A sensitive topic regarding family? What do you think?

Question

I come from a LARGE family and my husband has a large family too. One thing that stops the flow of unity and harmony and faith in our familes is that people tend to gossip about one another and run at the mouth and when the people that are gossiping have it done to them they get all mad and ticked off.

People in my family both sides have come to me with very personal and cofidential as well as controversial matters that I pray about with God and God alone.

How can I be objective when this gossip is said I am a christian and I dont want to "preach" or act like a "goody two shoes" because I dont gossip when I have had to confront people I speak my mind I dont undermine them. Bad things have been said about me b/c of my weight and in past my manic behavior and it was hurtful but I let it go.

Is there anyway to stop the gossip? Is there anyway to promote goddness and encouragement through this problem? Any answers or suggestions?

Answer 1

From now on, when someone in your family comes to you with something for you to pray about, tell them that you don't need any details at all, and you don't even need to know who is involved in the issue because God knows, and you will bring it to Him in prayer. Tell them that you will pray for God's will, and His peace and healing. Leave it at that.

If you let your family members talk to you about all this stuff, you are part of the problem, not the solution. The solution from your end is to stop listening to it. That includes walking away from a conversation that is inappropriate. Be quiet about it, though. Don't saying anything; just leave.

Your family members will have to make their own choices about gossip. Stay out of it completely and forever. You'll be much happier. Don't even talk about staying out of gossip. You're just inviting more conversation about gossip, which in turn leads to gossip!

Answer 2

Nodding your head up and down and changing the subject is usually a good way to not get involved. If you think you are going to change the dynamics of 2 families, think again! Just stay uninvolved. Be proud of the fact that people can come to you with confidential and controversial subjects, knowing that their secrets are safe with you. You can't change them, but you can change the way you react to them or how much the gossip affect you.

I started gossiping about a neighbor once a long time ago to another neighbor. Neighbor #2 said, "She never has anything but nice things to say about you". That stopped me dead in my tracks. I never forgot that. Do you think I would have ever thought about gossipping in front of her again? Never! You could try something like that. If they won't believe that, then how about "Just the other day she was saying how much she values your friendship, or how happy she is for how your hair turned out" - you know, something harmless that will make them feel guilty and shut up, then change the subject so they can save face. Please don't become a bore preaching at everyone. Just walk the walk like you do. That is far more attractive. People want to know how you stay so calm and sweet in the face of the nonsense. Your actions are your best promotion. That will open the door to the conversations you want to share about your faith.

Answer 3

This is a very difficult situation. I don't know if you can stop the people from gossiping, especially by preaching to them. But you can at least avoid being part of the problem. If someone in your family is going to tell you something negative about someone else in your family, simply refuse to listen to it. You can change the subject when you feel it coming. You can say something like, "I'd rather not hear about that." Or you could even dare to say, "It hurts my feelings when you talk that way about someone I care about." Your example of refusing to listen may just help some of them realize that it's not a good thing.

I know this takes a lot of energy, but it can be done. Thanks for being so committed to not gossiping.

Answer 4

I am SO glad you brought up this topic! Gossip is poison - whether you are a Christian or not. You do not have the personal power to stop other people from saying nasty things. You do, however, have the personal power to say to the person who is saying the nasty things - "I don't want to hear it" and walk away. If they gossip about you for not being a gossip...who cares!!! I liked what the other answer said about the behavior being toxic and the people being toxic - absolutely dead on right. I don't care if they ARE your relatives. There are ways even in your situation to distance and minimize contact with the deadliest poison drippers in your family and you will feel a whole lot better about yourself and life in general when you do. Trust me I've been there. Hugs and courage are being sent to you from me - who enjoys the company of positive people.

Answer 5

I come from a HUGE family on my side. My husband's side is not that large. As for the gossip. My suggest is tell them if they know this or that your not into and they must deal with it on there own. It's not picking on anyone your just staying away from toxic people

I have "3" sister.. screams! They scream and yell at each other and try to get me and the middle i just laugh at them. I tell them stop acting like children and start acting there age and stay away from your cooties might rub off.

When they call. I don't say hello. I usually tell them If you going to start I'm hanging up now. They know by now don't mess with me cause its ain't my problem I have own problems.

As for the weight and the manic behavoir. The gossip within and without the family can have toxic pressure on the snaspis on the brain.

Just stay away from them they aren't good for you they are toxic. I know its not easy to do, but i will tell you this. I have been in therapy with the physcologist and it was the best thing i every did.

Answer 6

It is good that you take what you hear no further than God. You are right on target with Proverbs 11:13. "A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is faithful of spirit conceals the matter."

Proverbs 20:19 "He that goeth as a talebearer reveals secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with the lips."
In other words, do not take part in gossip.

I agree with some of the other answers. You shouldn't even let them finish what they are trying to tell you. Gossip feeds on ears that are willing to listen. Gossipers just like talking about other people, besides themselves, and will talk about you also. Just stick to your faith and interrupt them and tell them you don't want to hear their gossip, walk away, etc. If you are consistent, they will get the point and will stop trying to tell you about everyone else. Also discrediting the gossip, questioning how they know it is true, or acting like you just don't care will frustrate them and they will quit coming to you. Just make sure you never agree with it or say "Oh really?" or act like you want to hear more, because they will fill you with poison. I know because I had to stop people who gossiped to me once I became a born-again Christian.

Don't worry about anything they say about you, no matter what it is concerning. You are beautiful in the sight of God!
The devil likes to bring up your past and rub your face in it. Make sure you forgive them and do not hold onto bitterness, because it is like cancer.

Answer 7

If they gossip about someone named Sarah, just give them a bewildered look and say that you are surprised that they would say that and then ask if they have talked to Sarah about it. Every time you hear gossip do the same thing. They will eventually get the hint and stop gossiping to you. Gossip is the voice of the devil.

Answer 8

I was taught "those who talk about others to you will talk about you to others" early in life along with "if you can't say something good about someone, say nothing at all". These things helped me to choose my friends as I was growing up. But I really don't know how you are going to get these message thru to adults. When someone starts gossiping in my presence, I just excuse myself and go to the bathroom or clean up the kitchen or something because gossip upsets me and I feel disgust for those who participate in it. They are the ones with the problem!!

Answer 9

you can't change people but God can so just give a good example and if anyone goes to u with gossip politely say something to the effect of "you shouldn't talk to other people about this" or simply "i didn't need to know that"

Answer 10

Well I think you are really in a big horrible circle now. But gossiping is a regular trend even way beyond home. But the great thing is that you are still standing firm on your own believe. I believe that on believing yourself you could someday make people around you believe in you.