex and that it meant nothing. He said he was sorry for like a thousand times and begged me not to leave him coz he loves me so much.

I'm really hurt and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can forgive him and a part of me wonders if this's after all my fault because I wouldn't have sex with him. I mean I made it very clear since we started dating that I'm saving myself for marriage and he accepted it. I wish that he had told me that he needed to have sex and just left me instead of cheating on me.

Answer 1

What a scumbag to blame his cheating on you. It's not your fault; it's his. If you made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that you were waiting for marriage, then that was his time to leave if he couldn't handle that, and go find a woman who would put out.
So what is to stop him from cheating on you again if you are still waiting for marriage? Or is he just hoping to convince you to leave your moral convictions behind for his personal pleasure. Please leave him, and keep your self-respect and morals intact. He is not going to let you have either one.

Answer 2

Let me tell you something, a man will always say it is your fault to have an excuse for what he did. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Remember what you wrote, "I mean I made it very clear since we started dating that I 'm saving myself for marriage and he accepted it." That means, if he accepted it then, he is only using it as an excuse now. If he really loved you, he would not have cheated and would have the nerve to say it is just sex. Nothing is just sex when you go with someone else knowing you are in a relationship. It is straight out "Cheating" . Don't let any man take away your self-respect. Move on and find someone else who will show you respect. Without respect, you have nothing. Respect covers everything. A person would respect your feeling, opinions, needs and everything else about you. Never settle for less. If you let him get away with it now, he will do it again. He will be thinking that you love him too much to leave him and he will do it again. You sound like a great person and I am very proud of you for making such an mature decision. It is time to let him go. At this point, he will tell you anything so you will be hurt and keep him. You will regret it if you do that. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like he doesn't respect you that much and you need to leave him alone. If you're saving yourself for marriage, you need to be with someone who feels the same way, or can honestly be with you but know that he will never get sex from you. A guy who truly cares about you won't let his being horny get in the way of respecting you and being true to his commitment to you. And also, he'd never pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. But whatever the case, in this situation, you are not to blame and you need to leave him alone, b/c either he's gonna pressure you to have sex or he's gonna cheat again.

Answer 4

I´m really sorry for you....he´s just looking for excuses..no man NEEDS sex.... what will happen in the future when you´re married, and at a certain time you can´t have sex for some reason (illness, living in 2 different places due to work/studies, after delivering a baby....)?? would he go and find it somewhere else AGAIN???maybe you should look for someone who has the same ideas as you...you are not to be blamed, you made things very clear to him since the beginning...good luck!!!

Answer 5

My ex boyfriend did the exact same thing to me. I wouldn't give him any, because he wanted it everywhere, like in public, etc. Well, I didn't like it, and so I stopped giving it to him, and instead, he decided to find it elsewhere. I also blamed myself, because I knew he did it because I wouldn't give it up to him. He also said the same thing, that it was a mistake, that he loved me. But he didn't. Because he still fooled around with my friends, and after almost 3 years together, and a few months of heartache and pain, I brole it off.

Listen...it is not your fault. You stuck by your beliefs, and continue to do so. And if he truly cared for you...he would not have cheated on you to begin with. He would have stuck by your side, and waited it out with you. Or he would have been honest with you in the first place. Having sex always means something. Do not put yourself through the heartache.

I truly do not think it will work out with you and him, because it will take time for you to truly get over his actions, and since he's a cheater, he might do it again. Seriously weigh the possibilites. Could you forgive and stay with him? Or would it be better for you to move on and find someone who won't do that to you?

Answer 6

It sounds like he doesn't get just how serious it was cheating on you like that. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but when a guy tries to tell you it meant nothing, that it was just sex, that means that he really doesn't think he did anything wrong. But he did! By cheating on you he not only betrayed your love & trust, but his excuse for doing it shows that he must be an extremely selfish person w/ very little self-control. Would you want to marry that, and worry that if, as his wife, on a night or 2 you didn't feel up to having sex that he'll go out & commit adultery because "he just had to get it"?! HOW LAME IS THAT?!

Please think carefully before you plan your life w/ this guy, ok? Hang in there! :)

Answer 7

No way in hell is it your fault dont take that **** from any guy!! never let a man make you feel like that just because your courting doesnt mean you have to rush into sex its best to wait intill you find the right person and do it when your ready!not just to make some guy happy the thing iv learned is if they cheat once they'll do it again and again

Answer 8

Maybe you two have too different values and are mismatched.

You think virginity is something to keep as a treasure and only give away once to your one-and-only. Sex is between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, and no one else.

He thinks sex is two people giving each other pleasure and when you are young, the experience you get while dating will make you enjoy sex more later, make the sharing even better when you do marry.

Better talk about it with each other or find someone who will fit your idea of the perfect mate.

Answer 9

I wouldn't say he is a pig, pigs dont live for sex either. Rather in a human way i would say he ain't man enough to respect his lady 's wish he has no integrity. as a guy let me tell u sis it happens thou that u get into such a situation whereby there will be someone availing themselves but like i said if u are living with a purpose u wont go astray rather u will be man enough.
So my advice to u is look for a man who will respect you for you and live by his integrity

Answer 10

Good for you. Bad for him.

Now I don't think he's a good man for cheating, but I have to say... I understand why he did. For men, it's a gnawing urge that CONSTANTLY writhes and pulsates at the edges of our vision. Yes, it's THAT bad.

However, he got with you KNOWING you were saving for marriage, and so in that sense there is no excuse. He could have just as easily pleased himself with masterbation. So I'm sorry you are hurt by it, I'm sure you will find a much better man that deserves you.

I like a woman who respects herself enough to want to save it for marriage.