How do i tell my mum?

Question

last night my bf asked me to marry him and because i no it is true love i said yes even tho we have only been together for 6 months. we live together but my mum doesnt like him scince i moved in with him how do i tell her that we are engaged?i no this is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and we were really good friends before w got together. i love every little thing about him (even his snoring that keeps me awake at night)everything i wouldnt change a thing about him and it was only when i moved out of my mums she started to not like him before then she loved him as she said he was a proper gentleman and she hadnt seen me so happy for years.so now that she dont like him how do i tell her as she can be violent and agressive and i dont want her to giveme aload of abuse i was thinking of writing her a letter to tell her so she can read it as i will find it easier to explain things to her like that as she wont be constantly interupting me and then and see what happens

do you think this is a good idea? also my bf actually asked me last night sorry i went a bit wrong up at the top.
just to make sure that you understand my mum can be very violent she has hit me in the past and im scared she will do now also she does say very hurtful things.
and my bf is the best he has helped me get out of self harming and has helped me deal with the greif of looseing my brother and granddad in the space of 2 months i this happened 2yrs ago and i couldnt greive when i lived with my mum as her greif came 1st. he treats me so well i no i am so lucky to have him he cares so much he treats me to whetever he can afford when he can but he does it atleast once a week and hge wont have anyone upsetting me and he has never ever said anything nasty to me or ever hurt me in any way even when iv been upset and took it out on him. he is so speicail i just wish my mum could see it.

Answer 1

I feel bad for you that this is so hard. Best advice would be to take your Mum out to a public place where she is less likely to act up. Alternatively, write something down and send it to her. Good luck, and hope u have a v. happy marriage!

Answer 2

paintball...Mothers are confusing people, first they like something then they don't. It is problem that your mother feels that she has lost her daughter, son and father all to closely together. Therefore has to grieve yet again, she is probably confused as to why you want to move out of the family house and life with your boyfriend. But show her that you still care, visit the house as much as you can with and without your boyfriend, send her cards and a few flowers now and again, make her feel special as she was in the past. Most of all tell your mother that you love her very much. I know that your mother can be abusive but the above can possibly calm the waters, The worst thing you can do its tell her about the engagement just now. Talk to your boyfriend about the difficulties you are going through and although you have not changed your mind, you would like to wait a little while longer if he caring and understanding as you say, he will not mind. I urge you to take this slowly but keeping in mind what it is YOU want, Good luck in the furture.paintball...

PS, My wife uses cotton wool in her ears to cut down my snoring.

Answer 3

Congratulations!! I had this problem with my first boyfriend we had been together for nearly 2 years and my mum hated him but with good reason, anyway we got engaged it took nearly 2 weeks to pluck up the courage to tell my mum, she would never of hit me or been abusive to me but I knew she wouldn't be happy, and she wasn't she wouldn't speak to me for about a week. The best thing to do is just go and tell her take your boyfriend with you in case she does get aggressive and if you cant get a word in edgeways then try the letter. It should be a happy time for you so don't let her ruin it. Its sounds like your mum maybe jealous of your boyfriend because she sees him as having taken you away from her, try going out for the day and spend sometime altogether. There is no excuse for violence though so be careful and the very best of luck to you for the future :o)

Answer 4

my mum would be like that too , short fused temple . My sister used to fight with her almost all the time when they were staying togerther . My sister gave up on her long time ago when they have a really big fights that involve the police . My sister moved out and became independent . Even when she got married , my mum was not informed cuz my sister said that now she is having a peaceful life without the drama . My sister could not tolerate her verbel abuse .

Answer 5

I would definately try the letter idea, try saying you need to understand what her misgivings about your bf are exactly (that way you might be able to answer them). She could be reacting angrily because she may feel that by you moving in with him she is losing you as well! Try re-assuring her that this is not the case. Your bf sounds like such a nice guy - maybe your mum only needs time to come to terms with this. Hope you are happy with your bf for a long time to come. All the best.

Answer 6

What we always want from our parents is their approval of whoever we move with. This is important since when you marry you are marrying the family of the male's end and the female's end. So most of the time it is advised that you should seek the approval of your parents when you intend keeping that relationship for life.

However your happiness also counts very much. Since you are going to stay with the person for life. So whoever you move with you should be comfortable with the person and you should be in love with the person.

In the case of you mother you did say that when you were with her she did love the boy but since you moved to stay with the guy without him performing the required ceremony i am sure that was what grieved her.

But now that he is coming to do what she expected of him, I don't think she will be voilent in this situation.

So I think inorder to show respect rather go in person and explain things to her. She is human and I believe she has you happiness at heart so she will accept you back as her daughter.

I wish you all the luck in all you will be doing and in your marriage.

Answer 7

you need to tell her either in person or on the phone. maybe what she didn't like was the fact that you moved in together but now that you are engaged, she might change her mind. when you call or see her, let her know by your voice and actions how happy you are that the two of you are commited and tell her you hope she will be happy for you.

good luck and if she can't come around, your new husband is you main focus now, not your Mom.

Answer 8

you have done the right thing by moving out of your mom's and living with the man you love

if you are scared that you mom wll over react or be violent on you, dont tell her when you two are alone.

you can tell her on the phone, or you can invite her and a few other close friends for dinner and you & your bf can annouce it to all of them (she cant hit you in front of other people)

you dont have to explain to her anymore what you are doing. she gave you enough troubles, but that was the past. you are with the man you deserve to be with and if you mom cant be happy for you, its her problem.

just announce it and if she gets violent or agressive just stand up to her and tell her - MOM, I AM HAPPY AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, THEN LEAVE.

good luck girl and dont let her get you down ok !!

Answer 9

congratulations, i had the same kinda thing but i was 16.
My mum was physically and mentally abusive and i had been with m bf since i was 12, when i was 16 he asked me to marry him and i said yes, and moved out at 16 as soon as i did she became abusive calling me all sorts of things to be honest i love my mum with all my heart, but im 21 and i havent seen her since i moved out, she missed out on the best years of my life also 2 beautiful granchildren . I truly wish you the best but remember only you can decide what is right for you in your life!
if you need any advice? send me a message or add me!

Answer 10

tell her over the phone that way she cant hit u ...
in all seriousness your mother has a problem is actually driving u away ...
u seem happy enough its your life u live it how u want to ... tell your mother if shes violent towards u any more u will report her to the police and do it ... its not right for her to behave this way ... if a stranger hit u, u wouldn't put up with it so why put up with it from your mum ??
good luck for the future!!