I have been out of a physical/verbal abusive relationship for 8 years now. After the break up - I had him arrested - I fell into a pattern of self-abuse - drinking too much, pot smoking on occasion. Well its been 3 years since I gave up the party girl habits and I feel damn good about myself - maybe the best I've felt in my life. BUT...I just don't trust men not to be jerks. I get asked out/hit on on a fairly regular basis - but I just am not motivated to let my guard down or get to know a guy because I've just seen too much bad behavior. I don't want to be this cynical for the rest of my life. Any advice on how I can start to trust again and good places to meet nice guys? They have to exist, right? I mean, my brother is a great guy.
2006-11-02 12:12:24 · 3 answers · asked by paperorplastic 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Speaking from experience, it can take a lifetime! Same situation but has been 8 years for me. I have a good man now but still have many issues. I just try to work on each issue one at a time. Good luck and be patient with yourself. You will know when it is time for another relationship but look for the signs of abusive creeps. Go for the gentle and understanding man.
I love Antirion's answer, I think it helped me too.
2006-11-02 12:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes as long as you want it to.
When we suffer, we build up defense mechanisms to protect us from the pain. It's an instinctive reaction. We all do this to a greater or lesser extent. But, once the threat is gone, the defense mechanism still remains, "protecting" us from future pain. Does your defense mechanism still protect you, or simply disable you?
You are using your prior relationship as a crutch to avoid going on living. That will last as long as you choose. You allowed him to abuse you. The question is, did you let him kill you too?
PS. In a man, do not mistake violence for strength, or compassion for weakness.
2006-11-02 20:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by antirion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go on a simple date with a guy you think you might be somewhat interested. If it works out go on another date. Guard all your feelings w/out making it obvious. Look at him on a friend to friend basis. Then work it from there
2006-11-02 20:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by DHWJulie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋