Is it really that strange if you DON¨T want to speak in your mother tongue..?

Question

..... to your own kids?? (you speak to them in another language you speak fluently) Do you think people have a right to critisise for that or is it none of their business???

the language I want to speak to my kids is NOT the language of the country I am living in..let me explain...I am Dutch but live in Spain and would like to talk in English to my kids.my husband is catalan (from Barcelona) and wants to talk Catalan to the kids...so the kids would hear 4 languages in total ..English (me), Catalan (my husband and parents-in-law), Spanish (school and friends) and Dutch (my parents) I feel 4 languages are too many, but I don´t want to give up on English...(please realise that English classes in Spain are of a very low level)

Answer 1

Absolutely NONE of their business.

Answer 2

I think this is wonderful and will help the intelligence of your children and increase their knowledge of how another language works. If your native language is English, let's say, and you are speaking to them in a Latin-based language, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese this may actually help them understand English better as so many English words have their roots in old Latin. You may also be helping them to be bi-lingual which when they are older could be of benefit to them commercially or occupationally. Plus, it might be a de-stresser for you. I am fluent in Spanish and there are times when it just is better said in Spanish. A lot of the "Romance Languages" really are better at expressing emotions than English.
I'd say keep up the good work, it will only make your children more tolerant and intelligent, and it is not anybody else's business. You are the one that is going to have to live with the consequences of the investment you are making in your family. My Great Grandparents and Grandparents were missionaries in India. I grew up hearing my mom speak occassionally in Urdu, a language of India. Along with that she showed me pictures she had taken when she was a child living in India, and I have always felt a "International Friendship" with people from India, and used the few words I know when I am talking with them. So I think you are doing a favor for your kids, especially if you can include some music or pictures from that country. I wish you well.
-Spec

Answer 3

No, it's not strange, but it is sad; as it happens often when the mother tongue is not considered 'as important or nice' as the dominant language (which I assume is English).
It is such a shame that people feel this 'cultural cringe' as all languages are equally important and valid, and the 'dominant culture' diminishes the status of your mother tongue; which is a form of discrimination, albeit not obvious.
Other people may think it their business if they have the same original mother tongue, or have also felt this kind of cultural discrimination; so may view your actions as enforcing and agreeing with this.
Children brought up in a multi-lingual environment have an 'educational' advantage, not just linguistic, but in other disciplines as well. Besides making them more open minded, understanding & 'worldly', multi-lingual children are able, generally, to pick up new concepts more 'naturally', and able to view things from more than one standpoint, e.g. lateral thinking.

Another point is 'cultural loss/language death', which is happening at an alarming rate worldwide. Such losses make the world 'a poorer place'; in a similar way to the loss of floral & faunal diversity does. We need to do our best to try to protect and encourage these languages/cultures to continue as much as we care for the environment.

If your critics are coming from these viewpoints, then they do have a right to encourage you to be proud of your origins & so you can then help give your children a 'better sense of self' along with a better chance in their education.

No-one has the right to criticise your choice, but maybe you should 'ignore the messenger' and listen to the message.
Good luck with whatever you choose .... all knowledge is good :-D

Answer 4

Everyone wants to be understood, therefore, I believe you should speak the language of the country you live in. However, especially, if your parents speak a different language, I believe it is respectful to have your child, also, learn the language of your parents. There are lots of times that being able to speak more than 1 language is helpful in advancement of your careers, etc. My nephew married a woman fromGermany, they decided that their child should be able to speak both languages. Although, my nephew, also, could speak German, he only spoke english to his daughter. Although, his wife could speak english, during the time that they were home, she only spoke german to her daughter. The daughter is now 12 years old, smart as a whip and is, also, learning how to speak spanish. To enrich your children world why not speak your mother's tongue to them, say 1 day a week or at supper?

Answer 5

No-one has a right to criticise in a negative way; parents must decide for themselves what seems best to them.

I do think it's a pity when parents don't encourage children to learn their own language because they think that children exposed to minority languages will be confused or disadvantaged; all the evidence is that children exposed to other languages will do better academically, professionally, and culturally. Especially in situations where the minority culture is not valued by the majority, it can be important for parnets to preserve connections to it so that in later life kids can make their own choices of what to tke from each culture.

Answer 6

I admit, I do find it strange, and sometimes sad, but certainly no one has the right to criticize someone who does that.
My own children have been French (papa)/English (me) bilingual from the get-go and now speak German fluently as well--sometimes I ask them what language they'll speak to their own kids and they get quite flustered. Also, i don't know for sure that my husband wouldn't have spoken English to his kids if they'd had a francophone mother. (My French is fine, but it's certainly not "my" language, whereas he has only French as a "mother tongue" but definitely English as a "native" language.)
My daughter's friend's mother is from the Philippines but speaks to her kids in I think something of a mix of standard and Swiss German (we live in Switzerland) and it is quite sad that when they see their grandparents they really can't speak to them at all.


Hi again,

OK ya lost me...do you currently have kids you speak Dutch with or are you talking about as-yet-unborn babies?
I think that Swiss & High German are as different as Spanish and Catalan are, so by that standard my kids DO speak four and they're doing fine. (They're 7 & 11, were 2 & 5 when we moved here.)

Answer 7

No matter what you do, you'll always speak your mother tongue. Just living with people in your community is enough it doesn't have to be taught at home. Well, some people are deprived of their language if their parents don't teach it to them or if they don't live in their country. Well you can explain to the people why you may not know your mother longue language, there's no problem with that.

Answer 8

I think you should teach them all 4. Once they are fluent in 2, teach them the others. I definitely agree with the other answers about learning less common languages. What's there to lose? I really wish I had learned 4 languages while growing up...

Answer 9

You are free to make whatever choices you want, but I don't think that four langauges is too many. Kids have an amazing capacity to understand and learn languages. There are entire communities where children learn to understand at least three or four languages, and they seem fine.

Answer 10

I don't think it's that strange. I speak English better than my mother tongue and it's the language that I choose to express myself in. That doesn't make me any less of a patriot to my country.

Answer 11

I think its totally normal as i can express myself more in english than my mother tongue,i thinks its up to you to decide what languages you want your child to be fluent in and its best if you start now if they are still small.