my sister in law is my hubbys baby sister, she is 18. she always comes over at dinner time and im so tired, all i wanna do is curl up with my hubby and chill. she is very clingy to us and i do adore her but i need space. she doesnt call before she comes like we ask her to and i am not one to be mean. she is basically like our child and i dont wanna be a mother yet! how do i get her to give us space without hurting her feelings.
2006-11-02 11:33:09 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i think this is a situation that your man gotta handle, it is HIS sister, right? talk to him, you probably already did...but to guys you gotta run things over and over again...just like if your bro/sis bother him you would be the one in charge to talk out. tell him to do it in private, not when you are around.
2006-11-02 11:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is probably the best person to set this boundary -- but if she feels that comfortable around you, I suggest you simply tell her: we are adults and we respect you as an adult. Therefore, we expect you to respect us with the same consideration and give us our time. No more unannounced visits. You must be firm or she will continue to take advantage of you and not respect your space or your boundaries. Lock the door to prevent her drop-in visits. She has a key? Change the locks or put a chain on the door. Feel compelled to open the door to her? Open it but tell her that you're sorry - now is not a good time to come in and hang out. You do not need to give her a reason. If she respects you and your husband, she will understand. Good luck.
Okay, I have to edit because LadySteel made me feel a little guilty for being such a hardnose. Go with your instincts -- and make sure that the kid sister does not have any fatal illnesses before you chain the door. ;-]
2006-11-02 19:39:04 · answer #2 · answered by Shibi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her aside one day and tell her, "Hey don't come over tonight. I'm gonna cook dinner for (your hubby)." Do this more often. The key here is to not shut her down. Play the psychology game with her. You steer her into doing what you want. Start telling her that you are having a romantic evening. The more you do it, the more she will feel that she has to call before she comes over. You get what you want without getting anyone mad. Hope this helps.
2006-11-02 19:38:07 · answer #3 · answered by marathon688 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had a situation similar to yours...My husband's best friend pretty much lived here day in and day out. It was so frustrating to me because like you, all I wanted was to have some time with my husband. Then the unthinkable happened...One month ago today, my husband's best friend passed away. What I wouldn't give to have him back in our house eating dinner with us. Our home is now quiet and I have the time with my husband but there is such an emptiness here that is almost unbearable....I say live it up, you have no idea what is around the corner....We had no idea he was sick and we were his only "family" in the state other than his 11 yr old son...
2006-11-02 19:38:38 · answer #4 · answered by ladysteelersince1976 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try this:
I wanted to let you know that I am planning to surpise John with a special evening. I know that you enjoy spending time with us, but tonight is going to be special for just the two of us. Would you like to come over for dinner on Sunday instead?
2006-11-02 19:38:15 · answer #5 · answered by t433_sd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a sign to put on the front door..
"Do Not Disturb"
"Quiet Please, We Are Napping"
"Out To Lunch"
"Be Back Later"
"Busy Smooching, Come Back Tomorrow!"
Be creative, have fun with it. If she asks what that's all about just tell her that you and your husband wanted some "couples" time and it was spontaneous. Next time she comes and sees a sign she'll know why its there.
2006-11-02 19:43:59 · answer #6 · answered by Help Me Help You 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time she is over- make plans with her for a few days days later. "Do you want to come over for dinner on XXX and we can watch/go/do XXX?" Then when she is ready to leave - say... "OK we will see you on XXX". Always make another plan each time you see her and tell her you will see her again then. Also, make plans where you go to her- or pick her up. That's how you call the shot of when it's over.
I did that with my MIL- it worked great!
Good Luck- I know it's tough to not want to hurt someones feelings.
2006-11-02 19:36:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mommyk232 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to put people in their place. on the other hand if no one ever tells them where that place is, they can't go to it. Be straight with her in a loving way, so she won't think that you are just trying to get rid of her. Have your husband support you!
2006-11-02 19:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just dont answer the door when she comes over she will get the hint sooner or later
2006-11-02 19:35:23 · answer #9 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you discussed this with her? put a do not disturb sign on your front door and don't answer when you want alone time. maybe you could take a weekend getaway somwhere.
2006-11-02 19:46:34 · answer #10 · answered by william w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋