We have been together for about 4 months, from the get go I have been the one who initiates when it comes to making out and sex. Why does my boyfriend never start it? I know he is totally in to me, it is obvious, so what is his deal?
2006-11-03 06:14:18 · 38 answers · asked by Jaye 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe it turns him on more if the girl is the aggressor and if he is passive. sort of like unconscious role playing. It's like... if I'm laying in bed and my girlfriend jumps on me and starts kissing me all over, say. Personally i like that better than if I have to be the one to reach out. Especially, i think, if he's had any harsh rejections from female figures in his life in the past--it might be reassuring to him, on some unconscious level (not just sexually) if you are the one seeking him in those encounters. It's weird.. that's part of how it works with me though. you should probably talk more about it with him and try to figure it out together. And maybe talking will lead to other things. :-)
2006-11-03 19:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say either he feels pressured (which is a huge turn-off to guys), smothered (also a turn-off) or he is just really shy when it comes to such things. It's hard to really assess it without more details.
Most guys, when they are virgins or sexually inexperienced, have difficulty in making the first move, especially the older they are when they begin to have sex. Also, even though it's a cliche and overused as an excuse, guys like to feel like they have the power in the relationship. If you are constantly pressuring him or making moves on him, he may feel powerless or even emasculated. By taking the initiative yourself, it's as if you're telling him "you can't get the job done, so I'll do it myself." While many men prefer aggressive women, it is often the cause of many problems like this.
Also, the elephant in the room that nobody else might want to address is that he could be cheating. Classic signs of a cheater usually involve pulling away and showing less affection. But in your case, it's a relatively new relationship and you didn't say that you once had a love life and now don't, but rather that you've been having this problem all along, so I think it's far less likely that he is cheating.
At the bottom of all this, though, is the core issue of communication. If you don't talk to each other - really talk - then nothing will be solved. You've got to let him know how you feel and really listen to how he feels as well. Only then can you grow and be successful in the relationship. Right now, it looks like you only have suspicions, so chances are you don't know him very well.
2006-11-03 06:39:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very obvious...he has become so used to you initiating and making the first move(s) that he's fallen back on his pillows! You need to either talk to him about this or just be patient and allow him to realize that you are a person with needs as well. To be served is one thing, but to be the server is another! He needs to know that just because you are a female, or the female partner in his love life, that you will not tolerate his male ego-trip! I understand you love him but, by you allowing him to have his way, for so long, you give in to his selfish pleasure of having you as his servant! If you don't see this then you are in denial, but as it sounds by what you've shared, you are giving in to him and he is the one is denial. So talk it over and make sure to stand your ground...believe me, it is a great feeling and expression of love when you're not the one always initiating, but the one receiving those showers of love! Good luck and enjoy the ride, for a change!
2006-11-03 06:27:56 · answer #3 · answered by HotInTX 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several possible reasons....
First, sex drive is very variable in people. Even young men can occasionally have little or no sex drive. (I had a female friend years ago who had this problem with her bf). If you are having problems with it now, it will be a problem his entire life.
Second possibility, he may have emotional issues surrounding sex. Perhaps he was abused or has performance anxiety. Again, as a young man, he should have this looked into now.
Basically, you need to tell him it is a problem and discuss with him if it is low sex drive or something else, and discuss if there any way to fix it. Because, if you don't take care of now, it will always be an issue in your relationship (and may stop you have having a long term relationship).
2006-11-03 06:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by Wundt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whatever the reason, as long as he is not gay, he is at least a whole load better than some guys who are in a relationship just for the sex right?
maybe you should stop taking the initiative and let him know that if he wants anything, he would have to do something.
2006-11-03 06:39:31 · answer #5 · answered by rain&fog 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels that in doing so he is crossing a threshold that he is not sure it is acceptable to cross. Another possibility is that he has real contact issues but hopefully that is not the case. There are some people that have a really difficult time allowing others into their physical space even when they are lovers.
There are also a general lack of understanding among me of the pleasure and reassurance provided by physical contact.
2006-11-03 06:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by Patrick B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's shy and/or maybe does not want you to think that sex is all he's looking for. Talk to him, tell him that you enjoy sex and would like him to take some initiative. Tell him that there's no 'wrong' doing there and try to communicate openly with him. He'll get the point and probably will like you even more!
2006-11-03 06:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sky 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
adult men will not often reject actual touch...think of of it that way. If he's prepared to make a circulate each time, he might certainly welcome any circulate you would be prepared to make. Honey, adult men are common. I promise, he won't reject you till you rejected him and he's enjoying a stupid recreation to get even. i replaced into the comparable way, I discovered I in basic terms had a terror of being rejected and overcame it as quickly as i found out how uncomplicated adult men have been. he will kiss returned. And intercourse....perhaps get playful, push him and rigidity him to place down. Climb onto him (completely clothed) and initiate kissing extra. he will like it. you in basic terms ought to cajole your self he won't draw back or reject you. he's with you using fact he needs to be....
2016-10-21 05:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by balderas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he gets more attention by letting you initiate the physical part of your relationship. You could just play it cool and see what happens.
2006-11-03 06:29:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men like the woman to take initiative. i think he may have a low sex drive. not being corny but some men are great in bed but have really low sex drive best thing you can do is just accept that he is into u and if u like him then be patient. gl
2006-11-03 06:20:28 · answer #10 · answered by goininsane21 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋