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my father was an alcoholic and did'nt come home for days sleeping around, i watched my mum cry alot as i grew up but at the age of 12 they seperated. i think i was affected and ended up being abused by an old man. one day when my father took me away for a weekend he asked to feel my brest. so at 15 i thought this as abuse, my mum found out but thought it was more serious and i lied which as a result have been living a lie for 15 years. and i feel so bad and the guilt is eating me up. my dad did beat my mum, and i have heard he tried to rape a woman i don't know how true this is.. i don't know why i said yes to my mum i have tried to tell my mum it is not true but she goes absolutly mad and i hate to see her like that, at the moment i feel just like writing out the truth and disappearing. my younger brother is keeping in contact with him which hurts my mum and stepfather. please help me should i just tell my dad the truth

2006-11-02 22:01:45 · 12 answers · asked by mary b 1 in Family & Relationships Family

12 answers

If I understand you, at age 15 your dad ask to touch your breast. Honey that was so wrong of your dad. It is abuse.
What did you say YES to, to your mother?.....That more than just him touching your breast happened??
What is it you need to tell your dad the truth about?

2006-11-02 22:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Sandra♥ 5 · 1 0

My dear, if your father asked to feel your breast when you were 15, it's called Child Molesting. Yes, it is child abuse.

Whether or not he physically had sex with you does not change that.

Whatever he may have done to other women is imaterial. If you chose to tell the truth, it will be a difficult choice but it will be the right thing to do. Instead of writing telling her that your dad did not do anything (because he actually did!) start off by telling her how you felt growing up, watching him hit her, how angry it made you, and that as an adult now, there are things you need to clarify, because you know that the full truth is better, even if late, than living with a lie forever.

You have to unfortunately be prepared for her reaction if you make this choice. You may find that you are able to go one step further and write to your dad, letting him know the same thing. I would pray and ask God to help you to forgive him and help you to forgive yourself. Unfortunately children do sometimes lie and as adult as 15 year olds feel, they are still that - children.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, what you did was wrong, and yes, as an adult I would encourage you to clean your heart and do some forgiving and some mending of bridges, but you must be prepared for your mom's reaction - she may not forgive you, and she may do, only time will tell. You will have to give her time to digest what you tell her, and be very gentle, as this is part of the healing process. Disappearing won't help. As a child, you fled from the truth. As an adult, don't flee from the opportunity to grow that this will give you, however difficult. You CAN push through!

I hope you will find it in your heart to go forward, bravely, and that you will finally be able to put this behind you. Good luck.

2006-11-03 06:11:03 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0 0

I'm confused. Did he feel your breast, or was that all a lie?

IF he did, IT IS abuse! No reason to let him off for doing that. IF he really felt your breast, and you only heard rumors about him rapeing a woman, it's probably true. IF he can touch you, he thinks he can touch anyone he wants.

IF your lieing about him touching your breast, then you need to come clean first with your mother, so she understands all the pain she has had, by trying to be the protector.
Then, go ahead and tell old drunk dad, your sorry.

2006-11-03 06:54:29 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0 0

You were abused. If your father asked to see your breasts then that is sexual abuse most definitely. So what did you lie about? That in itself, having your father ask that, is enough to traumatise anyone for life! Did you add things to your story because you felt it didn't sound 'bad enough'...well if thats the case y ou didn't need to as what happened to you was entirely wrong and I think you made the right decision to stay away from him anyway. You need to see a professional to talk these things through but remember you have been through a hard time and things have happened to you that shouldn't have, hang in there.

2006-11-03 06:10:12 · answer #4 · answered by T 3 · 0 0

Your Mother has moved on, probably for the better. That is why she doesn't want to hear it. She is is still mad at your dad and probably uses your story as an excuse.

You are a victim. It is not your fault.
You need someone to talk to who knows about abuse.

If you don't get help you will probably be a victim again and again.

2006-11-03 06:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by Red 5 · 0 0

I am confused as to who abused you, the older man or your father? In any case the truth is the only way to go. You will feel much better and it is the right thing to do.

2006-11-03 06:06:42 · answer #6 · answered by perrisgal 3 · 0 0

my dad was an alcholic to he also beat my mum up and me and my sisters i have 2 he did touch my older sister up too. my mum chucked him out when i was 3 he left alot of pain but im 17 know and still miss him as well hes my dad you no i havent seen him since i was 3 i have no idea what he looks like or who he is anymore all i no is his name is kevin reed jones my mum took him to court when i was 3 and got full custody of me and my sisters if i was you i would appologise to your dad and try to make him understand that you were hurting and just wanted to hurt him back i hope this helps if you wanna chat................

kazmarianjones@yahoo.com

2006-11-03 06:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by Karen J 2 · 0 0

i dont understand how did you lie you.
your father asked to touch your breast that is wrong and is abuse.
if this is what you told your mum then how did you lie.
your mum probably feels like your trying to protect or defend your father and what he did that is why she gets so mad.

2006-11-03 13:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 0 0

this has become a common problem in our society, which I do not condone. what should you do, first join a support group of others in your same situation,. bring all of the facts to the surface and face them head on with your support group. other than this, the only thing that will put this out of your conscious mind is time.

2006-11-03 06:18:59 · answer #9 · answered by jh452004 2 · 0 0

Your own father asked to feel your breast and you feel you lied about him abusing you? Why do you feel you lied? I must say, I don't quite understand.

2006-11-03 06:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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