I went down the shops yesterday for about 45 minutes and left my 10 year old alone....?

Question

...do you think that's ok?

It was early evening and he was parked in front of the tv. I left my mobile number for him in case there was a problem and told him exactly when I'd get back.

He was quite happy to be left and not worried at all.

I'd be happy to hear what other parents think about this? However, if you disagree, please don't be rude - I am far from being irresponsible, but I would be genuinely interested in your views.

What age do you think it's acceptable to leave kids for short periods? My view is that at some stage you have to give them a bit of independance, a little bit at a time. But do you think 10 is TOO soon.

(BTW: this is the first time he has ever been left).

Can I just say that I'm in the UK - there isn't any legal age when you can leave a child alone. It's entirely parental discretion. However, it is an offence to leave them if that would cause suffering in some way.

Julia E - I take your point, but you're wrong, I'm afraid. The law in this country does not specify any minimum age when a child can be left alone - although I think there should be. Check out the NSPCC website. This is why this is such a confusing issue for parents - it's up to us to decide.

Answer 1

This is a hard one to call. Stop feeling guilty first of all, you are, I am sure, a very good, kind and loving mother. My eldest is nearly 8, the shop is 2 minutes from my house and yes there have been times I have wanted to just 'pop' to the shop, but with a 2 year old as well, there is no way I could leave them. At 10, he is older and wiser no doubt and you did all the right things before leaving him. As I am sure a lot of 30+ year olds will remember, we all seemed to have a lot more freedom to play, to be left alone etc. It's a very good question, but I don't know the answer, sorry. What age can we leave them alone? What age can we stop wrapping them up in cotton wool, and just let them have a little more trust and responsibility? If you get the right answer mail me! I wish I knew. What age do you let them go to the shop themselves!? the list is endless isn't it and as responsible, loving and caring parents I don't think we'll ever get the answers we need, or the reassurance we seek. However, what always makes me shudder is when I was little, about 7. The neighbour opposite us, popped to the shop for about 15/20 mins, leaving her kids apparantly 'safe'; in just that time her 3 yr old, who had been left with 2 other older siblings, the eldest age 11, decided to use the matches he found in the kitchen and set fire to the curtains. The house was an inferno in minutes, all the kids were safe and got out with the help of other neighbours, but i can still remember that woman screaming and hugging her kids when she got back and saw the fire engines and her windows blowing out at her house!!! The house was wrecked, but fortunately everyone was safe and well. Sad but true. So I guess, we all have to think about it very carefully.

Answer 2

I do not think that 45 minutes is too long at all. At age 10, believe it or not, schools start giving tons of homework/study etc etc. And it may be necessary for you to leave him home so he can get his work done while you attend the store/shopping.

I would first ask if he wants to go with you of course, and call once or twice to make sure he is behaving. I think the first time I was left alone, I was also 9-10 and my parents went to go get a pizza.
45minutes or even an hour isn't that bad. Especially in terms of 'two television shows'.

I would imagine he didn't even leave the spot he was sitting in much.

But of course, if you were to live in a sort of rough neighborhood (which I would assume you, in particular, do not) then I would wait till older.

By the way, I am not a parent but am an 18 year old with a 2 week old brother and a 2 year old sister (and a 17 year old brother as well)

Answer 3

Personally I don't think I could leave a 10 year old alone in the house at all, I would be to worried they would get into trouble somehow, for example start playing with matches. But this is only my opinion, my son is 2 so I have no experience of a 10 year old. I guess you know you child more than anyone else and at the end of the day it is your risk. Maybe when my son is 10 I would feel different but I can't imagine it. I do remember I had a key to my house when I was still at primary school so I can't have been much older myself, and I never got into trouble. My parents both worked and they got home an hour or 2 after me. I guess each family is different and only you can judge the maturity of your own son.

Answer 4

It’s a lot of Political Correctness over here and instituted by the liberal left that would rather abort a child than leave one at home alone. It is popular over here now days to refuse instincts and use illogical inconsistencies. For instance over here they give almost every kid an award in school because they think it will hurt his self-esteem to compete and not win.

I can tell you this... by the age of 10, I walked (or rode a bicycle) to and from school, to and from a shopping center, to and from a grocery store, stayed in the house alone or with friends over, went back to school and played in the schoolyard after school. Both my parents worked and seldom would I have to call them on the phone.

Today, my daughter has a boy at that age and she freaked out when I left him in a grocery store on one isle while I was on another. I doubt if crime or molestations are any worse today that it was long ago, but just more newsworthy.

No, I don’t think you did anything wrong. I would make it a point for him not to be alone with friends and not allowed to do anything that might be dangerous when you’re not around such as cook.

Ten is not too young for short trips like you did of 45 minutes. I think 2 hours would be pushing it even if you called him every thirty minutes. By the age of 12 he should be able to be left alone most of the day.

I would be sure that he understood that he would never be punished if he did something wrong while you were away as long as he called you and let you know what he did. Sometimes kids do stupid things and as a result they try to cover it up sometimes making it worse than it was.

Answer 5

For such a short period I don't think what you did was a massive problem but I wouldn't do it again just yet and bear in mind it isn't legal to leave your child unsupervised (do think it might be even older than 12) and I know if you were getting a babysitter they have to be over 14 to be left in charge. I would be sure he knows what to do if someone comes to the door etc... and (as happened with my nephew once) make sure he's not prey to so-called mates finding out you're not there (even for a little while) and then crashing the place!!

I think it's invaluble to start teaching children responsibities in lots of ways gradually from an early age as I know it's a cliche but its true that if you coddle and tighten the reins too much they'll only rebel. I think it's good you're aware of this and doubt very much you're an irresponsible parent!! I'm sure you're aware there are many who wouldn't have even thought twice about it all!! If you talk to him about it all I think he'll respect you more for caring that he has his 'own life' and space.

I have a son and my mind goes loopy over what's best to do with so many things! I can see myself coming on here many times over the next few years for advice!!

Good luck!! :-D

Answer 6

As you have already stated there is no law in the UK stating the age a child has to be before being left unattended. I think it was fine for you to leave your son for a short while. You know your son best and felt you were able to trust him on his own. Me and my sister were left at home around that age while our Mum popped out. She always told our neighbour and if we had any problems we could knock on her door. I don't think 10 is too soon to be left alone for an hour or so. Anything longer I would get a babysitter especially in the evening.

Answer 7

Contrary to popular belief, there is no true minimum age for when kids can be left alone (Obviously we're not talking infant or toddler age here, folks.) --12 is just a general guideline. It depends on the child and their own maturity level. It depends on how long they were left and how they were left, etc... I've seen cases reported about 8 -10 year olds left alone for an hour or so have nothing done and I've seen Social Services step in for other children around the same age.

It sounds you were very responsible on how you left him. You said this was early evening? I hope still daylight...kids can get scared easily during the dark.

Answer 8

Make sure your son knows all the rules i.e. no cooking not even the microwave, don't open the door to anyone if they belong here they have a key and can open it themselves, if the telephone rings either don't answer or tell the caller "My mom can't come to the phone she is in the shower.", If you choose to answer the phone you have permission hang up on ANYONE who makes you feel uncomfotable (even a grandparent, mom or dads boss, the priest or pastor etc.)

While i think 45 minutes is a bit long for a first time 10 is not too young, make a goal to start going out even if its for a drive to park down the block for increasing lengths of time work up to a couple hours with 1-2 phone check ins (he has to call so you know he is paying attention to the progress of time).... You want him to be comfortable to stay alone for a few hours by about age 12-13 so work up to it slowly...

Leave your cell number, the number of a friend or relative who lives nearby, and make sure your child knows what to do in case of various emergencies (fire, someone trying to break in, injury ) Make sure he feels comfortable with the rules and with being left alone and do it..

Answer 9

i wouldn't leave a ten year old alone, you never know what is going to happen. i think it may be a little worrying for him too. how many of us adults sat there alone and thought we have herd a noise and been a little worried? so how must a ten year old feel. i think the way this world is at the moment nobody is safe. i do think it does depend on the child as well and if you know he will be OK then its your choice. if you had to do it again not that i would recommend it, let a neighbour know your not there and tell your son he can go there if he is worried also tell her when your back that way if anything does happen somebody knows your ten your old is at home alone. A another way to look at it is, would you have sent him out for that long alone that time of the day? if no then why leave him at home.

Answer 10

Actually the age depends upon the state you live in if you live in the states. Ages for kids being left home alone for ANY amount of time varies. When my daughter was about 10 she would get home from school before I got home from work, she was usually home alone for about an hour. She had all the numbers as well as the neighbor's numbers. Then she got interested in some afterschool activities so she was no longer left alone. I would never go out shopping and leave her alone though.