I am in my 30's and I have one sister. How often should I talk to my parents if I live across the country?

Question

I have recently been very disappointed by my family in that I felt they abandoned me in an inopportune time of crisis. I am not one to ask favors, so on the rare chance i do, I expect them done. didn't happen and the reason it didn't happen was unacceptable, imo.

So as a result I want to talk to my parents as little as possible.

Q:

What is the maximum amount of time-ballpark figure- I can *not* call them so as not to make them feel like I don't like them anymore or that I am 'abandoning' them?

They are kind of needy because they are both losers remarried to two others of equal or lesser value.

And I am the lowest common denominator, their son. I'd like to live my life and enjoy it.

Some of you are going to reply that i'm an awful person because you are going to assume I'm unforgiving or cruel or just a jerk because I don't like my family. If this is you, then please assist others with their answers- you won't do me much good and that's a waste of your precious time!

Answer 1

I couldn't help but wonder if you meant "not call" in order to make them them know you are abandoning them the way they made you feel abandoned by them. If you want to not talk to them but (as your question states) not make them feel abandoned....

Why not call them once a week just to let them know you're ok and touch base with them. I suppose every ten days may be reasonable as well.

If they're really the losers you say they are that would explain why they are needy and were incapable of pulling through for you. At least consider, though, that it is a horrible thing for a mother to not know her son or daughter is ok (while you're determining how often not to talk to them). You don't have to talk long. You can say you only have so much time on your phone or you can't run up your phone bill.

As someone who has lost both of my parents I have come to realize that once they're gone a person's whole world changes and there is no going back. There will be time for you to "enjoy" your life without being encumbered with your loser parents. Don't do anything now that - once your world changes as it does once parents are no longer here - you may end up regretting. (Not a lecture - just some words from someone who wishes her world hadn't changed just yet.)

Answer 2

The relationship between adult children and their parents is very difficult sometimes. Believe me, I know. I don't know the specific answer to your question, but I can tell you this. Last year, my father passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 58. We had no indication anything was wrong with him at all, and he simply keeled over and died from a heart attack. Life is too short to not appreciate the people we truly love, even when we have problems with them. Try talking to your family. I don't mean to sound preachy- I just wish I had my dad back, and someday you're going to feel the same way. And seriously, I'm not implying anything about your character at all. I'm sure whatever they did was hurtful and you are justified in feeling the way you do. Good luck.

Answer 3

I certainly don't think that you are awful . To be honest i don't think that you owe your parents anything. You sound as though you have done really well for yourself considering the help that you have had from you family - None. The time that you want to spend on the phone to them is totally up to you. Maybe just make a note to call them on special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas, apart from that I don't think that you have to call them if you don't want to. Your parents should be there for you no matter what and there aren't. Move on with your life and make the most of it. Please don't refer to yourself as the lowest common denominator, you sound like a great person that deserves more than what your parents have given you.

Answer 4

once a week - once a month
sometimes family relations can work better from afar .
got the same kind of thing minus the father . I tried my best and never ,never got a long . few days a week .never lasted .
went to fla. 2 times and back ,texas . calif . not going home was the answer for me .
i still talk and send pics share life with stories of what goes on and seems like we all could do well together .BUT i know better !
years of torment convinced me and i wont turn back.
durring a time i recived help they contacted my mother and she put on the cry seen for them .they made me talk to her though i refused . her act may have fooled them but i know what i get around my brother ,sister or my mother .and being blamed for thier problems is not ever going to be in my agenda ,EVER.
my freedom found from a distance ,love my family from here ,no closer ,not ever .

Answer 5

Do they have one of those phones that dial out like yours. I've been on the road for almost eight years and have had the some cell phone number for at least five years. My Parents have called me twice and they actually accused me of disappearing off the face of the Earth because I didn't call them one Christmas. I was or maybe still am where you are. So from someone who knows what you are going through, Let it go. Life. Get busy living it, or get busy leaving it.

Answer 6

It's o.k. Sometimes things do get better. Listen- some day your parents aren't going to be around, just like all of us. I say-bury the hatch. However- they botch things up- but YOU be the calm, assertive adult (which you are). Tell them to GROW UP - and stop acting like children. We are family. Call them once a week. You be the calm adult=child. Then you know your doing the right thing! Good Luck! My parents are in their 90's.

Answer 7

Life is too short and to precious to play games.
You are upset with them, and only you can forgive them.

You don't have to forget, however the forgiving> its in your hands.

Give yourself more credit >then being the Lowest common denominator, You sound like you are living your life the way you want it...not programed and there is nothing wrong with that.

I'm sorry they let you down...break the pattern...be yourself ....two wrongs won't make it right.

best wishes

Answer 8

Yep I would try to forgive them !!! My parents weren't there for me as I was growing up but I still forgave them ! We live on the opposite sides of the world now (they in Europe me in Australia ) and I call them every month and would really love them to be closer ! So yeah just try to forgive them because life is short !!!

Answer 9

you dont ever have to talk to either of them. i refuse to talk to my father. he abused me and he abused my mother and didnt care at all when she died. so hes out of my life.