I've been with my dude for about 7 months now and ou of that 7 he has only worked maybe 4 months he wasn't working when i met him and he isn't working now. Do i love him yes nut i am a single mother i have my own place my own car my own job and he has ......ME. So what do i do and how do i do it nicely? i dont want to hurt him he is still a good man.
2006-11-03 03:42:32 · 10 answers · asked by babygirlny617 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am married to a man like this. They live in a dream world. Because they don't take responsibility for themselves they remain happy-go-lucky kids, which unfortunately gives them a certain charm.
Sit down with him. Show him the bills. Show him your paycheck. Tell him you are struggling- which as a single mother I am sure you are. Ask him for his help. Then see if he steps up to the plate.
You don't need to give him any ultimatums. But in your own mind you might say something like- if he doesn't have a job by the new year- he's out. Then follow through. When that time comes remind him of the conversation you had about the bills, of his promises if he made any- and he probably will, and tell him you love him but that you cannot afford another child right now. You might tell him that if he gets and holds a job for at least 6 months you'll talk to him again.
You need to think about the example you are setting your children. If they are girls you don't want them to wind up supporting some guy. If they are boys you don't want them to think they can find a woman with a big heart and a full wallet.
Be strong. Be firm. And tell me how to take my own advice.
2006-11-03 04:18:36 · answer #1 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does being a good man enough to pay the bills? the rent? the car? NO. Kick him out, get him to find a job or else, he will mooch off you for the rest of your relationship. You mentioned that you are a single mother, as if taking care of your kids is not enough, you have this deadbeat having you feed/clothe/house him as well. You can do better.
2006-11-03 03:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by Houndstooth5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are having a hard time supporting all of you and that you would like him to find a job. If he truly cares for you he will get that job ASAP. If he starts making excuses and whines then you should know what to do. I can understand having a hard time sometimes but there comes a time when anyone should be willing to work at anything just to be able to support themselves or their loved ones. It may only be a low paying job but he needs to keep looking-you never know when a great job is going to "fall" in his lap.
2006-11-03 03:51:01 · answer #3 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All i can say is look at it the other way around, what if he was the one supporting you and how you would feel. Its like i said to my g/f i wouldnt care if she had no money at all, as long as we have each other then nothing else matters and we can get through anything. If u really want him to work then sit him down and tell him that but ask yourself if you still love him, only from that can u see if there is still a future for you 2
2006-11-03 04:59:42 · answer #4 · answered by Chappers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk about a double standard! Can you imagine a comment like yours from a man? Get serious , lady, you love him -- that's enough. I've been with my woman 35 years now and out of that she's never worked. Should I dump her? Of course not; I'd be lost without her.
2006-11-03 05:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have started. It's going to be hard. You have to sit him down and tell him nicely that he needs to grow some balls step up and be a man and take care of his self. Tell him that you didn't mind helping him but enough is enough.
2006-11-03 03:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by mocha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF he were a good man, he'd be out there trying to get a job to help support you and your child... even if he can't completly support you, he would be contributing...
tell him that he needs to get a job and start helping out financialy... if he refuces, then he's refusing to help you, he's a child, and should be at home with his mommy. if he says he can't find one. the local McDonalds is hiring, i'm sure. local food stores are often hiring... if it came down to it, he could get a job, but he doesn't want to work...
2006-11-03 03:48:45 · answer #7 · answered by Junior1544 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just taking adavantage of you. There is no reason why you should be supporting him. Make him become a man and be responsible. Seriously think about it, its not worth it. You should've never had done that.
2006-11-03 03:50:20 · answer #8 · answered by Homeboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a real man. He sounds like a scumbag loser who is taking advantage of you! Tell him to get his sh*t together or get out!
2006-11-03 03:55:07 · answer #9 · answered by drakekse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is a good man, he would do anything to find a job. tell him honestly what you feel and move on with your life, you have life to live.
2006-11-03 05:21:46 · answer #10 · answered by blue violet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋