How can I deal with this myself ?

Question

My Mom's not well.
She has crippling arthritis. She has had it since I can remember. (I'm 19) However she also has a very very bad back. She has had several operations in the past 15 or so years, including a Spinal Fusion. However, lately due to the arthritis she has grown increasingly worse. It takes her 3 minutes to get out of the car.
She has been told that she now has 3 options.

- Continue getting injections into her spine. (These only give about 2 weeks of relief)
- Epidural (these are very painful and last just 3 weeks) or
- Surgery on the plates which are trapping the nerves in her back (This is very serious surgey which could lead to paralysis)

I try to be supportive. My father is doing his best too, however I also have medical problems which I am finding difficult to come to terms with.
I am really worried about everything.
I don't want to talk to anyone as I am the type of person who bottles everything up and deals with one thing at a time, but this is really....

getting to me. I nearly broke down on the bus on the way to college.
How do you decide between painful injections which last a week or so and serious surgery which could lead to paralysis. ??

Answer 1

That cant be easy to deal with at all! especially because it is someone you care a lot about. You MUST learn to not bottle up your feelings! It's not healthy. speak to your mom and tell her how you feel and that you are scared for her, if you are feeling this way, imagine how she feels! Just be there for your mum no matter what. go see other doctors that can give her a second opinion. Hang in there, GOD has a plan for us all!!! I pray that your mom finds the best solution and gets well soon!

Answer 2

I am very sorry for you and your mother. Also I have some what of an idea of what your father is going through. I have what sounds like your mothers disease. I'm a diabetic and the option of surgery of any kind is out of the question. I get infection very easy and it takes months to heal. I have steroids injected along my spine but the injections last several months. Has your mother got a second opinion and has she checked out other injections. Your father is going through a lot being a care giver. It's you I worry about. It must be very hard being 19 and having health problems. I wish you would have said what you have. You need to talk to your doctor and let him know that all of this is getting the best of you. He can refer you to resources that are available to you and your father. He certainly needs some respite help. Don't keep it bottled up. Ask for help. You sound like a sweet girl and I wish I could be of more help. Their are agency's in your community that can help.

Answer 3

As hard as this is going to sound to such a caring person, as you clearly are;you need at the moment to be looking after yourself. You need to give yourself a break from the worries of your mum. After all, if you're not feeling good then how can you be of help to her?

Take the time each day to do something nice for yourself....it may sound selfish but it isn't. You need to make sure you don't go under with all the pressure.

Try to remember that your mum and dad are adults and they are able to make these decisions. You can be there to support whatever they decide.

The thing is it's always sensitive people who do the worrying and caring yet they're probably the ones who will be most affected by the stress of it.

Are you able to take a short break away?

Make sure that your mum has all the information she needs in front of her to make her decision...beyond that there's not much you can do really.

You need to put some balance in your life.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Wow kiddo, you have a lot on your plate right now. This is not easy stuff for a middle-aged person with elderly parents to deal with, let alone a young adult like yourself.

It's ok to be confused, scared, sad, depressed... all of it...any one would be in your situation. It's hard to focus on yourself when your world (your parent) is falling apart, or so it must seem.

The first thing you need to do is find someone who can help support you... so that you can take care of yourself and support your parents.

You mentioned you are in school. Is there a school counselor, social worker, or chaplain you can talk to? Do you have a family doctor that can link you to someone who you can talk to? Do you have a church or community centre that you can contact for support.

Speaking as someone who has multiple serious health concerns (since I was 12 - now 34), I learned the hard way that you have to take care of yourself first, before you can really take care of any one else.

Your mother is going through an awesomely difficult time, and perhaps she feels just as lost as you do. I don't know where you live or what resources you can hook up with, I'm in Canada, and our Health Care system is very unique in that all these services are provided for us. Your mother's health may be worsening but she needs to get all the information she can before making such a difficult decision regarding surgery. Is there a way to get a second opinion?

The only other thing I can think of to say is to remember to BE HONEST. Try to talk to your parents about your concerns, are you taking on unnecesary burdens because you feel they count on you more than they do? They are your parents after all, and they should be dialed in to your needs and fears, your concerns and dreams. It's hard when illness takes so much away from the people we love.

Hope you can find some support for yourself and your family... don't be afraid to talk to people about your reality. My college profs were very understanding about deadlines and attendance after I clued them in. Hopefully you can find what you need.

With all the best hope and prayers in my heart...

Answer 5

If your talking about steroid injections I don't understand how they are painful. I get them in my neck(C-spine). The doctor uses concious sedation(short term). I've never had a bad experience having those.I too have had a fusion done and it sounds like your mom is due. Narcotics don't work on nerve pain well at all(experience..lol). Sounds like we both need to see pain specialists..lol. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 6

I'm really sorry for you and I wish I could be of more help - all I can do is advise you and your Mum to be brave - personally I would go for the surgery, maybe it's worth getting other medical opinions to see if there are other options - sorry again I know this doesn't help really

Answer 7

This is not something that you have to deal with yourself and I would suggest that you avail yourself of the counseling services at the college you attend. These are usually free to students and our under used by them so getting an appointment is usually not an issue.

Best of Luck to you!!!

Answer 8

either way its your mom's desision,,what to do with her body. as well as it is with you about your health..and certainly all the strees that had built up around u lately is taking its toll..u need to see your doctor to see what he sugesst for you now with your emotions,,cuz it can deal bad with your health,,and if your not around, then you can help,,so if ur doctor sugest seeing a councelor and some meds,,plz take care of ur self

Answer 9

I would avoid the surgery just because the risk is so high. I would stick with the alternative options. Maybe yoga will help out? I hope you and your mom make it out okay!