What is the right thing to do?

Question

My friend has a mother who is fixated on him and him alone. She has undiagnosed mental illness (not joking), and it manifests in being extremely manipulative, draining, and hurtful. My friend has physical symptoms of stress. He loves his mother, and wants to do the right thing, but continuing to be in her life will emotionally destroy him. Should he cut bait and try to heal, or stick with his relationship with her because, after all, it IS his mother. Also, please note, he has real concern that she may hurt herself should he leave, so it's more than just hurting her feelings.

Answer 1

This situation is in dire need of professional help. Seriously. He needs to look out for his best interests while at the same time look out for hers as well. He needs someone to help him balance. That is too much weight for one person to bear. Have him seek help.

Answer 2

It is a very touchy situation. I would suggest having her comitted and then having a life of his own. His mother is unstable, if she was otherwise, she would want the best for him, and for him to be happy. Do visits.. He himself needs to seek some kind of therapy. Because she is his mother, he may suffer from some type of dependancy and not even know it (most children do). Don't cut the ties with her, but limit them. He needs to help himself before, he can help her in any way. Your friend may also need to find a group, for support, ideas, and life management. He is not alone, but will be if he doesn't surround himself with people that can support him. I have had to go through this myself, it almost destroyed me as a person, and a mother...I even had to move to a whole nother state to do this! Get help, get a support group, and most of all regain your sanity! Good Luck, and God Bless...

Answer 3

What do you mean, "should he leave?" Is he still living with her? How old is he??? Sometimes this kind of relationship creates a mutual dependency: she needs him, he needs to feel needed. In that case, especially if his life centers around his mom, the comments by others that he should see a counselor/advisor are on target. If you are going to advise him...he should be living apart and have his own life, and see his mom on his own terms--"No, Mom, I'm not coming over today, I'll be there Saturday for dinner like I said I would." In other words, he should set some limits for them both and stick to them. And where's his Dad in all this? There's so much we don't know...I think the first step for you is to sound him out, find out how he feels, what he wants for himself, etc. Who knows? Maybe he wants his life to revolve around his mom, in which case your advice to him will be wasted. You need to find out where he's coming from.

Answer 4

He needs professional advice for this one,not people on Yahoo. Seriously. Good luck

Answer 5

He definitely needs to seek professional help for his mother and also to help him gain control of his own life

Answer 6

- he needs to encourage his mom to get help and limit his contact with her....if she does hurt herself - he can have her commited and she gets treated for mental illness. (Him staying will only enable her to continue the emotional blackmail --- how getting someone else to check in on her.)

Answer 7

Ask him to get professional help...may be a pshye....and ask him not to leave her....but she can be helped...if done the right way...

Answer 8

get help for yourself before doing any thing else she managed before his age of accountability , people dohurt themselves sad as it is it isn't his doing

Answer 9

life sucks