my dad died like 5 years ago, and now i can't stop thinking about him?

Question

he died when i was six, and i am 11 now. my mom got re-married last summer, in 2005 and ever sense a couple of weeks ago, i can't stop thinking about him. he was been in my dreams and i have been crying myself to sleep a lot. why do i do this? it is like i am mourning all over again. i love my step-dad, but i don't want to forget my real one. why am i doing this, and what should i do?

Answer 1

You love your step dad, but aren't ready to let go of your real dad. Because you aren't ready, you are dreaming about him. You do not have to let go. Think of your real dad as your dad in heaven who watches over you and your step dad as being your dad on earth who helps you. You can have two dads. You don't have to give up one for the other.

You'll never forget your real dad. I lost mine 14 years ago and he occasionally visits me in a dream. I like the dreams. He is there to show me things or comfort me or remind me of a good time we had.

You'll build new memories with your step dad. To remind you of the best times you had with your other dad, make a photo album. Leave some pages for new memories, but put in photos of your dad and write little stories about where you were when the photo was taken. You'll treasure it later.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you lost your dad at such a young age. My dad also died 5 years ago but I'm older than you.

It's a very big thing to lose your dad and you'll never forget him...you'll always have him in your heart.

The reason that all this is getting worse now is because there is someone else where your dad used to be and that triggers all kinds of emotions even though you love your step dad. You see it is a big reminder. Also, don't forget, it was just your mum before your new step dad so that is another big change.

You will be feeling all kinds of mixed emotions right now...but that's okay. We feel emotions to help us get through things. It's just your mind's way of expressing all the things that have happened in your life.

Cry when you need to cry...it helps. Think about your real dad...that's okay too. Don't feel guilty when you think of him...it is natural.

All this WILL pass....honestly. But in the meantime, it would be a very good idea to tell your mother about your thoughts and how you are feeling... if she is understanding she will support you. Tell her you love your step dad and it's not because of that.

Your step dad will understand that this is hard for you...he won't be offended.

It's good that you came on YA to express yourself.

best wishes

Answer 3

I am sorry that you lost your dad at such a young age. Hey, you are normal. I'm 47 years old, my mom died in 2000. I still think about her and some times it is really painful. That is just part of life. It sucks but we all go through it. As time goes by and especially as you mature, the feelings and thoughts won't hurt so much. You will always have them you will just learn how to deal with them better. You can love your step-dad as much as you want, I GUARANTEE YOU WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR REAL DAD!! Not ever will you forget him. Lots of luck, I wish the best for you.

Sincerely,
Terry

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Answer 4

sweety,
Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to hurt and sometimes losing someone so close to use resurfaces after so much time has passed we think it isn't normal. I often find myself doing this. For instance, my brother died almost 3 years ago. Sometimes I will go through phases that it seems like I just left the funeral home.
It sounds like you are having a lot of changes going on in your life.
You dad wouldn't want you to be so sad. (that's what I always tell myself about people that have died). Don't feel guilty because you love your step-dad.
Think about all the happy times. Talk to your Mom about how you are feeling but know that it;s normal so I doubt your gonna catch her by surprise.
You won't forget your dad. I know it's scary to think that. I do it all the time and it just breaks my heart. Keep your dad alive in your heart and in your thoughts.
Keep your chin up and I am happy to see you reach out for help at such a young age.
~T~

Answer 5

I kinda know what you are going through, my dad died almost 4 years ago too, when I was 14. What you are feeling is perfectly natural, I went through the same thing, though for a much shorter time, only about 2 years. Though I still think about him every once in a while, I dont cry as much as I used to, but everybody's different.

My suggestion: let your emotions work themselves out naturally, be it in crying or whatever. Never let go of the memories you had with him, for whatever reason.

My condolances

Answer 6

my mom died when i was 12 and my dad just died a few years ago i am now 27 and i still always look around and wonder its normal but u gotta remeber that your dad would prolly want u to move on and be happy its not bad to remeber at all ...hook a part of your room up with some good pix with some comments and remember the fun and laughter ...it is very hard i know but if i gets too bad to where you feel like you really cant handle it i would tell your mom and maybe some counsiling will help when i was little i didnt think counsiling was a good thing so i refused to go but i wish i would have because now im in it but i like it it does help to get wats inside off my chest

Answer 7

This is completely normal for you to go through many periods of thinking about him a lot - and then being OK and not thinking about him so much. While you're in a period of thinking about him a lot you could go to a hospice 'Survivors' group to make the time be less lonely and isolating. You could also make a scrapbook of your pictures and write down some of the memories you have so that you'll always have that. You won't ever forget about him, but it might be nice to have something you can pick up and hold in your hands and look at any time you want.

Answer 8

You were so young when he died that maybe you didn't know how to grieve the loss of your dad. If we don't grieve our losses it can affect us forever. You are mourning! Embrace the pain, cry as much as you need, and talk to your mom and other loved ones who understand. Look at pictures, talk about things you did with your dad. Don't go through it alone. Don't hide from the pain, it will end up causing you more pain later. Also, grief counseling is extremely helpful. I promise, the little dark cloud will lift in time.
Peace and love!

Answer 9

You are doing this because you are struggling with your sense of loyalty to your father as you accept your stepfather. Create a memory book and journal some of your best memories and stories about your father that others share with you. Keep a picture with warm memories of you with your father in your room. This will send out a strong mental anchor to you that you haven't forgotten your father and you won't.

My father has been dead for over 30 years. I was also young when I lost my father. My mother remarried after I married and had children. I loved my stepfather as well, but you know what? Your dad is always your dad and no one can erase that love or your memories. (I have since lost my stepfather as well.)

I strongly believe in an after life. Your father may be the first person to greet your stepfather and thank him for finishing the job that he was not permitted to stay and do. Most dads love their children so much, they want only their happiness. Don't be afraid to be happy in your new family. There is room in your heart to love your dad and your new life in your family with your stepfather as well.

Answer 10

You've answered your own question, sweetie. You love your step-dad, but you feel guilty for doing so because you're afraid that you're going to forget your "real" dad. Maybe you could have a chat with your mom, and the two of you could find a way to remember your "real" dad. Visiting his grave site and putting flowers on it. Talking about your dad. Looking at old pictures. Your mom telling you stories about your dad. Talk to your mom, sweetie. It'll be okay.