I am worried about my mother and her new "boyfriend"?

Question

My mom 50, is divorced and hasn't had a boyfriend in 8 years. She has only been on two dates in the past 6 years and never had a second date.

She is bad at relationships and acts like an immature teen and latches on to men way to quick. She married my father after 8 months of knowing him and that was ugly.

She called me today to tell me she has a "boyfriend" and she has known him for FOUR days. She told me she wanted me and my wife to meet him tomorrow. She also said she is taking him to Thanksgiving to meet the entire family!

She says he is "perfect" for her: never been married, has no children, has his own house and is an accountant.

We were shocked and felt it was so rushed. I am uncomfortable meeting her boyfriend of 4 days. We want her to have a boyfriend so she stops trying to hang out with us all of the time, but this is way fast!

Are we overreacting? What do you think?

Answer 1

I think the fact that she is 50 and set in her ways means there is not much you can do. Have you told her that you think she moves too fast or latches on too quickly? If not, try and see how she reacts. She sounds very insecure. She will not find a relationship that works until she "fixes" herself.
Other than that, you just have to go along with it, meet the guy to at least find out what type of person she is hanging out with. And try to offer her support. Good Luck.

Answer 2

After you reading what you're saying your mom already did her job raising you up, those values you have today many of them have came from her, then, Why are you judging her? She is old enough to verify by her self if a relationship is good or not, perhaps don't take the denomination "boyfriend" too serious, in English sounds too normal, may be the gentleman is nothing else than her friend. You are saying she's been without a relationship since a few years, so What's the problem? My advise is let her be, perhaps, name me one person who's in love and doesn't act like a teenager. You should be proud that your mom is taking your consideration as her son and is trusting you to introduce you with her "boyfriend" that means she values your opinion. Give her the break and the chance to re-start a new live next to someone she likes and that she isn't hiding away from you. You started your live and most probably she'd trusted your selection, now is your turn to do the same, support her all along, your mom's happiness deserves it. Don't worry trust her, she knows very deep, but her happiness won't be complete if you aren't there. This's her time and your to show that her instruction was the best. Good luck for both you.

Answer 3

Your mother and her new boyfriend may have found within the four days that they have alot in common. They may enjoy each others company and feel an attraction for each other. There are quite a few people I have met, men and women, that I felt I had known for years. We connected immediately because we were interested in the same things.
When you are meeting someone for the first time, it is very uncomfortable to anyone. Your first meeting with him should be before family get togethers. Invite your mother and her boyfriend for dinner at your place with only you and your wife. Get to know him as you would other people you have first met.
Your mother deserves to be happy. He could be the best thing that ever happened to her.

Answer 4

No you arnt over reacting!!you really care about your mum and its obvious.If she is rushing this relationship her boyfriend might get scared off and she will end up really hurt!!!Have you tried talking to her?Tell her how you feel about the way she is acting but show you really care about her.She might just be lonely and need this man in her life even if it is only for a while(Hopefully not).As you said he has been her bf for 4 days the other dates she had didnt do any further than the first date.This man might really like your mum.He might be finally ready to settle down and thinks your mum could be THE ONE.Give them a chance to get to know each other in their own way.
If you meeting this man is what your mum wants it shows she wants to know how you feel?She isnt hiding this relationship from you and is honest about what she wants.
Your mum deserves to be happy after everything and although it is only the early stage of the relationship her bf might want exactly what she does.Give them a chance.If it doesnt work out then be there for her.
I met my bf and 1 week later met his sister and moved in with him 3 weeks later.We are still together and very happy.You can tell from day 1 if you have a connection and they obviously do or she wouldnt want you and your family to meet him.

Hope what ive said makes sense and good luck!!!!

Answer 5

meet him don't make a call on him till you meet you can tell a hole lot about a person by the first meeting scope him out see how he talks and act towards your mom he might just be the one for her and yes you are over reacting if she has known him 4 days and wants you to meet him tomorrow well then that will open the door to you seeing if he is a jerk before she brings him to Thanksgiving dinner ,your mom is 50 and she thinks she is running out of time to get together with some one may be if you and your wife support her and be honest with her about how you fill about this guy after meeting him may be she will take your advice

Answer 6

I don't think you are overreacting. I would be freaking out too if I were in your situation. You should at least go meet him, even if it is after 4 days of dating. That way you have a base on which to judge him. It seems that something is a little off though if he has never been married and is still alone at this age. Make sure you get his full name and run a background check on him just to make sure your Mom is in good company.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, it is her life, and there is nothing you can do but b there for her through the good and the bad. If she is making a mistake, you cannot really tell her because often that will only drive a stake in between yours and her relationships and drive her closer to the mistake. Anyway, maybe she has found Mr. Right. Just keep you eyes open for any tell tale signs of abuse, whether physical, emotional or even financial, and that is when you can say something, albiet very gently. Remember, it is her life and her decisions to make, all you can do is be there for her.

Answer 8

NO! Dude, your mom has serious issues and she needs to slow down. She's way to desperate and anxious to make things happen. After four days she knows nothing about this dude and it is inappropriate to the nth degree for her to be forcing him on the family. Tell her what you've told us. That first of all you're happy that she's happy, but four days is too short a time in particular for family functions, that she should take it a little slower, and that you'd be glad to meet her new intended sometime after the holidays. And also, get her a copy of the book "The Rules," because your mom is in need of some boundaries when it comes to dating. Good luck, my brother.

Answer 9

No, you are very accurate in your feelings. There are some very odd, dangerous and scary people in this world. I would meet him tomorrow to pacify your mothers feelings, but the real reason behind it for me, would be to check out if he's a cook and if I think I should be concerned for her safety. Yes, that is a lot fast...perfect? Never married, No children? There's gotta be a reason for it.... Meet him, and assess the issues. Try to be sensitive to your mothers feelings. She's obviously very needy, but this isn't good. Let her plan to bring him to Thanksgiving dinner, who knows it might not last that long, but eventually, if you think he's really not good for her, you will need to discuss this with her. She doesn't even know him....she can't possibly know that he is "perfect" for her.

Answer 10

If this guy is an accountant and has his own home, then he at least sounds like he might be stable and mature. And he doesn't have the baggage of a prior marriage. If you have any doubts about him when you meet him, have him checked out by an investigator. Your mother is 50. She is an adult. Let her live her life and make her own mistakes. She will either work things out or she won't. It isn't within your control.