I am currently 6 months pregnant. How can i be polite when the time comes in telling my mother in law that i dont want her in the delivery room. The reason being that i am not comfortable with her seeing whatever is going on. I know its a miracle and all of that but its a miracle that i dont want her to witness. If you know what i mean. I just want my husband and my mother with me.
2006-11-03 02:37:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I would just tell her just that. You need your privacy. Your wanting your own mom there should be a given. Tell her she can be at the hospital and you will send your husband out to get her once the baby has been delivered and you are cleaned up a bit. This is YOUR time. Don't be bullied into allowing people in that make you uncomfortable. good luck to you!
2006-11-03 04:51:23 · answer #1 · answered by Sunspot Baby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rules of a lot of delivery rooms are that the guests have to take a birthing class, even the Dad. Take your Mom and husband with you. Do not mention the classes to the mother in law.
There are also rules about how many people can be in the delivery room. Check it out at the hospital of your choice, it might be that 3 people is over the limit.
Delivery rooms, be it the fancy decorated birthing room, or a traditional delivery room, are often small and cramped, anyway. Hospital personel do not want a gallery of people there, in case something goes wrong with mother, baby, or both. Watch the TV show ER, you will see small and cramped, and families in the ER, getting in the way, screaming and fainting, demanding explanations, while the staff is trying to save a life, and getting mad when they are ignored, or shoved out the door.
It is your birth, and if mom in law confronts you directly for an invite, tell her the truth. I'm so scared, I don't want you to see me be a big baby, and I'm so worried about all those strangers seeing me half nekked, or whatever the truth is.
And give her a job to do, from the waiting room. Mom in law, could you call people for us? Bill will give you his cell phone, and a list of people. Call my best friend Josey, my Aunt Mary... And of course, keep it to a short list.
And here's another one. Oh, Mom in law, I was so hoping you could bail me out after the birth! Could you come and {pick one] cook us a meal in about a weeK? We willl be so hungry for a home cooked meal by then, and your son would die for some of your ravioli by then. And you can visit with us all eve.Or ask for baby lessons, or for her to come sit with you for a couple hours while your husband is at work, so you won't be alone. Or ask her to pick up some bread and milk for you, or stay with the baby so you can. Don't heap on the work, though, especially if she works for a living.
I love the way my friends daughter handled two first grandchild grandmothers, and later the birth of twin boys.. Nobody was in the delivery room with her but the Dad, and she was up front about her wishes, the Grands came in later for a photo op, grandpa is a photography buff. The grands were allowed to run the shower, they divied up the work, and told spend as much as they wanted to on baby gifts, and buy whatever they wanted.. The Dad picked out the nursery theme, he picked Nascar for the two twin boys that were expected. Mom thought he would enjoy being included in the planning. He did.
The Grands divided up babysitting duties after the Mom went back to work, and when first child needed speech therapy, divided transportation up, too. Mom was emphatic that the kids not be a burden to the Grands, they would not be devoting all their spare time to them. Good for Mom!
Hope this gave you some ideas, good luck, with the happy event, and stay well!
2006-11-03 15:26:37 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know you want the dad and your mom to be there in the delivery room and the rest of the family in the waiting room. For this new baby is why all this happening. You could sit down with her and ask her how her son was born and any great pointers she may have. Your husband can help you be a polite voice too!
2006-11-03 12:24:13 · answer #3 · answered by rebecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your MIL feels like she's one of the Grandmas just like your mom is and feels entitled to the same rights and priveleges as your mom. If you'd like to keep it private, perhaps you could allow them both in until the Dr says "feet in stirups" and then it'll be just you and husband. You may even ask your Dr to help. Ask him if he'll throw them both out at the appropriate time. He has dealt with this before, and may take care of it for you or at least have suggestions. Don't feel bad about including/excluding anyone, they've already seen it at least once. Talk to Hubby too, see what he thinks. Congratulations on the baby!
2006-11-03 15:13:37 · answer #4 · answered by michaelsmaniacal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your husband to tell his mother that it is a very private and special time for you two and that she may enter the room just as soon as you have the baby in your arms.
2006-11-03 12:24:12 · answer #5 · answered by Binky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is up to you and you alone. Just tell her, your husband and your Mother what your wishes are. No discussion. The last thing anybody needs is extra stress in the delivery room.
2006-11-03 15:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by bumppo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your baby, it's your husband and it's your mom. If your mother in law isn't receptive to that, then unfortunately, that's too bad. I'm sure her mother in law wasn't there when she had her baby/s...
Just tell her nicely, the same way you have written the question to us.
take care and hope all goes well.
2006-11-03 13:23:19 · answer #7 · answered by gemma 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you can just leave it until the time comes. When you are in labour, you can tell her to leave the room and she wont be offended. You may change your mind when the time comes. Inmy experience, when I was in labour at that point the world could have been watching me, I didnt care and I am a private person, couldnt even nurse if I thought someone would see me.
2006-11-03 12:24:55 · answer #8 · answered by corinne_29_ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should allow her in there since you're allowing your mother in....
I do understand the difference between your mother and his...she's yours and you're comfortable BUT this may be an issue she feels hurt about forever... and it can effect your relationship with her...
If you're allowing your mother to be there I think you should allow his mother to be there... Otherwise just let everyone know that it will only be you and your husband.
It's really not a big deal..... if you're concerned with her "seeing" your "cookie", so to speak. Believe me....you won't care who see's WHAT when you're in that kind of pain. :o) Being able to witness the birth can truly create a bond between grandparent and grandchild. What is most important?
2006-11-03 10:50:36 · answer #9 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You can do whatever you want!!! Tell your mother-in-law, that you want it to be a private moment.
2006-11-03 11:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by mkupgrl0015 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋