Mother in law is jealous of my parents?

Question

My mother-in-law insists that the time we spend with my parents has to equal (or be less than) the time we spend with her.

If she finds out that we visited my parents three times a month but only twice with her and her husband, she spends ages guilting us about "choosing them over us". My father in law is rather indifferent.

Because my parents live within 10 minutes of us and the in-laws are an hour away, this seems a bit excessive.

I just know that this is only going to get worse when we have children. How can I put a stop to this now, but still be nice? All this aside, my mother in a law is a great woman and I like her very much.

Also, my mother-in-law regularly pressures us to move so that we are in a town that is located halfway between my parents and her (or into her town), even though this isn't convenient for any of our jobs.

My mother in law is in contact with my mother; they talk about once a week. I'm afraid that if I bad-mouth my mother or bring presents to my mother in law when I visit her, that my mother will feel hurt. I tried to tell my mother not to mention that we visited, but then I felt really petty and my mother was uncomfortable lying and completely didn't understand why I asked her to.

Answer 1

I hate to tell you this but there is nothing you can do your husband has to be the one to stand up and say enough. When I married my ex we went through this only he didn't stand up to his mom and she won we ended up living 5 minutes from her and and hour from my parents not to mention I had an hour drive to get back and forth to work. Your husband needs to explain to his mother that you love her just as much but you are staying where you are at because of your jobs not to be closer to one set of parents than the other and that although it may seem unfair just as he will always be close to her you and your mother also have a special bond and making you choice between them is only going to hurt everyone. Also tell them that although you can't make it up as often there is no reason they can't make the drive to come see you as well on the weekend or even for dinner somenight. If you say it she is going to play it as you taking her son away so he really needs to be the one doing the talking.

Answer 2

If you mother in law is not a horrible person, I think you must use tact to win her over completely. Perhaps she feels threatened by your parents. That's very common for mother in laws to be jealous of the "other side". The secret is to let her know she has nothing to be afraid of. Be extra nice to her, speak candidly about this problem, explain the practical implications to her, and assure her that you'll never put her aside in favor of your parents. If you go visit her, take small presents to make her feel special. Ask her opinion on matters. Give her compliments you know she would like. You can even play a bit of a Judas by "complaining" about your own mother to her, even if you have no reason to. Something like: "I wish my mother would stop asking when are we planning to get children." Or: "I wish my mother was more like you..." It will let her feel important and appreciated. If she gets such positive and loving responce from you she'll let go in time. I hope this helps!

Answer 3

It sounds like it might be a control issue with her...she doesn't want to feel cheated so she is trying to control your actions. Why not try having a heart-to-heart with her and make sure she understands that the only reason y'all see your parents more is the distance factor. Ask her what you can do to make her feel better about it...maybe make a "special" holiday just for her, once or twice a year, to make up for any time imbalance between families.

Answer 4

Tell the B to go F herself

Answer 5

I would just tell her that you only hang out with your parents when you are invited!! So then it will be your MIL's fault for not inviting you guys enough!! haha!! OR>....just don't tell her how much you see your parents....