What do I do?!?

Question

Ok so basically my boyfriend of 2 months is somebody I like a lot and I haven't ever felt this way towards someone before. He tells me he loves me one minute and the next minute he will be mad and screaming at me saying we need time apart, then he apologizes and ALWAYS finds a way to make me drop the subject and get on to something that will make me forget that he just called me a *****. He always is so rude when he is around his friends and he seems to be really wrapped up in his reputation. one time he told me that he was breaking up with me for 2 weeks so he can have sex with a girl he met in minnesota and then he said he would get back with me but he didnt want to cheat. I am so nice and vulnerable to his behavior that I let him walk all over me. Last night he said we needed time apart and we got in a fight, then i told him i had to go eat and he was like but i still wanna go out with u i still like u please dont be mad at me. It was totally stupid. He makes me somad but i lovehim

Answer 1

NOTE: I don't mean to offend you at all in this answer I'm about to give you; I'm just being bluntly honest.

If I had a gong, I would be banging it in your face right now. This whole situation is totally wrong! Let's analyze it, okay? This is what you have:

1.) You have a boyfriend.
2.) You "love" your boyfriend.
3.) Your boyfriend "loves" you but doesn't love you at the same time.
4.) You are completely submissive to his control.

Only ONE of those things could be considered positive...but the catch is, the other three have to be eliminated before it can be positive. I'll give you four chances to guess which one it is.

Now first of all: I wanna ask you how you feel when he's sweet and caring and he gives you everything you could ever dream of. Let's call this "Feeling A." Now, how do you feel when he's yelling at you and calling you names and telling you that you're nothing but a worthless w***e? We'll call that "Feeling B."

Now, is Feeling A such a great emotion that it's worth enduring twice as much of Feeling B in order to experience Feeling A? If you answered "yes," then you can go ahead and delete my response and get back to your submissive life. If you answered "no," then there's more for you to read.

You sound like you treat your boyfriend with the utmost respect and patience and forgiveness...but he's not so responsible when it comes to returning those emotions. He's more concerned about looking cool around his friends, than actually giving you the attitude you deserve to be around. Guys often believe that coerciveness will "keep women in 'check,' and eliminate their free will and agency." It's the sad but honest truth. He loves to push you around and then promise you that he doesn't mean to act that way...because that's how he keeps you interested in him, or so he thinks. You feel so sh*tty about yourself after a fight with him that you're automatically "his" again if he just does a little sweet-talking and fake apologizing. But you MUST know that it's all a con, to keep you coming back to him as a last resort.

Also, could you imagine yourself living with someone with that kind of an attitude, for the rest of your life? Maybe you can, but you don't deserve to. Nobody does. I don't even know you and I can honestly tell you that I believe that you are one-of-a-kind, and no one could ever replace you and the role that you have in life. This boy doesn't love you, and you shouldn't waste your time on him. If you do, you'll just keep getting pushed in the mud and pulled back up to do it all over again. You don't love him. You may think you do, but you don't. And that's why you still have time to recover. Make a committment to just drop your attempts with this guy. Start fresh and look for someone more respectful of you. Good luck!

-Steve-