How do i tell my mum?

Question

tonight my bf asked me to marry him and because i no it is true love i said yes even tho we have only been together for 6 months. we live together but my mum doesnt like him scince i moved in with him how do i tell her that we are engaged?i no this is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and we were really good friends before w got together. i love every little thing about him (even his snoring that keeps me awake at night)everything i wouldnt change a thing about him and it was only when i moved out of my mums she started to not like him before then she loved him as she said he was a proper gentleman and she hadnt seen me so happy for years.so now that she dont like him how do i tell her as she can be violent and agressive and i dont want her to giveme aload of abuse i was thinking of writing her a letter to tell her so she can read it as i will find it easier to explain things to her like that as she wont be constantly interupting me and then wait and see what happens

do you think this is a good idea? also my bf actually asked me last night sorry i went a bit wrong up at the top.

thanks to everyone so far but just to make sure that you understand my mum can be very violent she has hit me in the past and im scared she will do now also she does say very hurtful things.
and my bf is the best he has helped me get out of self harming and has helped me deal with the greif of looseing my brother and granddad in the space of 2 months i this happened 2yrs ago and i couldnt greive when i lived with my mum as her greif came 1st. he treats me so well i no i am so lucky to have him he cares so much he treats me to whetever he can afford when he can but he does it atleast once a week and hge wont have anyone upsetting me and he has never ever said anything nasty to me or ever hurt me in any way even when iv been upset and took it out on him. he is so speicail i just wish my mum could see it.

Answer 1

you only get one mum, but that doesn't give her the right to make you feel uncomfortable about the person you have chosen to be with. Make sure you tell her as soon as possible you don't want her to hear it from someone else. Be calm though and don't over justify yourself. Good luck x

Answer 2

i don't want to sound mean when i say this but this is not something we can help you with, first off your mum has a violent past and does not like your man, you want to get married, so what i suggest is, when she's in a good mood go round and flash that rock at her, and hope that she's happy about it.. she may go nuts but she may be happy, failing that....the only thing you can do is keep her at arms length until she's used to the fact that you have a life with your fella, don't tell her unless you are 100% sure she'll be OK....wait another few months, she prolly thinks you have both jumped into the relationship too soon, but this is a matter for you and your man sweetie....just stall the good news for a little while longer, if your not living at home any more then i cant see why she would be angry with you, it's your life....you and your fella should sort this out, if you feel that she'll go nuts then don't tell her until you think the times right....

Answer 3

Well congratulations my dear. I think that you have to try and understand your mother's point of view. All mothers want the best for their children and above all else their happiness. However as a parent this is offset by an internal drive to keep your child close to you and protect them. That maternal urge is very strong, and she probably fears losing you, or losing some of the time she spends with you to this wonderful man.

In your case it could also be that she feels some guilt for things that have gone on between you in the past, this will only increase her fear of losing you. She may also fear your partner's opinion of her if he is aware of the negative things that have gone on between you also.

I think that a letter might be a good idea, but I think even better would be for you and your partner to ask her out somewhere, maybe for dinner somewhere quiet and intimate and break the news to her. Going out is a good option because she can not behave in an inappropriate way in public, and also you have a reason to celebrate so why not do it in style?

You should both re assure her that your marriage will not mean that she sees less of you, and that if she wishes you to be happy she should support it. Tell her you want her to be involved in your wedding perhaps, let her feel a part of your happiness and she will naturally see it as something good. Let your happiness direct your actions into good will. If you share your happiness only good things can come of it.

best wishes

S
x

Answer 4

I agree with Hermione....this is the type of news that no mother wants to read in a letter from her child, even if she doesn't like your boyfriend, I'm sure she loves you, and she deserves to be told in person. Maybe tell her in a public place - go out for a coffee together or something. Then if she is going to be upset there are people around you, and you can politely excuse yourself after telling her and walk away until she calms down? Good luck.

Answer 5

Your mother is holding on to her little girl. I hope you are a grown woman and not 17 or 18. At some point you will have to confront your mother on all serious issues, one being her violent nature, two being your independence *** a woman. You have to set boundaries for yourself and other people. It is not easy sometimes but must be done. When two people get married they become the most important people to each other in life. Your husband will become #1 in your life and your mother may be afraid of that because she may believe she is #1 right now. As a parent myself I found that I must give my children a strong foundation for life experinces and wings to fly when the time comes. I have learned I can not choose when the time is for them to fly. I can only influence their decision. I dont believe your mom has learned this lesson as a parent. Help her to understand the concept. And yes tell her you are getting married

Answer 6

I do not know how old you are, but , you have to live for yourself and be happy. If you are a minor and your mom is concerned about that it is different. In any event , your mother should not be abusive . I think if you tell her face to face it is better, but do not do it alone. Take a friend or your boyfriend, so you may feel that she would not be so aggressive towards you. Maybe once she realizes that you are happy and that your boyfriend is a good person, then maybe she will be alright with your decision.

Answer 7

If you mom can get aggressive and you really don't want to get into a tongue twister with her, then I think a letter is a very good idea. It keeps her in the loop, but at enough distance to make the least damage. The worst thing is having the best news and not being able to share it!

Do it immediately. It would not be nice if she were to find out through someone.

Answer 8

only response I can give to your question is You must live your life for you and if you Like your life then who cares what anyone else thinks. You have nothing to prove to any one and that includes your Mom/ DAD or whatever other family member out that is objectionable to your living situation or future marital status.

It's no ones business what you do or whom you do it with either.

Your present situation with your MOM sounds to me that it's very volitle and abusive. Hitting someone is abuse or better known as domestic battery and is punishble in a court of law. Don't set yourself up by putting yourself in a situation that could be harmful to you physically.

Put some distance between yourself and your MOM!

Answer 9

The best thing for you to do is that you and your bf should go to your mom's house and let your bf tell your mom that he has already asked you for marriage. Let him do the talking with you right beside him. So that whatever violent reactions your mother will show, both you and your bf are facing it together. Isn't that what love is for? :-)

Answer 10

you and your boyfriend should talk to your mum dont do it on your own. before i got married to my husband two weeks before my mum was not happy at all ,didnt want it to happen ,but when you have a good man like i do you will nt and should not let people tell you what to do .what age are you i fought hard for myself you need to stand up to your mum and tell her that you love your man and you are happy and that you want her to be happ for you.have you make the choices in your life . both sit down and talk and tell her how you feel about how she treats you and if you dont want to go on your own take your boyfriend good luck