tell us some rude jokes and rude rymes?

Question

Come on give some to make my day.

Answer 1

1.A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
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2.Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a p*ssy to their design.


First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
who sucked it and f*cked it, and called it a ****.
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3.On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.

Panic. Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.

Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.

Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.' 'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.'

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said 'My God. That was even tighter.

' That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.'
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4.On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl.

Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said, "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away".

Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time.

He went to Dr. Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said

"These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop chop. Amputation not necesally."

Joe was relieved.

Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."
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5.SAFETY TIPS FOR MEN WHO VISIT XXX WEBSITES

1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.

2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for participation in the LIVE sex show.

3. The fan in your computer's power supply is NOT a good place to cool your "heat of passion" (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience)

4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy "tickling the keys" with your manhood.

5. Semen IS electrically conductive.


SAFETY TIPS FOR WOMEN WHO VISIT XXX WEBSITES

1. No matter how big the guys Dick, on the screen, is; remember it's all done with smoke, mirrors, and a dildo. Don't bother drooling. And if you find yourself drooling remember to swallow, or spit whatever, often. Drool, on keyboards can cause shorts and is nasty to clean.

2. Plugging a dildo into the USB port will void the manufacturers warrantee.

3. To cool off your "heat of passion" take a shower and wash the sweat off your fat ***.

4. Keyboard cleaning kits do NOT work for sweaty, fat, chicks drool.

5. Vaginal juice is a very slippery substance; IF you spend a lot of time at XXX sites it is suggested you have a seat-belt installed on your computer chair and PLENTY of clean panties.
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6.The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him.

Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong.

He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles.

He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar.

Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"

The room stilled. There was a long pause...

The pope replied,

"First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex.

"Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.

"And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The pope smiled and replied, "Big t*ts."
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7.In a hotel room, Jim Morrison is in one corner with the rest of his band; in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Star - all are naked.

Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment then moves on to his guitarist, bassist, then his drummer and the keyboard player.

When she's finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him.

At that moment, there's a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and shouts







scroll down wait for it













































"Oi, you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!""
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8.Lady Diana and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St.Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.

St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."

St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Diana the same question. Diana drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Diana, you may go in. Have a nice day."

Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!"

"Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day."
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9.A young woman in New York City was severely depressed so she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said,

"Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,

"I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. This continued every night of the trip. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.

"I get food and a trip to Europe and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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10.A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ***!"

The rest is history.
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11.Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae s**t ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty
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12.


WARNING: CRACK CAN KILL

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/crackcankill.html
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13.Mike and Maureen landed on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asked if Mars had a stock market, if they had laptop computers, and how they made money, Finally, Maureen brought up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.

The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensued, and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night.

Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weeny member, about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen. "Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he said, and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.

"Well," she said, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."

"No problem," he said, and started pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grew wider and wider.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day, the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways.

As they walked along, Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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14.A woman was in bed having sex with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said, "Get your *** up and stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an ******* idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

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15.This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

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16.A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting sex from a nun."

The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."

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17.A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.

After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer. "Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
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18.An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score."

After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."
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19.A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
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20.An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"

All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation...and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
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21.A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
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22.The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.

One of the old villagers came up to him and said. "Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?"

The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking."

The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to f*ck 'em!"
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one more now

23.The first is Smurf Sex - This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you're blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex - This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex - You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom. The fourth kind is

Hallway Sex - This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, ‘F@CK YOU!’
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some pics:

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/elephant.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/sperm.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/tatoo/index.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/xray.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/fatgirls.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/cactus.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/deathbyviagra.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/animal_jokes/viagracartoon.html
http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rude_jokes/pictures/crackcankill.html
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a136/qazwert/funny.jpg
http://www.yourny.com/photos/data/506/10funny-057.jpg
http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/animals/pages/297.htm
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1238/Roland+McDonald+Gets+Shot%21
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1206/Bikini+Hippo
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1162/Strange+Tree
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1177/Rude+Birthday+Cake
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1198/Railcat

thats all
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Answer 2

There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Read here https://tr.im/t4Qyg

Here are some key steps to apply to your marriage:

- Start by understanding and being informed.

You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.

The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It's not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation ' information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.

Answer 3

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marajuana
Jack got high unzipped his fly and said " well do you wanna?"
Jill said yes, unsipped her dress they did the hanky panky
But stupid jill forgot her pill and out popped baby frankie



Oh


It was the 1st day of high school and as all the students were sitting, in came a late student,

Teacher: Why are you late,
Boy1: I had to make a stop on top of cherry hill
Teacher: Take your seat

About 15 minutes later another boy, looking very tired like he had ran a mile came in

Boy 2: Sorry Teach I was on top of cherry hill and lost track of time.
Teacher: Dont let it happen again!

About 15 minutes later another boy came in
Teacher: Where have you been, class is almost over
Boy: I was on cherry hill

5 Minutes before the bell rang a lonely girl came in, hair flustered, face blushed and looking very tired

Teacher: Well let me guess, were you on cherry hill too?
Girl: No, I am Cherry Hill

Answer 4

I'm fascinated by numerology. I strongly believe that numbers reflect certain aptitudes and character tendencies, as an integral part of the cosmic plan. Each letter has a numeric value that provides a related cosmic vibration. The sum of the numbers in your birth date and the sum of value derived from the letters in the name provide an interrelation of vibrations. These numbers show a great deal about character, purpose in life, what motivates, and where talents may lie.

To find out more about your numerology you can head over to this site http://numerology.toptips.org and ask for your personalized report (for free)

Answer 5

Penny stocks are loosely categorized companies with share prices of below $5 and with market caps of under $200 million. They are sometimes referred to as "the slot machines of the equity market" because of the money involved. There may be a good place for penny stocks in the portfolio of an experienced, advanced investor, however, if you follow this guide you will learn the most efficient strategies https://tr.im/e3f14

Answer 6

Mary had a lil lamb, She tied it to a pilon
She stuck 10,000 Volts up its bum
n turned it into nylon




Knock knock
who there
Adam
Adam WHO
Adam nusence come to borrow some sugar again





We willy winkie running throuh the town
Up street n down stree in his night gown
Along came a police man and put him under arrest
So never go out at night unles your fully dressed

Answer 7

Why do gorillas have big nostrills?
Coz they have big fingers

What's old, pink, wrinkly and belogns to grandpa?
Grandma

I have 2 noses, 3 eyes and only have 1 ear. What am I?
Very Ugly

Anne:I look as pretty as a flower.
Robert:Yes, a cauliflower.

"Mum! There's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folks' Home. Shall I give him Grandma?"

Romeo:"Some girls think I'm handsome, what do you think Sheila?
Sheila:A bit of both, pretty ugly.

Answer 8

There was a young man from Gwent, whos nob was incredibly bent...to save any trouble, he put it in double, but instead of coming he went
There was a young man named Bill, who invented a dynamite pill, his head perspired, his ar*e backfired and his nob flew over the hill

Answer 9

Bubba Died in a Fire
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes

Answer 10

there once was a man from Boston,who had a little Austin. Just room for his *** & a gallon of gas & his nuts hung out & he lost em!

Answer 11

there was a man from nantucket, whos dick was so long he could suck it, he sed with a grin wiping *** from his chin, if my ear was a c**t id f**k it.

sex is evil sex is a game, 9 minutes of pleasue 9 months of pain, babys a ba*s*ed, fathers a git, and all because the condom split.

sex is like maths, add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, multyply the orgasms.

i have loads of them lol