Are there any ministers or preachers out there?

Question

I was wondering why so many people in a congregation get remarried after divorce if it is wrong? Here is a little about my story. After years of childhood abuse and teen abuse from many different individuals, I met my husband and got married. We were married fro 11 years. We had one son. During our marriage there was abuse both physical and mental on both sides. After going into the hospital for approximately 2 months due to stress I decided enough was enough, after one particuliar physical encounter I called the police and we seperated. We both dated others while seperated and we ended up getting divorced. We tried to reconcile later on but I felt the control issues were still there and I felt it detrimental to my son and I and our relationship so I ended it again and seriously tried moving on. While we were married, I had faith, I was a believer but not like I should have been. For about 3 years after the divorce I remained semi single never getting serious and my faith in God grew.

I began going to church, surrounded myself with Christians and felt at peace like I never had before. I then asked God to please give me someone to love and to be with and be happy. I told him that I felt being with my ex husband would turn me from Him again and I wanted to move on but also do what was right. I then a few months later met a man. He was still married at the time though and seperated. I felt guilty about being with a still married man and ended the relationship, but then he continued with the divorce and we got back together. He is divorced now. My ex husband says this is wrong. I should either reconcile with him or stay single it is God's law and it isn't right. I have struggled with this over and over. I want to do what is right. I felt God was telling me it was ok to move on, but now I am confused. Is this my own confusion, is this because I feel unworthy of this relationship or is it God's way of telling me my ex is right?

Answer 1

My friend, it was never GOD's intention for anyone to be divorced. Often it was allowed because of the hardness of peoples hearts and it breaks my heart that the divorce rate is as high in our churches as in society in general.

there are so many things to address in your question I am afraid I will miss some so please feel free to contact me if you want to discuss any of them in more detail. You see, I notice that you have been abused as a child and in your marriage but you also have enough courage and wisdom to realize that the abuse in your marriage was a two way street and I applaud you for that.

I am involved in a ministry called Shattered Men and it is open for anyone. Women are very much welcomed as this ministry seeks to help all of those who have been abused or those who care about them.

Most abuse sites suggest divorce at the first hint of trouble. Shattered Men works to strengthen troubled marriages.

I am including a couple of links from their web site that may help and the last link is their interactive group.

Answer 2

Hi! I am a Catholic Pastoral Minister and first of all take a breath and say "Jesus I trust in you!" You are doing all you can at the moment and God knows your heart. Our Church is the oldest and has had people ask these questions for ages. That's why, after many councils, the early pastors set some guidelines. First , was the 2 ready to make an adult decision. Was the 2 really believers. Was either person under a feeling of diress because of pregnacy or wanting sex etc. Was there any fraud or lies involved, drugs, or anything that could sway the decision to marry.etc. When divorce is talked about in Scripture is also says the 2 must be believers or 2 unbelievers. Marriage is very serious with the idea of both being saved or not saved, baptized or not baptized. Anyone can call the Marriage ceromony they had a marriage, but does it mean God joins the 2 flesh together? Can one marry thier poodle or dolphin(in some countries it's allowed) Scripture says "What God has joined, let no one put assunder". He knows when the 2 are ready to be one flesh and when they are not, and he can't be forced by us saying we had a marriage ceremony. It seems to me that you were ready to make a decision to marry, but your spouse was still juvenile in his decision. In my religion we are not supposed to divorce, but there is annulment for a marriage ceremony that was void in the Church and God's eyes. Talk to your minister and see what he thinks and then, just keep loving our Merciful Savior. He knows your heart and loves you more than your Mom or best friend loves you. He will not let you fall if you trust in him. I also feel you have done a wonderful job with your circumstances. I went through much of what you have and have anxiety disorder because of my past , but my faith got deeper and my life has now become beautiful! God Bless you, and be easy of yourself and let love flow. If you find God leads you to another man, just love him. God Loves Love. He will find you a way to heal all your problems. I will pray for you and your son!

Answer 3

Dear Tweeters M,

The Bible teaches us that there are two allowances for divorce:

1) In the case of adultery
2) In the case where there is abuse and danger.

God also clearly declares that he hates divorce (he prefers reconciliation). It seems that you've a little bit of both these situations in play here- and it seems that you've tried to reconcile.

i'm thankful that you are not in an abusive situation and that God is growing you in your faith. God would want to give you a man who can help you grow in your faith- and vice versa. i would say considering that this man was willing to be involved with you while married- is something you must consider seriously.

i don't think yahoo answers is the place to get your definitive answer- you should seek the Pastor of the church you go to and get the counsel and prayers of people who know both of you.

i'm a youth/college pastor incidentally and so i've tried to give you what is Biblical- but i also will tell you the value of wise counsel and i think your situation is rather complicated to get a yes or no from yahoo answers.

Hope that helps. Kindly,

Nickster

Answer 4

If your husband did not change and he is the same person he was before, I don't think God would expect you to stay in an abuse situation, But that does not necessarily free you up to pursue other relationships. However if your marriage vows have been broken by adultery (by him) that is another matter and that frees you to divorce your husband and never look back. Pray about it an deepen your commitment to God then you will get the answers you seek.

Answer 5

it sounds, to me that you are doing your best.the fact that you are asking this question shows me that you care alot about doing what is right in GOD`S eyes.if this man helps your spiritual life-getting closer to GOD, then that should tell you something.has your EX gotten closer to GOD?if not don`t pay him any attention,i`m not a preacher, but i`ve been married 30yrs,it`s been hard at times, if it were not for GOD,,we`d be separated.i be live that the man is the spiritual head, it`s his responsibility to pray for you & help you grow in GOD, if this is absent,& he abuses you , i think that he left you a long time ago.the fact that you grew shows this, i also feel that you have guilt because you marriage did`nt work. just ask for forgiveness & move on.if the man you want to marry feels the same way, both of you pray together & confess. get married & i truly believe GOD will bless this union. tell your ex that untill you remarry that GOD is now your spirtual head ,that you are letting him guide you. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

each and each and every denomination had that is own certain guidelines yet frequently; a minister as typically refers to laity because it does to ordained clergy. Pastor is mostly a connection with ordained clergy that leads a specifice flock or church. Reverend is a typical call for ordained clergy and preacher refers to someone with oratory and expounding skills. A preacher received't lead a particular congregation yet might want to be a vacationing evanglist.

Answer 7

the will of God is for us to have one marraige with a good partner. you found yours was not and even when you tryed to reconcile you realised it would never work. if he is seeing other women or remarried then you are free to remarry in my opinion at least. I am not a pastor but have studyed the bible God will show you who is the right man. you must think of your son first God is Love he wonts only the best for you. Jesus said the only ground for devorce was adultery if your husband has been sleeping with other women you are free.

Answer 8

well your ex-husband is wrong. you were not a believer in your first marrage. and their are grounds for divorce in TheTorah. in your second marriage, you asked for G-D'S help. and even if unseen by you or others, you got it. and the problem for most of us is, we usualy do not consider who G-D desires for our assigned mate from HIM. your first marrage was more than likely seen as adultry in G-D'S Eyes. because you did not consider G-D in your marriage. if you are not in a marriage, right with G-D. G-D, after giving you time to repent on your own, shall eventualy make this more and more obvious. that their is something amiss in this illegal union in HIS Eyes. so do not let any one try to shame you, for their inability to see G-D'S ways truely. everyone on this earth is doing what is commaded by G-D according to their sin of lack of sin. but it is a matter of what is G-D saying here, and is it a blessing or a curse from G-D.

even the multitudes that left egypt. after becoming believers. many were seperated from their oigional mates, and reassigned new mates, according to G-D'S will through Moshe(not moses as Moshe means savior as in Mosheeach).

many times we are sent into a traumatic situation, so that when we finaly are given with what G-D realy desires for us. we appreciate G-D, and what G-D gives truly to us even more.