How to deal with a bossy mother in law?

Question

My mother in law and I barely get along. It got really bad after the birth of my baby.Every week when we are visiting her, she tries to take over caring for the baby. I work hard not to let her but its a stressful visit.I think backing off should be easy for her since she already raised her 3 babies. I want her to let me raise mine even when I'm at her house. When visiting with her she will say things to hubby and I when we are dealing with the baby. For example, on the side line I'll hear her saying, put his blanket on, get his bib, wear are his shoes, etc.She even commented that his shoes were too big and his outfit was not warm enough. She told us we needed to get him a walker about 50 times. I want her to shut up.I say something back to her everytime she says something that offends me but she's not getting the message. I don't even want to be around her with the baby if she's going to act this way.

Answer 1

correct her with your opinion each time she says something, she will get tired of pushing.

Answer 2

This is a tough one - and will continue to cause major friction for a long time.
How does your husband feel about it? Does he back you up when his mother says these things to you?
I would try getting your husband to approach her on her own (and not straight after there has been an incident) and tell her that she is undermining his and your parenting confidence, and that while you respect that she has raised three children - all children and parents have different ideas. He could also tell her that you would both like her as a resource and that you will ask for help if you are needing it.
Hope this gives you some ideas - it is tough because your husband will have really divided loyalties on this one.
P.S. You might want to point out to her that baby walkers are no longer recomended as they delay walking (because they walk on their toes in a walker) and they are a major cause of head injury in children.

Answer 3

Well, this woman isn't your mom! And your no longer a child. So it's time for you to stand up on your own 2 feet and tell her to STOP.

She may seem like she's being over the top, but you also have to stop and realize, she's already been a mom, and most of us that have, are trying to show your our own motherly instincts instead of keeping our mouths shut.

Try not going and seeing her every week!! IF she asks why, tell her how she's making you feel. ASLO so, let her know, if she really thinks you need a walker, to stop saying it and buy you one!!

If this causes bad feelings with hubby, remind him that you married him, not your mother and it's your turn to do the mothering.

Answer 4

next time you visit her leave the baby with someone else.
when she asks why the baby is not there tell her you left him/her with someone else so that she couldnt complain about how you look after the child and that you feel a place with such a bad atmosphere isnt good for the baby.

do this a couple of times she will soon get the message if she wants to see the baby to keep her mouth shut.

or better still dont go and se her at all for a while either wa will work im sure.

Answer 5

My ex mother-in-law was the same way. Every time she opened her mouth I had to tell her that the way I was raising my kids were none of her business. When I had my second child, things with her got worse. So one day while visiting, I blew up, dressed my two kids up, marched them to the door and told my ex mother-in-law that she'd never see them again until 1) she apologized for being an overbearing busy-body and 2) she kept her mouth shut when it came to the way I was mothering my kids. I only kept the kids away for 3 weeks before she broke down and called to apologize.

Then I didn't have to worry about it, when the second one was 14 months old, hubby and I broke up and his mom only seen them about 24 hours once a year.

But definitely take a stand with her, and if you have to go to extreme measures, then do so. This is your child and although I'm sure she means well, it's still not her place to tell you how to raise your child.

Answer 6

Girl I had that same problem and they are always going to be like that. The best thing to do is just ignore her and you do what you feel is right no matter what she says. Someone is always going to say something on how to raise your child, but the only one that knows best is the mother because you are with that child everyday and you have to bond with the baby. So dont you worry about her or anyone else that tries to say something.

Answer 7

Your mother in law's reactions are pretty normal for in laws. Fact: mother in laws ALWAYS interfere, from small things to big ones. I want to tell you to limit your visit to minimize your agony but that is not fair to your hubby. So the best thing to do is, dance along in one of her 10 wishes but be firm in what you believe is the right thing to do in raising your child. Just dont mind her reminders at times. She may think that she has raised 3 children and thinks she is a pro in raising kids. Respect her idea to keep the peace. Good luck!

Answer 8

Why isn't your husband dealing with this? It is his mother. Tell him how you feel about paying her for nothing and say he MUST do something about it. It is a difficult situation and he is pushing it off on you as most men do. If he does nothing, then hire someone to do the job and give your mother in law a two weeks notice.

Answer 9

OK first things first...it is your child. are you and your husband a united front? if yes then this is what you need to do. smile, tell her you appreciate her advice but you want to learn how to parent on your own, she wouldn't want you to miss out on the wonderful experience of raising a child...making little mistake here and there is a huge part of parenting. when she offers advice smile and say, WE will consider that. unfortunately the woman isn't going anywhere any time soon so don't let her get to you...allow her to have her opinion...

as a side note...about the walker and the 50 times mention of it...allow me to share a bit of knowledge on that topic you can share with her.... studies have proven that crawling and brain activity are connected...the longer a child crawls the stronger their reading comprehension is...its true...educate yourself on these things and when she offers advice be ready to use your own knowledge to help educate her...

if things get too nuts sit her down and tell her how you are feeling...but remember you are in a VERY hormonal state right now..keep this in mind and don't do or say anything you may regret later...

Answer 10

try talking 2 ur hubby bout it all
if he cant do owt, then try 2 talk 2 her, itll help u 2 get a lot of stress off
jus tell her as calmly as possible that u wanna bring up ur own baby, no matter where u are
or get ur hubby 2 try and talk 2 her
or maybe both of u could tlk 2 her, and try and make her understand

Answer 11

First and foremost respect her shes your husbands Mother, and being a Grandmother myself, she is trying to help, let her, I know you can't understand her but someday you will when you are a Grandmother. if it really bothers you have your hubby take the baby and visit her and you stay home and have a few hours to yourself.