Is my sister-in-law ignoring me or just really busy??

Question

Last December my sister-in-law & I volenteered to throw A family Christmas Party this year but I haven' talking to her about it since last years party.I have been trying to contact her but everytime I call I get the machine or one of the kids (16 & 12) answer & say that she's not home or taking a nap. I just find it hard to beleive that's all she ever does. Anyway... because we (my husband & I) haven't been able to make contact with her, we have gone a head & started making the plans & rented a hall with out her. So today she emails me to say "HI" & to see what we are doing this weekend ~ I was going to respond with a message asking if & when she wanted to get together to start planning this party but decide that I have made enough efforts. I will continue on with my plans for the party & wait to see if she mentions it this weekend. SO MY QUESTION IS WHAT SHOULD MY NEXT STEP BE IF SHE DOESN'T BRING IT UP? GO ON WITH OUT HER OR REMIND HER ONE LAST TIME? HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS?

I really don't think she has forgotten ~ we have made a few appointments to met up & talk about it, but she never keeps the date & always calls to cancel. If money is the problem then I'd hope she'd feel comfortable enough telling me that after all she has been in this family for 17 years.

Answer 1

If you guys only talk through emails, then send her an email and say something like "Hey, remember how we made plans last year to put together the family Christmas party? Did you still want to do that with me? I wasn't sure if you were still up to it, and if you're not, that's fine. I've already started planning some things with my husband. Just let me know..." If she responds that she wants to help, then give her some stuff to do and if she says she's not up to it anymore, continue on like you've been doing. Don't get so bent out of shape about it, not worth getting mad over. Take it in stride.....

J

Answer 2

Go ahead and get together with her this weekend. If she doesn't bring it up first, casually mention what you've been doing with your time and include the party plans. Start off with all of the normal things in your life, and add "Oh, yeah, and we've booked the hall and made some plans for this year's Christmas party." See how she responds. Does she offer her help, just say "that's nice" or does she change the subject?
If she offers her help, then accept it without mentioning how you expected her to in the first place. If she brushes it off or changes the subject, then don't push the issue. There may be things she's not telling you about why she hasn't helped, and won't help. She may have forgotten about it and now feels stupid. She may be having financial problems and can't afford to contribute. She may be having problems at home and doesn't want the added responsibility and stress of planning a holiday party.
No matter what she says or does, make sure it doesn't ruin the experience for you and your husband. You should keep doing the best you can, and enjoy it when the time comes.

Answer 3

Are you calling her at the same approximate times? Perhaps she has migraines or takes a nap during those times - or she may not be home. People are busy for real at times. I think you should have emailed her and said what you planned to do before going ahead with the plans. Apparently she does check her emails. Her children may not be giving her the messages either - kids are prone to do that especially at that age. Your next step should be to tell her what has already progressed and ask for help in the rest of the planning and preparation. After all, she is your sister-in-law, not a person who will be gone from your life. It is much better to have a good relationship as you will be together at parties and get-togethers and they will be more fun if you are speaking to each other. She may be a person who does not start planning for a party until a month prior - in which case she may be thinking she has a couple weeks before even beginning! You really need to bring it up on your own, as it would be worse to spring it on her after she asks about when you would like to start on the prep. Be gracious and the better person, don't act like she is totally ignoring you when you don't know what may be going on with her for real. She could be depressed, sick, busy, whatever, and you need to be above thinking the worst. Do this party with the most positive attitude, and if she truly does not want to participate after all, so be it and go on with planning - but at least give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyone deserves that much!

Answer 4

Take her for her word and assume she's just been really busy.

I would bring it up subtly, like "well, I booked the hall for the party! Isn't that great!" See her reaction.

Basically, you both need to communicate better. Set up a lunch date with her or something.

Answer 5

I would politely tell her this weekend the plans you've made so far. Inquire if she's gotten any of the messages you've left about it and ask what other ideas she has for the party before you run out of time.

Answer 6

She has been ignoring you. I would go on with plans without her. Even ask another family member if they could pitch in & help with the cost of the party because she's not interested.

Answer 7

if you can afford to do it by yourself then go on with your plans and send her an invite like you do everyone else and if you cant do it alone either don't do it at all or go to her and confront her as to what her plans are. It appears to me like she is avoiding the issue, perhaps she cant afford a big family party and is too embarrassed to say so.

Answer 8

when you see her bring it up just say i was wondering if you still wanted to help with the party so i know what i need to do and go from there maybe she just thought you forgot leave a message on the machine other wisw i think it will bother you i sense that from your ? good luck

Answer 9

Leave it, it's highly unbelieveable to hear a lady not home or taking naps all the time.
You've done your bit and she hasn't made any effort.
If she doesn't bring it up, then stuff her, she's clearly not interested about organsing a party and she should remember it at least as it is getting close to Christmas.

If anyone asks at the party who organised this, you step up by yourself and say "Me!"

Answer 10

Ignoring