My story is so long but I'm going to shorting it for you guy's. My heart is broken because I just got an abortion about two weeks ago, that I didn't really want to get. You see I ended up getting pregnant by my ex-boyfriend, who is already getting ready to have a baby with some other girl(yes we were still messing around and he is with her). At the time I thought it was the best thing to do given the situation, but in my hind mind I was already feeling guilty. I didn't really talk to him after because I was so hurt, I didn't want to talk to anyone. His girlfriend/babymoma ended up finding out I was pregnant, and told him to stop talking to me since I wasn't keeping my baby(She listened to his voicemail, and I was one there telling him I didn't know what I was going to do). Monday was the last time we spoke and he was very mean and heartless to me. I want to forgive him for not being there for me emotionally, is this possible?
2006-11-02 15:19:37 · 19 answers · asked by Ms. Educated 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Get a Doctor.
2006-11-02 15:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by Toto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ms. Cakes,
Just as your situation is not simple, neither is the answer.
When in love, we make mistakes. Some mistakes are more painful than others. The more painful the result, the more important it is to learn from them.
My advice:
1 - Recognize that there is only one person whose behavior you will ever be able to control – yours.
2 - Ask yourself why you needed him at all. From what you wrote, he doesn’t seem to be emotionally mature. Did you really expect the emotional retard to be there for you emotionally?
2a - Until (or if) he grows up, he will continue to treat everyone around him badly. Do you want to be one of those people?
3 - Forgive yourself for any mistakes you might have made, and learn from them.
4 - Decide what you want and need in a relationship – and what you will not tolerate. Then stick by that decision.
4a - Develop your self esteem to the point that you KNOW that you are a beautiful, valuable person, and any guy who doesn’t recognize that isn’t worth your time.
Now – you choose to forgive or not. Personally, I think you should pity him. He may think everything is wonderful, but it won’t last. This behavior will catch up with him, and then he will be the one hurting.
How do I know? At my son’s wedding last year, I saw my ex-husband for the first time in many, many years. After the wedding he started telling me about all this guilt he had been carrying around. He felt guilty about stuff that I didn’t even remember.
The moral of the story: Move on – he didn’t deserve you. There is someone out there who will love and appreciate you.
Silk Dragon
2006-11-03 01:04:41 · answer #2 · answered by Silk Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you may really care about this guy, but you have to leave him alone. It is hard to have to deal with such a traumatic experience all alone, but at the same time, Im sure you knew that it would be a possibility. He may have been mean to you because he messed up his relationship with his current girlfriend. He is doing what she wants him to do and that is treat you like you don't mean anything. Don't dwell on that. Just take care of yourself. The pain won't last forever. Learn from it. Never mess with an ex. They are the ex for a reason and don't mess with another woman's man. Not that you are a bad person, we all make mistakes. Just don't let yourself get hurt like that again.
2006-11-02 23:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by winterblues 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's possible to forgive him, but the first thing you should be focusing on is forgiving yourself. The only thing we can do as humans is grow from our experiences. You've learned from this that it's not a good thing to be someone else who doesn't want to be with you and only you and you also learned that next time you will listen to your heart and not tell you what decisions to make, especially one that is so personal. I'm not sure how old you are but I had a child at 17 and it can be done. So again please forgive yourself. It sounds as if your ex is treating you like this to keep a wall up. He is trying to focus on his baby that is coming. So you should try to heal and focus on yourself, sweety. Hang in there.
2006-11-02 23:25:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, to forgive him will set you free, but as far as forgetting the betrayal, you won't for a long time. To harbor ill thoughts about someone only affects your health in a negative way, and you have been through enough. I know this was a confusing time for you and probably were not thinking straight. I think it would help if you talk to a professional, this will help you get through this. Please don't try to carry this burden on your own, it will come back to haunt you in the future. I wish you the best.
2006-11-02 23:25:39 · answer #5 · answered by june clever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, im so sorry! trust me i feel your pain i had a miscarriage about 2 maybe 3 weeks ago and trust me i feel your pain and what you re going through. the guy that got me pregnant stayed with me until i lost it! and then it was all over. he found someone better. so what i would say would be no. dont forgive him because if it happened once then it will probably happen again. so get over it sweetie i know it will be hard but give it some time and you'll make it i promise.
2006-11-02 23:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all wounds. It will be much easier to forgive him by letting him go and letting him live his life. Chalk it up as a mistake in your life, and make sure it doesn't happen again. Don't go with a man who already has someone else in their lives, especially if you were with them before. Don't go backwards, go forward. You have a chance to start your life over, take charge and be the type of woman that you'd admire. Be strong.
2006-11-02 23:29:39 · answer #7 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth are you concerned about forgiving this man who has emotionally abused you and is a cheating liar to boot? What you need to do is forgive yourself for letting yourself be used so cheaply and to begin to see yourself as a person whose friendship and love should be a thing to be valued, not discarded as if unimportant.
Be good to yourself first, and the rest will follow.
2006-11-02 23:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sad that you felt so trapped by being pregnant that you got an abortion. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes life gives us choices that really suck! Sounds like your "boyfriend" really sucks, too! DUMP HIM & get some good counseling to deal with all of this . Take care of YOURSEF and forget him! In time you will feel better but get somone to talk to help yourself to mourn your loss of the child. I wish you well!
2006-11-02 23:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by Bijous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just forget about him.. i know some things and people always linger in our mind no matter what. but if the result is still the same, which is there's no future for both of you, why do you want to prolong the sufferings? get out of this situation, and there will be better ones ahead.
2006-11-02 23:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by Princess is here 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible to forgive him. You have to make that choice to say ''I forgive him'' Forgiveness is not a feeling... it's just something you choose to do, whether the feelings are there or not. --And it's not his duty to be there for you emotionally, his first priority is to his g\f and their up coming baby.
2006-11-02 23:24:53 · answer #11 · answered by sweetkiss_xo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋